Your experience handling teen medication refusal for ADHD
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
I would reduce his access to bodybuilding-related content. He's probably watching all kinds of horrible manosphere stuff and what you're seeing is the tip of the iceberg.
Kids will make fun of him unmedicated because of his behaviors. |
Anonymous
|
I think you need to meet with the psychiatrist and ask the psychiatrist to listen to all of the boy’s concerns and explain how the medication works and about the growth part. You also need to get him an executive functioning coach to help him with assignments. He may have to learn on his own that being on meds will make things much easier. I’d also take him to visit some colleges now, from a four-year college to a community college, so that he can see the end game once he has a high school diploma.
I’d keep strict limits on screen time and what’s on his phone, as it’s hard for people with ADHD to manage screens. |
Anonymous
They also will just lie and said they took it. It's very common for teens to stop taking ADHD meds, or to skip doses depending on what they want to be doing. It's one of the reasons they struggle with looking at longterm efficacy of the drugs -- people tend to take them as prescribed at first, but then start skipping doses or stop taking it altogether. |
Anonymous
This risk is NOT negligible, it is a fact ADHD medication can delay growth. No 15 year old boy wants to have his growth stalled. So think of other options that will help him. Tell him if he doesn't want to take medication you will then help him organize his work and sit down with him to study. You will remind him to put his work into folders you organize and then text him to turn in his work. Give him a caffeinated beverage before studying. There are other options at this point in time instead of medication. |
Anonymous
|
Hi all and thanks for your posts. I read through everything. This place helps to get through some pretty tough times. I’ll answer some of the points above.
Exec Coach- We tried it, it did not work. DS says yes to the professional and expensive coach, then goes off with no change in behavior or buy in. I also recently (this school year) recruited our neighbor who is a young teacher, on extended maternity break. She would make a big list of things that need to be done in terms of follow ups with teachers and missing assignments, but then DS wouldn’t follow up when he’s at school…. We stopped during the holidays and then he never agreed to go back saying that it’s just a waste of money. Homework: DS gets violently angry if I suggest that I sit next to him while he is doing his homework or if I’m just in the vicinity and I keep an eye on him. He starts yelling Go Away. Yes, we talk almost every day when the money is right about composure, regulation, why school is important. It is now like my second job to keep reading up and watch content on how to parent a defiant teen with ADHD… Tutor- DS rejects any tutor. “I don’t need a tutor. You will see. I will catch up on my own on missing assignments. And I will do a retake test. It doesn’t help and you will just waste the money.” - he says. We had online math tutor - DS told the tutor he had no questions and session kept being cut like that… Doctor / neutral party talk. Our prescription is pretty minimal, and it is prescribed by a regular doctor. I was unable to get into psychiatrist - it is always either insurance problem or unavailability problem. So based on the diagnosis made by a psychologist, we got prescription from our family doctor. I think I was here before and folks recommended to have DS talk to the doctor directly. It was some months ago that DS talked to family doctor. He acted friendly and agreed to take medication but the moment we went to the car, he said he lied to the doctor. He he continued refusing medication. That doctor took time…. Explained everything; he said that his own children are taking it; explain that risks are minimal compared to benefits. Lying: this behavior is constant. The latest lie is that DS skipped a class due to not being ready and then lied about it. This happened twice; same subject — history. And this is how I know that ability is not a problem… history requires reading and stamina to get through lengthy readings… and I clearly see that DS is unable to do that. On the other hand, DS is in honors geometry class. He’s able to handle it if he studies but this one is slipping too lately. Latest issues: DS became violent breaking the property when I took away his phone and comp privilege… he broke the full body mirror in his room and into shreds. And pulled ceiling height bookcase off the anchoring, and onto the floor… in other words, his room was trashed. I read up and this is elimination strategy. When teens know that the punishment is real, they act out in order to eliminate the threat in this way… this was a few weeks ago and we started individual therapy with a new provider. She seems very young and not sure she can handle it. You folks know that it is not easy to find a therapist that is a good match. Online therapy is fam therapy and DS wants to stop it - he says it is not helpful. I am probably forgetting something…. I think my immediate plan is to have a family doctor talk to him again. I already have an appointment and also even though it is a long time just to get a psychiatrist appointment. I am so worn out that I think of going on FMLA… |
Anonymous
|
I would look into Strattera as a non stimulant medication that should also help with mood regulation. Guanfacine is another option, but taking that one inconsistently can cause issues. I would post here asking for psychiatrist recommendations and be open to someone who doesn't take insurance.
Does your DC have a 504 plan or IEP for school? Might just rile him up further but cou6help if he's open to it |
Anonymous
OP you need much better help than your family doctor and a young therapist. Despite what people say, ADHD medications are not going to solve what you listed - and you cannot force him to take it anyway. You need the support of a therapist experienced in behavioral issues because your home has far too much conflict that you seem to be triggering. In the interim you need to back way, way off of demands and punishments until you develop a plan with the support of a therapist. The therapist is for YOU not your kid. Drop everything else except for positive things you do with him. |
Anonymous
| Reduce his screen time, that will help him focus. Screen time limits, social media limits, etc. Absolutely will help him focus. |
Anonymous
We’ve been through something very similar with my son. He needs a psychiatrist, full stop. A family doctor is simply not equipped to deal with these issues. And if your son is having outbursts, a stimulant medication is going to make them worse, not better. He may not be articulating it, and he may not even be self-aware enough to notice, but the ADHD medication probably makes him feel worse, not better, as is often the case with someone who has emotional regulation problems like you describe. He either needs some type of SSRI or mood stabilizer, then something to help with the ADHD (stimulant or non-stimulant) or a non-stimulant like Intuniv or Strattera. Only a psychiatrist can help figure out what would work best and he may need to try several meds or even combos of meds before finding the right solution. Let your son talk to the psychiatrist directly so he feels ownership in coming up with his treatment plan. He needs a good therapist. Often it takes trying out several before you find the one he connects with and respects. My son now has a therapist (his forth) who he helped select and he really likes and respects. She’s great about explaining the neuroscience behind his ADHD and anxiety and that resonates with him (it’s not something that would resonate with me). It’s amazing- he listens to her in a way he won’t listen to us. A recent example was he refused to take a SAT prep course bc it “took too much time”. His therapist talked to him about how much this can improve his score and open up college choices (which we tried to explain). He came home from a therapy session and asked me to sign him up for the course. Drop the rope on tutoring and homework. Honestly, until he wants to succeed, all this is doing is creating battles you’re not going to win. It’s so hard to stop wanting to intervene. But you simply cannot make him want good grades. My son got a 3.0 freshman year, a 3.4 sophomore year and now has a 3.89 as a junior. He didn’t start caring about his grades until late last year once we let him know his school was not our responsibility and his success or failure in school was all on him. We did everything we could to try to help him and he floundered. Now that we stopped, he’s finally putting forth the effort. Therapy for you. You need help setting boundaries with him. You also need to not make this your entire focus right now. Going out on FMLA would be the worst thing you could do bc you wouldn’t have the distraction of work. This is hard, but your son’s issues are part of his life experience. You can try to help him, but there’s only so much you can do and ultimately, he’s going to have to figure out how to cope with his ADHD and emotional disregulation. You can do everything in the world to give him all the tools to succeed, but nothing will work until he starts using them. Similar to how an alcoholic won’t get better until they can admit they’ve lost control and need help, your son’s issues won’t start improving until he’s ready to start doing the work. Getting him on the right medication (not a stimulant, which is only increasing irritability and emotional disregulation) is the first step to allow his brain to think more logically so that he can be open to help. |
Anonymous
No good doctor would start with Ritalin. This should be a major red flag that your doctor doesn’t know what he’s doing. |
Anonymous
You know nothing about me. But thanks. We actually have a great relationship. It’s okay to hold the line. |
Anonymous
Talk to your psychiatrist. This is actually all true |
Anonymous
|
There have been many studies on the effect of stimulants on growth. A number have found a small effect, but not a significant one. Even assuming he is on the shorter side it really going to matter if he is 5'9" vs. 5'8 1/2"?
I don't agree that it is just an issue of his choice under the circumstances you describe. You say you are in a situation where a minor living in my house was creating a situation that made me feel like I was aging a year every weekend. That's not fair to you, if the situation can be changed by meds. However, on the lying, I would just let that go, based on my own experience. It's beyond frustrating, but engaging on it leads to nothing productive. |
Anonymous
PP. yes ITA about needing a psychiatrist too! |
Anonymous
|
ITA also about a psychiatrist. The thing is that there are tons of medications for ADHD and finding the right one sometimes takes time.
My DS also rejected help at the beginning. The only way I got him to try is to acknowledge explicitly to him that he is becoming an independent person who gets to make his own decisions, but that I hoped that he recognized that I, as a parent had a lot more knowledge of and understanding of ADHD, meds and health care and that I really cared about him and sensed that he was not very happy and that I was offering him tools to help him cope with ADHD and his life and that he could create a life he was happier with. I pointed out that it seemed kind of short-sighted to make a decision about medication without talking to the expert in medication - the psychiatrist. I validated his concerns about meds and said there are many ways to handle and gave him examples - take meds in am after a big bkfst, have a second dinner after meds wear off, pack small snacks for school, try a different med, etc. I also validated repeatedly that I know that brain based disorders - whether ADHD, a learning disability or mental illness like depression - are at their core physical (brain chemistry and brain networks) and that stigma against them is wrong and stupid, and not at all what I believe. He did ultimately see the psychiatrist and tried both ADHD medication and an anti-depressant, which he found helpful. He stopped taking meds in college, had a bad semester, but then got into an academic major he found really interesting which solved many of his ADHD problems. While growth impact is a real concern with ADHD stimulants, the impact on growth mostly comes from the way stimulants decrease appetite. Lower caloric intake during the critical growth period means slightly less height. But, there are many ways to try to ensure a kid still eats enough. Some I mentioned above. Others involve taking a short-acting dose and stacking all academic classes in the first half of the day so that normal appetite resumes. School *must* make scheduling accommodations if you want to do this. FWIW, I am also ADHD and found taking Straterra pretty helpful - it helps my emotions be not so big and that was a big part of task avoidance for me. It also dampens the Default Mode Network which allows the Task Positive Network to be more effective - this cuts down my daydreaming/rumination. |