I hate everything about having a child with special needs

[Anonymous]

The biggest fear for all parents having children is the constant worry that something bad would happen to them.

And for special needs parents… that feeling x100.

I get it.

[Anonymous]

Totally get it OP. If I knew what was coming my old self would have never had a child. And I chose not to have more children because it was difficult from the start after his birth.

He is now 24, and things are much easier. He is on SSI and only working part-time, but he has a beautiful heart and soul and is so kind.

But I still hate that Holland poem with a passion.

[Anonymous]

Holland can eff right off.

[Anonymous]

On the good days it was more like Holland on the bad days, more like Siberia.

[Anonymous]

I hear you too. My DS is 19 and is at the functional level of a 6 yr old with a slew of medical issues and moderate behavioral issues.

I actually admitted to his pediatrician and his psychiatrist (both of whom he’s been with for years and years) that I’ve thought about just not giving him meds anymore or going through with all the diagnostic procedures he has routinely has to have. The struggle just to get a blood draw is crazy difficult. Just let him live out his life. They were both so supportive. I would never tell his specialists that or even most people that I was thinking this.

People say take a break - go away. Ok, I have (luckily I have a supportive husband - not everyone is in this situation) but I know when I get back it’s the same 24/7 care I needed to do before I left.

[Anonymous]

Right there with you, OP.

[Anonymous]

Yes to all of this. We hear you.

[Anonymous]

I’ve been having trouble coping too, op. My oldest was diagnosed as being in the spectrum after my third (and youngest) was born, and now I think it’s possible they’re both on the spectrum. It’s devastating for all of the reasons you listed, among others.

[Anonymous]

Solidarity. I've been told to read up on "radical acceptance" but even the concept name upsets me--I want to read literature or smut or anything but that. My life is no longer my own except a 45 min. here or there but not the entire thing. I never thought I'd be trying to scheme how to get a weekend away alone and that it would be this difficult.

[Anonymous]

I get it in part. My son has disabilities and I never thought I would be parenting someone who is a legal adult this intensively. He's often not nice, which is frustrating, though sometimes he can be.
I think motherhood and parenthood is inherently a crapshoot, though. My cousin has no known disabilities, but has had raging drug and alcohol issues his entire adulthood, despite my aunt and uncle doing their best.

[Anonymous]

I refuse to believe people like that Holland poem. I’m sorry. Trite crap.

[Anonymous]

I hear you too. I feel exactly the same way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I refuse to believe people like that Holland poem. I’m sorry. Trite crap.

Well, you are entitled to your opinion, but refusing to believe that people like it-doesn't mean that no one likes it.

I have a dc with SN, and I also have NT kids. You are not guaranteed a certain parenting experience with NT kids, either.

It's important for moms (and dads) of kids with SN to find a place for support. I'm not local, but in my area, there is an active FB group and occasional meetups (run in conjunction with an enrichment event for sn kids and their nt sibs). I find this a great source of support. Sn parenting can be isolating. You really do have to reach out and find your tribe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I refuse to believe people like that Holland poem. I’m sorry. Trite crap.

Well, you are entitled to your opinion, but refusing to believe that people like it-doesn't mean that no one likes it.

I have a dc with SN, and I also have NT kids. You are not guaranteed a certain parenting experience with NT kids, either.

It's important for moms (and dads) of kids with SN to find a place for support. I'm not local, but in my area, there is an active FB group and occasional meetups (run in conjunction with an enrichment event for sn kids and their nt sibs). I find this a great source of support. Sn parenting can be isolating. You really do have to reach out and find your tribe.

I reached out and it worked for a bit, then it didn’t. I reached out and it didn’t work. I reached out and it worked for a little bit and the it didn’t. I reached out, I reached out, I reached out. I helped form many larger groups that are still active the DMV, but never found a smaller group that worked long term. Reaching out doesn’t always work. You are one of the fortunate if it has worked out long term for you. My sister has a group like that. It is fantastic for her. My kids are now in their twenties and I am sick of reaching out. I just take one day at a time and still hope for a better outcome for my kids.

[Anonymous]

DP and my kid is 18. I never heard of the Holland poem until this so I just googled it and no. It’s not relatable at all.

What was spot on was PP who booked the beach resort and got Times Square and is up all night. But… I actually love NYC. It’s just all of a sudden I’d be shocked, rattled and annoyed if I arrived with my beach stuff and needed a relaxing vacation and literally might not sleep for years. I’d need to be in a completely different mindset to be able to enjoy that environment and find the great food and what the parts of it I love. That might not come for months of years.

Not saying you don’t love your kid. Better days may be ahead!