Am I delusional?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just move to Connecticut or Westchester.

I’m the OP - We aren’t white and both had terrible experiences growing up in the nyc suburbs. We would rather move overseas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think if you want TT K, you hold her back a year, let her mature socially, and then she will likely get the TT admission. If you don’t wanna pay for 2T/3T, go public. School has to manage all these kids, and they know which ones they are going to broker TT for. They are telling you it’s not going to be your kid- it sucks, but you don’t want to go through the whole thing and be disappointed. The preschools have a lot of power in this whole game.

It wasn’t just TT, they also shot down sacred heart, nightingale and CGPS. They were really pushing Bank Street and Town, which we really aren’t interested in.

I guess it’s a hard lesson for us that we have to play these stupid games. Honestly wish we had just done public pre-k or non-feeder, no support would be better than what they are offering.

[Anonymous]

When my daughter was in preschool, her PSD suggested that we focus on Nightingale and Chapin because "they are good schools for shy girls" (her words, not mine!). My daughter ended up getting into Dalton and is thriving there. This is all to say, you can take the PSD suggestions with a grain of salt to some extent. If your child does well at the playdate assessments at the TT schools, she still has a chance to get in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think if you want TT K, you hold her back a year, let her mature socially, and then she will likely get the TT admission. If you don’t wanna pay for 2T/3T, go public. School has to manage all these kids, and they know which ones they are going to broker TT for. They are telling you it’s not going to be your kid- it sucks, but you don’t want to go through the whole thing and be disappointed. The preschools have a lot of power in this whole game.

It wasn’t just TT, they also shot down sacred heart, nightingale and CGPS. They were really pushing Bank Street and Town, which we really aren’t interested in.

I guess it’s a hard lesson for us that we have to play these stupid games. Honestly wish we had just done public pre-k or non-feeder, no support would be better than what they are offering.

This sounds like a bad PSD. Sacred Heart, Nightingale and (especially) CGPS are all very attainable schools IMO, particularly if you are full-pay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a similar situation many years ago. Ended up going public. My kid was admittedly a bit behind socially (and was also on the younger side for private) but the pre-school acted like they were a lost cause - suggested holding them back which was clearly an awful idea. Kid has been a superstar academically and socially and switched to private for HS where they are continuing to excel - glad I saved my money - wish I hadn't wasted it on the over-rated fancy pre-school.

Good luck!

OP here - Yeah the lost cause thing was what struck me. very little discussion about what they could be doing, a lot of “socialize her more", which we do (we are one of the only families in this school that proactively tries to set up play dates outside of school, and we always have playground hangouts with kids in our neighborhood and building in the evening and weekends). After a year in school I would have expected that my kid would have come out of her shell more but it looks like the school isn’t even really trying with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:if it makes you feel better, my two kids who both went public k-8 are now both at HYP.

if you live on the UES and are zoned for those k-5s, do not look back. spend all that money on a safari and a trip to the Galapagos. privates will open to you down the road, if you want them

I guess I’m a little worried about middle, I’ve heard it’s really competitive to get into the good schools then, even more so than K. And the NYC middle school process is a shit show.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a similar situation many years ago. Ended up going public. My kid was admittedly a bit behind socially (and was also on the younger side for private) but the pre-school acted like they were a lost cause - suggested holding them back which was clearly an awful idea. Kid has been a superstar academically and socially and switched to private for HS where they are continuing to excel - glad I saved my money - wish I hadn't wasted it on the over-rated fancy pre-school.

Good luck!

OP here - Yeah the lost cause thing was what struck me. very little discussion about what they could be doing, a lot of “socialize her more", which we do (we are one of the only families in this school that proactively tries to set up play dates outside of school, and we always have playground hangouts with kids in our neighborhood and building in the evening and weekends). After a year in school I would have expected that my kid would have come out of her shell more but it looks like the school isn’t even really trying with her.

I’m sorry this is happening OP. I think it’s strange your PSD would shoot down CPGS, nightingale or sacred heart, and as others have said upthread, you should definitely take what they say with a grain of salt and apply if that’s what you decide.

Do you mind sharing which prek? We are currently narrowing down our list to apply next year, and we are normal parents, not from NYC, who do well and have some connections. However, we are not Ivy Leaguers or billionaires. We are not going to be happy if we are treated as second class citizens by PSDs for not being legacies/Ivy Leaguers, so trying to avoid those kind of PSDs from the get go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And the NYC middle school process is a shit show.

It’s not that bad nowadays, they no longer have much in the way of competitive applications and it’s mostly lotteried - assuming your kid gets decent grades in 4th, your baseline with a bad lottery number is the Baruch or Wagner screened programs, which are both perfectly nice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think if you want TT K, you hold her back a year, let her mature socially, and then she will likely get the TT admission. If you don’t wanna pay for 2T/3T, go public. School has to manage all these kids, and they know which ones they are going to broker TT for. They are telling you it’s not going to be your kid- it sucks, but you don’t want to go through the whole thing and be disappointed. The preschools have a lot of power in this whole game.

It wasn’t just TT, they also shot down sacred heart, nightingale and CGPS. They were really pushing Bank Street and Town, which we really aren’t interested in.

I guess it’s a hard lesson for us that we have to play these stupid games. Honestly wish we had just done public pre-k or non-feeder, no support would be better than what they are offering.

This sounds like a bad PSD. Sacred Heart, Nightingale and (especially) CGPS are all very attainable schools IMO, particularly if you are full-pay.

Maybe shot down is too strong of a phrase. When we mentioned those schools they said that was fine but that they felt she would really “thrive" at progressive schools. And seemed a bit disappointed when we said we weren’t interested in progressive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a similar situation many years ago. Ended up going public. My kid was admittedly a bit behind socially (and was also on the younger side for private) but the pre-school acted like they were a lost cause - suggested holding them back which was clearly an awful idea. Kid has been a superstar academically and socially and switched to private for HS where they are continuing to excel - glad I saved my money - wish I hadn't wasted it on the over-rated fancy pre-school.

Good luck!

OP here - Yeah the lost cause thing was what struck me. very little discussion about what they could be doing, a lot of “socialize her more", which we do (we are one of the only families in this school that proactively tries to set up play dates outside of school, and we always have playground hangouts with kids in our neighborhood and building in the evening and weekends). After a year in school I would have expected that my kid would have come out of her shell more but it looks like the school isn’t even really trying with her.

I’m sorry this is happening OP. I think it’s strange your PSD would shoot down CPGS, nightingale or sacred heart, and as others have said upthread, you should definitely take what they say with a grain of salt and apply if that’s what you decide.

Do you mind sharing which prek? We are currently narrowing down our list to apply next year, and we are normal parents, not from NYC, who do well and have some connections. However, we are not Ivy Leaguers or billionaires. We are not going to be happy if we are treated as second class citizens by PSDs for not being legacies/Ivy Leaguers, so trying to avoid those kind of PSDs from the get go.

Not the OP but this is how it is at many of the feeders.

[Anonymous]

OP, I know you said you weren’t interested in progressive schools, but have you asked your PSD why they feel that approach is particularly well-suited to your daughter? It’s possible they have a thoughtful rationale behind the recommendation.

Progressive schools often ease into academics – kindergarten tends to be more play-based – and they can be more flexible with younger birthdays, since that environment can support kids on the younger end of the cohort.

It may be worth exploring those schools with an open mind – tour, attend info sessions, and spend some time on their websites. You might find that certain elements resonate more than expected. If not, public K for a year to allow for additional maturity, followed by reapplying to more traditional programs, sounds like a very reasonable path.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just move to Connecticut or Westchester.

Intolerable. If you can reasonably afford private school and a nice apartment in NYC you shouldn’t move to the tristate suburbs. They’re awful places to grow up

Why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I know you said you weren’t interested in progressive schools, but have you asked your PSD why they feel that approach is particularly well-suited to your daughter? It’s possible they have a thoughtful rationale behind the recommendation.

Progressive schools often ease into academics – kindergarten tends to be more play-based – and they can be more flexible with younger birthdays, since that environment can support kids on the younger end of the cohort.

It may be worth exploring those schools with an open mind – tour, attend info sessions, and spend some time on their websites. You might find that certain elements resonate more than expected. If not, public K for a year to allow for additional maturity, followed by reapplying to more traditional programs, sounds like a very reasonable path.

I don't know much about Town but I personally know 2 families at Bank Street. The kids are not academically prepared for high school. I would avoid.

[Anonymous]

Public middle school process is not ideal but not awful. My child went to what would be considered a good but not great public middle school and is thriving in private HS, and they have several friends doing very well at privates and SHSAT schools. I didn't think they were learning that much but it was fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD goes to a private UES preschool. We're applying to K in the fall and had a meeting with her head teacher and PSD to discuss options. Our kid is occasionally shy but IMO bright - outside of school she's verbal, has started to read small words and loves to add and subtract. She asks thoughtful questions and is able to make friends easily with other kids in our neighborhood. She has one "bestie" at school and gets along well with the other children, based on playdates we've had outside of school. She has a good attention span, we read fairly advanced books to her and she is able to keep up.

The teacher feedback felt like they were talking about a different child. They said that she doesn't engage with the more academic material and doesn't really ask any questions and isn't a "leader." They essentially shot down us applying to any TT schools (not in so many words but stating that they wouldn't be a good "fit") as well as some 2Ts. I asked them which schools they do feel would be a good fit and they mentioned a few less rigorous progressive schools. We're not really interested in progressive schools and given the feedback feel like she could do with something more structured rather than less.

I get that they are managing expectations but I feel like they're just trying to pigeonhole us into less competitive schools so we're not competing for spots against siblings and legacies. We're really confused and not sure how to proceed. I understand the ISAAGNY report matters a lot as well as the preschool visit, and we really do need them to be on board, it's also too late for us to switch. My kid's birthday is early June so theoretically we could wait another year, but my instinct tells me it would be the wrong move. Kind of want to just do public school and be done with it

Be polite but apply to all the schools you would still like to apply to. I hear this time and time again about people not following the recs of the schools - whether it be for elementary school or even for college. Often they end up getting admitted. In meantime maybe your daughter does not feel comfortable in the current setting so maybe take that part of the advice in regards to schools choosing next. Maybe class size etc... will impact your daughter more and the type of learning style, etc...