How do you curate a true weekend “reset”?

[Anonymous]

+1 to everyone suggesting nature, and those who suggest that it has to be screen free (which I suspect is necessary, given use of the social media term of art "curate").

[Anonymous]

My Fridays are flexible at work, so my go to is to spend Friday afternoon cleaning. We have a regular sized house that is easy to clean, so I can vacuum, wipe surfaces, and get clutter and kitchen put away in about 90 minutes and do a good job. If cleaning showers, make it a whole afternoon project. I put in a podcast or audiobook and just do it, the podcast or audiobook makes it really enjoyable.

Saturday and Sunday are about the same formula:
- get up, feed cats, coffee
- take a 45 minute walk
- shower
- read/puzzles/whatever I want
- one day head out to grocery store (I like to cook) or farmers market or fun errand - other night we will get takeout or go out which means more relaxing
- make a nice dinner, eat with family
- relax and watch tv or a movie


I have one teen and a helpful spouse so YMMV.

[Anonymous]

I reset by cleaning and organizing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The tackling life admin itself helps me reset because having so many unclosed loops and then I many things to do is what's usually stressful. I sometimes go to the library or coffee shop to work on some of it, starting with emails and updating the calendar. If it can't be done at the coffee shop, I make a plan for when to do it.

When it's actual bad or emotional stuff that has happened, I journal stream of consciousness style. "Bad thing happened. I feel sad/frustrated/it wasn't fair...." If I keep going, I often get to a resolution, not that I can change the outside bad event or situation, but I can figure out how to survive it consistent with my values. It's very effective and energizing for me. If I let it stay in my head, I just spin bad thoughts around.

Another thing is, really be honest about what you are tired of/how you are tired and if the type of "relaxation" you are doing helps you or makes you feel worse. I'm usually more mentally than physically tired. Sitting around doing nothing doesn't make it better for me except in limited circumstances, but that may be what someone else needs.

This is me as well. Crossing things off the list is what helps me truly reset.

[Anonymous]

I wake up, have my coffee, work out. Do something to feel productive. Then I try to garden/shop, something outside of the house, make something relatively healthy in terms of food. And then try to watch a movie or something else. I do my best to stay off social media but I’ll often put in a podcast or something. End the day with a walk. If I need to take something to get a restful sleep I will.

I don’t think getting a reset means you need psych.

[Anonymous]

Hike in the woods. Spend time in nature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I need a reset, OP, I don't ask DCUM about "curating" anything, or set parameters for the best way to reset. Resets are for desperate times, when the household goes to shite and the kids fend as best they can because I cannot cope anymore, and need to sleep and empty my mind. I also go for walks, listen to my favorite classical music, watch the funniest stuff I can find on YouTube and if not too panicked, sinking into a reread of a favorite book.

And when I'm reset, I can address the household and the kids and the husband, ie the admin tasks, the small childhood crises, the husband who has been keeping it together (and feeding everyone instant ramen).

You sound depressed. The OP sounds like she legitimately needs a reset. You sound like you need a psychiatrist, for the sake of your children.

Signed,

A kid who grew up with a depressed mom who thought this gave her permission to “sleep and empty her mind” while us kids “fended for ourselves as best as we could”.

PP you replied to. I have an anxiety disorder and a panic disorder. I have tried psychiatric meds, and they exacerbate my panic. I've done therapy, which has helped take the edge off. But I think what sends me over the edge right now is perimenopause and the extreme hormone fluctuations that somehow send me into panic attacks (instead of making me grumpy, moody, depressed, whatever). I am not a candidate for HRT because of my heavy family history of cancer.

Please be mindful not to project your childhood trauma on other people. I am sorry you went through that. I am aware of my problems and trying to deal as best I can.

[Anonymous]

masturbate slowly with lube

[Anonymous]

I cannot rest, relax, socialize, get away - if my house is a mess. My peace of mind is a clean house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I need a reset, OP, I don't ask DCUM about "curating" anything, or set parameters for the best way to reset. Resets are for desperate times, when the household goes to shite and the kids fend as best they can because I cannot cope anymore, and need to sleep and empty my mind. I also go for walks, listen to my favorite classical music, watch the funniest stuff I can find on YouTube and if not too panicked, sinking into a reread of a favorite book.

And when I'm reset, I can address the household and the kids and the husband, ie the admin tasks, the small childhood crises, the husband who has been keeping it together (and feeding everyone instant ramen).

You sound depressed. The OP sounds like she legitimately needs a reset. You sound like you need a psychiatrist, for the sake of your children.

Signed,

A kid who grew up with a depressed mom who thought this gave her permission to “sleep and empty her mind” while us kids “fended for ourselves as best as we could”.

PP you replied to. I have an anxiety disorder and a panic disorder. I have tried psychiatric meds, and they exacerbate my panic. I've done therapy, which has helped take the edge off. But I think what sends me over the edge right now is perimenopause and the extreme hormone fluctuations that somehow send me into panic attacks (instead of making me grumpy, moody, depressed, whatever). I am not a candidate for HRT because of my heavy family history of cancer.

Please be mindful not to project your childhood trauma on other people. I am sorry you went through that. I am aware of my problems and trying to deal as best I can.

And I’m sure you’re not spending all day in bed because you can’t cope, leaving your kids to fend for themselves, as the original PP said they do. I was replying to them. But I think you should explore why that reply triggered you so much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I need a reset, OP, I don't ask DCUM about "curating" anything, or set parameters for the best way to reset. Resets are for desperate times, when the household goes to shite and the kids fend as best they can because I cannot cope anymore, and need to sleep and empty my mind. I also go for walks, listen to my favorite classical music, watch the funniest stuff I can find on YouTube and if not too panicked, sinking into a reread of a favorite book.

And when I'm reset, I can address the household and the kids and the husband, ie the admin tasks, the small childhood crises, the husband who has been keeping it together (and feeding everyone instant ramen).

You sound depressed. The OP sounds like she legitimately needs a reset. You sound like you need a psychiatrist, for the sake of your children.

Signed,

A kid who grew up with a depressed mom who thought this gave her permission to “sleep and empty her mind” while us kids “fended for ourselves as best as we could”.

PP you replied to. I have an anxiety disorder and a panic disorder. I have tried psychiatric meds, and they exacerbate my panic. I've done therapy, which has helped take the edge off. But I think what sends me over the edge right now is perimenopause and the extreme hormone fluctuations that somehow send me into panic attacks (instead of making me grumpy, moody, depressed, whatever). I am not a candidate for HRT because of my heavy family history of cancer.

Please be mindful not to project your childhood trauma on other people. I am sorry you went through that. I am aware of my problems and trying to deal as best I can.

And I’m sure you’re not spending all day in bed because you can’t cope, leaving your kids to fend for themselves, as the original PP said they do. I was replying to them. But I think you should explore why that reply triggered you so much.

Sorry, reading again and see you ARE the original PP.

If you’re sleeping all day and not functioning on a routine basis, panicked and otherwise anxious, I promise it’s affecting your children. It’s not fair to them, and they don’t care about your excuses, nor do their brains comprehend them. I know you don’t believe me, but you’ll find out. I wish you well.

[Anonymous]

It's so personal! And we don't know what kind of flexibility and what kind of help you have. If there are kids under 6, woof, I dunno.

For me, with teens:
Friday: Everyone sleeps as late as they want. Once up, do your own space-- get all the laundry to the machine, strip the bed, put stuff away. I like to do laundry, so I'll probably do everyone's. I find it very satisfying to sort according to color and temperature, and to work my way through the whole pile. It's chaos --> order in its purest form.
I'm probably going to make a meal. It won't be breakfast. It might be lunch. It might be late lunch! We'll eat together. While eating, agree on a few things we're each going to accomplish. One kid might elect to do the litterbox and clean out the roombas. The other might volunteer to do bathrooms. I'm going to keep going on laundry and overall tidying.
By evening, we're ready to wander out and find food. We have dozens of restaurants within a mile of the house, so we'll end up somewhere casual in the neighborhood.
Saturday: we'll have friends over for dinner. I will plan the menu and go shopping (farmers market and regular groceries), and spend the afternoon alternating between prepping and hanging on the couch with a good book. No pressure, it'll get done in time. Friends will come over; dinner will be elaborate because that's what I enjoy (totally understand it's not for everyone); we'll have some wine and the kids will practice having good table manners and conversational skills.
Sunday: weather permitting, we'll spend mostly outside. Maybe just RCP. Maybe somewhere further afield. There are some trails within an hour of DC that will occupy several hours and leave your legs pleasantly sore.

Man, now I'm bummed to be going to the beach this weekend, and not having my signature happy-at-home weekend!

[Anonymous]

I’m in the middle of a really awful legal situation that’s consumed my life for months. It makes me constantly short tempered and snappy. I did a weekend reset last weekend because I was so overwhelmed and knew it was then or never. But a true reset in one weekend in impossible. Be kind to yourself.

It helped that my only child was invited to a travel sports friends’ house 90 minutes away for a sleepover. Another parent drove them to the train Saturday at 1. I picked them up at 12 Sunday. I couldn’t have done my reset if I was working around her.

First I made a rule that I would have before 9 am Sunday to rest and read and have coffee outside, no matter when I woke up, but would set an alarm for 9.

I also gave myself a 7 pm limit on chores Saturday and forced the issue by ordering takeout at 6:30.

I had laundry going all day.
I vacuumed.
I did the dishes and wiped down the kitchen first thing, including fridge emptied and trash out.
I cleaned the bathrooms with a podcast going and a nice candle in the kitchen.
Then I mopped the kitchen (but really fast).
I chose the 3 worst spaces to reset knowing I couldn’t do everything perfectly. This was the back hall where everyone dumps their stuff, the laundry room which has a craft area where stuff also gets dumped, and the car.
I reorganized one set of cabinets that ruin my mood every time I opened them.
I dealt with a few administrative things that were really stressing me out but didn’t do everything.

I went to the station early Sunday for pickup so I could get a fancy iced coffee and read while I waited. When the girls arrived, their tired whining was no big deal because I wasn’t rushed and had time to myself right before. Usually I’d be a little more annoyed and impatient and then beat myself up about it. Ending the weekend with a nice interaction with fun teens was a great way to go into another tough week and reminded me I can be patient and fun and normal.

Go into this knowing you can’t fix your life but you can give yourself the gift of feeling a little more in control.

[Anonymous]

I find this easier to do now that I have an empty nest.

So if you still have young kids at home try not to beat yourself up too much.

I do a weekly cleaning of my home, focusing primarily on getting rid of clutter, scrubbing my bathroom good + wiping down light switches, door handles and remote controls.

I also get caught up on all of my household laundry (including linens!) as well as groceries & toiletries for the upcoming wk too.

I try to make sure the car has a full tank of gas, pick up meds at the pharmacy as well as complete any + all errands necessary.

Finally I take an “everything” shower.
I.e., deep-condition hair/exfoliate skin/shave/etc.

Then I feel all ready to start a brand new week in stride!

[Anonymous]

Why are you doing everything when your kids should be doing it? Just make no plans and make your kids do everything. That’s most weekends for me especially at the beginning and end of the school year. I’m a teacher and I’m tired.

My son is making dinner this weekend and my other son is doing the laundry. I did vacuum a bit last night. That’s it. One of them will go grocery shopping tomorrow.