Hyper self-cousciousness when I talk

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whenever I talk to someone, anyone, I get SO in my head about whether I said the right thing or offended someone, talked too much. It's gotten to the point I've developed a phobia of speaking. I just forced myself to participate during a zoom. My boss seemed interested in what I said, but I feel like I took up too much space and sounded dumb in the way I phrased my ideas. I will now replay this for a couple hours and feel like the biggest idiot. A couple months ago I went to a wedding and I will have thoughts pop in my head randomly about whether I sounded like an ass when I said bye to the bride, or whether a comment I made to a distant cousin was rude. If dh takes our dog to the park, I don't even want to go because I fear I'll say something stupid to someone. How do I stop being like that?

*pulls up chair to commiserate*
🌻

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whenever I talk to someone, anyone, I get SO in my head about whether I said the right thing or offended someone, talked too much. It's gotten to the point I've developed a phobia of speaking. I just forced myself to participate during a zoom. My boss seemed interested in what I said, but I feel like I took up too much space and sounded dumb in the way I phrased my ideas. I will now replay this for a couple hours and feel like the biggest idiot. A couple months ago I went to a wedding and I will have thoughts pop in my head randomly about whether I sounded like an ass when I said bye to the bride, or whether a comment I made to a distant cousin was rude. If dh takes our dog to the park, I don't even want to go because I fear I'll say something stupid to someone. How do I stop being like that?

Just stop being that way. Sounds simple but starting today just say "I am who I am. I am not for everyone and everyone is not for me." Have confidence in who you are. Try to be a good listener, do not interrupt others when they are speaking, and be aware of reading the room Other than that - just have confidence in who you are and stop questioning yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Toastmasters is designed to address this.

NP. This made me google and find a club nearby. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whenever I talk to someone, anyone, I get SO in my head about whether I said the right thing or offended someone, talked too much. It's gotten to the point I've developed a phobia of speaking. I just forced myself to participate during a zoom. My boss seemed interested in what I said, but I feel like I took up too much space and sounded dumb in the way I phrased my ideas. I will now replay this for a couple hours and feel like the biggest idiot. A couple months ago I went to a wedding and I will have thoughts pop in my head randomly about whether I sounded like an ass when I said bye to the bride, or whether a comment I made to a distant cousin was rude. If dh takes our dog to the park, I don't even want to go because I fear I'll say something stupid to someone. How do I stop being like that?

Just stop being that way. Sounds simple but starting today just say "I am who I am. I am not for everyone and everyone is not for me." Have confidence in who you are. Try to be a good listener, do not interrupt others when they are speaking, and be aware of reading the room Other than that - just have confidence in who you are and stop questioning yourself.

Idk, I think I am a good listener (I much prefer it, since I hate speaking) and ask questions but I always feel like whatever tiny contribution is bad, and actually much worse than someone who was super chatty and said a bunch of crazy or even rude things because that's entertaining, while someone who doesn't talk a lot and says something dumb when they do speak adds so little value. I am 46 and in peri but I've always been a little bit that way. Now it's much worse (I'd say it increasingly got worse post covid and peak now).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Same. Everybody tells me to do improv.

Yes! Improv and toastmasters will help a lot as well as meditation, exercise and breathing. Only resort to drugs as a last measure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whenever I talk to someone, anyone, I get SO in my head about whether I said the right thing or offended someone, talked too much. It's gotten to the point I've developed a phobia of speaking. I just forced myself to participate during a zoom. My boss seemed interested in what I said, but I feel like I took up too much space and sounded dumb in the way I phrased my ideas. I will now replay this for a couple hours and feel like the biggest idiot. A couple months ago I went to a wedding and I will have thoughts pop in my head randomly about whether I sounded like an ass when I said bye to the bride, or whether a comment I made to a distant cousin was rude. If dh takes our dog to the park, I don't even want to go because I fear I'll say something stupid to someone. How do I stop being like that?

Ugh. I am the same way. Following.
Also I would like to note that I was never this way until I went to professional school and dated someone who would be considered out of my league from a class standpoint. That triggered all of this.

Same here, but it started when I starting dating my STBX. He was really critical and his voice got in my head. After he left I noticed my socializing ramped up immediately and with ease. The only time I’m flustered is the time leading up to having to interact with him for custody or legal stuff.