Feeling resentful after sacrificing for my DH’s career—how to restore balance?

[Anonymous]

13:18 again. Do this while also acknowledging to yourself that likely, he has not held you back from any accomplishments.

[Anonymous]

Btw the 13:18 again post was the one that started with "Money"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is the specific condition?

OP already did a whole thread on this awhile back. Maybe someone can find it. The condition was moving. She got him to agree to a move and now the move is not happening. Anyone remember?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is the specific condition?

I’ve had a long-standing personal/health/wellbeing routine at home that keeps me grounded and brings me joy, but his new role comes with requirements that conflict with it. When I agreed to the life changes that came with his role, my one condition was that it not interfere with this, and now it has. He’s suggested a workaround, but it’s not ideal for me and isn’t what we originally agreed to. I’m trying to figure out where the line is between being supportive and giving up too much of myself. I don’t want to get too specific because it is very unique.

I'm sorry OP. What do you want in this situation? What would make you the happiest with the current reality?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is the specific condition?

I’ve had a long-standing personal/health/wellbeing routine at home that keeps me grounded and brings me joy, but his new role comes with requirements that conflict with it. When I agreed to the life changes that came with his role, my one condition was that it not interfere with this, and now it has. He’s suggested a workaround, but it’s not ideal for me and isn’t what we originally agreed to. I’m trying to figure out where the line is between being supportive and giving up too much of myself. I don’t want to get too specific because it is very unique.

"sleeping in"

[Anonymous]

I think you need to find a solution to the parts of your situation that you don’t like that does not involve your husband. Like hire help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is the specific condition?

I’ve had a long-standing personal/health/wellbeing routine at home that keeps me grounded and brings me joy, but his new role comes with requirements that conflict with it. When I agreed to the life changes that came with his role, my one condition was that it not interfere with this, and now it has. He’s suggested a workaround, but it’s not ideal for me and isn’t what we originally agreed to. I’m trying to figure out where the line is between being supportive and giving up too much of myself. I don’t want to get too specific because it is very unique.

[Anonymous]

This might sound extreme, but post-nup. I ended up in a really bad situation that turned into financial control and abuse but it started as “innocently” as making a compromise for my husband’s career. Things escalated from there. As I go through a pretty scary divorce I wish I’d taken action to draw a line in the sand when I could and protect myself and my children.

[Anonymous]

Having seen a lot of women step out of careers, my observations are:

- almost all were very happy to step out. They either did not have a career of which to speak. Or they were on the very early years of their careers before things escalated.

- But, to hold the moral upper hand, they all like to claim that they had 'big' careers AND they like to claim that leaving their career was not motivated by their own desires, and that it involved a lot of 'sacrifices.

- and they all seem to enjoy a lot of the perks of their hard working, high earning husbands.

So it seem bonkers to then turn around and complain and act like you aren't quite happy not working.

[Anonymous]

It would depend a lot on whether he is choosing not to meet the condition or if it's something that he didn't anticipate that his new job would require. If he can't help it I don't see how you'd have the ground to be resentful. I would ask him to find a different solution (hire a sitter, etc).

[Anonymous]

Are you the woman whose husband took a job that is now requiring the midnight shift?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like we really need to know what the condition was to understand this.

+1

+2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having seen a lot of women step out of careers, my observations are:

- almost all were very happy to step out. They either did not have a career of which to speak. Or they were on the very early years of their careers before things escalated.

- But, to hold the moral upper hand, they all like to claim that they had 'big' careers AND they like to claim that leaving their career was not motivated by their own desires, and that it involved a lot of 'sacrifices.

- and they all seem to enjoy a lot of the perks of their hard working, high earning husbands.

So it seem bonkers to then turn around and complain and act like you aren't quite happy not working.

Wow. This isn’t what I have seen AT ALL.

[Anonymous]

I have a regular coffee meet-up with the other spouses. It makes everything feel more normal.

I don’t know how to make things feel more equitable. I think that equality in marriage needs to be measured over a lifetime and not day to day or even year to year. You are shouldering more of the sacrifices right now, but some day, when your kids are older, you will have the flexibility to start a new business or take risks in your career because you know that you have a steady source of income from your husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having seen a lot of women step out of careers, my observations are:

- almost all were very happy to step out. They either did not have a career of which to speak. Or they were on the very early years of their careers before things escalated.

- But, to hold the moral upper hand, they all like to claim that they had 'big' careers AND they like to claim that leaving their career was not motivated by their own desires, and that it involved a lot of 'sacrifices.

- and they all seem to enjoy a lot of the perks of their hard working, high earning husbands.

So it seem bonkers to then turn around and complain and act like you aren't quite happy not working.

Wow. This isn’t what I have seen AT ALL.

Ehhh I've seen it..