How to emotionally prepare for separation/divorce?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: Ripped off the bandage, revealed what I knew-did not get any confession or remorse-I expected it but wow some weight lifted off my chest..

Get into therapy. For yourself alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: Ripped off the bandage, revealed what I knew-did not get any confession or remorse-I expected it but wow some weight lifted off my chest..

Didn’t you post this on a different thread yesterday?

[Anonymous]

OP - who would be paying for kids college ? Do you have a prenup ?

It’s easy to recommend to “weather” it but my exH told me right at my face he didn’t love and didn’t respect me. He didn’t want to attend therapy because he was cheating .

[Anonymous]

Is your plan to stay until your youngest is out of high school?

[Anonymous]

I am divorced. I don’t think it was hard. The marriage was hard.

It is not easier being divorced so keep that in mind. Also don’t divorce thinking you will find another partner—only do it if being single forever is better than being married to this man.

I would not divorce if you have the slightest hesitation. You might regret it. Only do it if you know for sure you won’t regret it. I would pause if I were you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am divorced. I don’t think it was hard. The marriage was hard.

It is not easier being divorced so keep that in mind. Also don’t divorce thinking you will find another partner—only do it if being single forever is better than being married to this man.

I would not divorce if you have the slightest hesitation. You might regret it. Only do it if you know for sure you won’t regret it. I would pause if I were you.

She should be prepared regardless. The cheating spouse could decide to up and leave at any moment. It takes only one person to divorce.

[Anonymous]

Focus on the big picture. Get clear on what you need, what you value and what you want from this point going forward, independent of your spouse and the life you built. Doesn’t mean to abandon it, rather look at it with fresh eyes and make decisions to continue or change.

Allow yourself space to truly grieve, moving through the emotions that arise. Don’t avoid them, treat them as waves.

So much time and resources get wasted on blaming and trying to get even. Don’t get sucked into it, let the feelings pass and keep your eyes on the big picture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hey OP on a positive note you can now join the line of older women f**g younger men.

F u for trying to drag down a woman whose been betrayed repeatedly

[Anonymous]

There’s a certain amount of just do it.

Therapy helps, but definitely strengthen your friend network. Lean into old friends. Even faraway ones can be good to talk with… my friends were so much more understanding and helpful than I could have imagined.

A year after the divorce and my social life is a million times better than it was during my marriage. It’s a combination of having more time to myself and using that to travel/reconnect with old friends, pursue some personal interests and training that has led to some very close new friends, and expanding my career and contacts there.

Being in a bad marriage grinds down your sense of self. As you come back into yourself, you’ll connect more with others who are your people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There’s a certain amount of just do it.

Therapy helps, but definitely strengthen your friend network. Lean into old friends. Even faraway ones can be good to talk with… my friends were so much more understanding and helpful than I could have imagined.

A year after the divorce and my social life is a million times better than it was during my marriage. It’s a combination of having more time to myself and using that to travel/reconnect with old friends, pursue some personal interests and training that has led to some very close new friends, and expanding my career and contacts there.

Being in a bad marriage grinds down your sense of self. As you come back into yourself, you’ll connect more with others who are your people.

Not OP but could you elaborate a little bit more on the professional training you’ve got ? I’m thinking of same

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I cant bear to stay with my cheating spouse anymore, and am working on gathering documents for separation. I am scared to death just thinking of this transition (together for almost 3 decades), and although I have a lawyer, I just dont know how to prepare emotionally-also considering I will be with the kids (older teens-one in college). My therapist pointed out i am trying to talk myself out of it. I am prepared to take a financial hit but the emotional hit scares me. I dont have any family around to lean on, but do have a decent federal job.

I feel you. I don’t love my wife anymore. She’s refused intimacy for years. My therapist tells me I need to do it for my mental health but with a kid that has health issues and needs to be monitored, separating is problematic.
I simply don’t know what to do or when. I really dislike my situation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I cant bear to stay with my cheating spouse anymore, and am working on gathering documents for separation. I am scared to death just thinking of this transition (together for almost 3 decades), and although I have a lawyer, I just dont know how to prepare emotionally-also considering I will be with the kids (older teens-one in college). My therapist pointed out i am trying to talk myself out of it. I am prepared to take a financial hit but the emotional hit scares me. I dont have any family around to lean on, but do have a decent federal job.

I feel you. I don’t love my wife anymore. She’s refused intimacy for years. My therapist tells me I need to do it for my mental health but with a kid that has health issues and needs to be monitored, separating is problematic.
I simply don’t know what to do or when. I really dislike my situation

So sorry to hear this, how old is your kid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There’s a certain amount of just do it.

Therapy helps, but definitely strengthen your friend network. Lean into old friends. Even faraway ones can be good to talk with… my friends were so much more understanding and helpful than I could have imagined.

A year after the divorce and my social life is a million times better than it was during my marriage. It’s a combination of having more time to myself and using that to travel/reconnect with old friends, pursue some personal interests and training that has led to some very close new friends, and expanding my career and contacts there.

Being in a bad marriage grinds down your sense of self. As you come back into yourself, you’ll connect more with others who are your people.

How old are you? Did you change address?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s a certain amount of just do it.

Therapy helps, but definitely strengthen your friend network. Lean into old friends. Even faraway ones can be good to talk with… my friends were so much more understanding and helpful than I could have imagined.

A year after the divorce and my social life is a million times better than it was during my marriage. It’s a combination of having more time to myself and using that to travel/reconnect with old friends, pursue some personal interests and training that has led to some very close new friends, and expanding my career and contacts there.

Being in a bad marriage grinds down your sense of self. As you come back into yourself, you’ll connect more with others who are your people.

Not OP but could you elaborate a little bit more on the professional training you’ve got ? I’m thinking of same

Yoga/ meditation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s a certain amount of just do it.

Therapy helps, but definitely strengthen your friend network. Lean into old friends. Even faraway ones can be good to talk with… my friends were so much more understanding and helpful than I could have imagined.

A year after the divorce and my social life is a million times better than it was during my marriage. It’s a combination of having more time to myself and using that to travel/reconnect with old friends, pursue some personal interests and training that has led to some very close new friends, and expanding my career and contacts there.

Being in a bad marriage grinds down your sense of self. As you come back into yourself, you’ll connect more with others who are your people.

How old are you? Did you change address?

No, I bought my ex out. Mid 40s.