Would you work full time in this scenario?

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry you were laid off, but honestly when I (and likely many) saw your spouse’s salary it kind of stopped me in my tracks. That is very high. Echo that if you stop now it will be harder to find a job in 50s but be grateful you have safety set of high income spouse (many of us struggling in this economy do not - 1 or both people in couple are losing jobs.) Don’t think you need to navigate this terrible job market now but be ready to go at any time given he could lose his.

[Anonymous]

1. This might be decided for you, if no one wants to hire you in a bad job market.

2. I humbly suggest that your household is not financially stable enough for you to stop working entirely. I know someone will come on here to say that you're far wealthier than most Americans your age. But I don't think you want to compare yourself with people who will suffer from poverty unless they die young, for absolutely sure. People just can't wrap their minds around inflation and don't grasp that what's good money now will not be good money in 20-30 years.

3. You deserve a good long break to figure yourself out and what sort of occupation you could pivot to. Take that time, and don't let yourself go physically. My friend is currently getting all the way to the in-person interview at all the jobs she's applying to, and then gets the boot. She's not dyeing her hair and she looks like a Grandma. Don't sabotage yourself when it's time to do a job interview.

[Anonymous]

45 is not young (to employers.) Ageism exists and is particularly powerful in this bad job market.

[Anonymous]

If your spouse is willing to bankroll the family from now on, then it sounds like you can afford to retire. I would recommend doing extra around the house and with the kids so your spouse values your role as a stay-at-home spouse. Most people who resent their unemployed partner feel they are being taken advantage of in some way, so if you make your spouse feel that you are taking extra care at home and with the kids, then it's a win for them too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got laid off and am trying to think about next steps.

Assume:
- 3 kids, one late ES, two in high school. College savings for all is done.
Just undergrad or are you thinking of paying for grad school or professional school too?
- mortgage is $5k/month. Equity of 600k. How much is left of the original principal and how many years? Do you have a good rate?
- car payments totaling $300/month Great. Think of three cars for your kids when they start working or go to college too.
- 3.5 mill saved for retirement/brokerage. Continuing to save on DH’s income. Do you have any idea how much monthly income in today's dollars you will need post retirement? Will you have that amount by retirement age? Conservatively, what is there is no social security by the time you retire
- DH income of 300k, pretty stable.
- no family help unless truly needed.

I’m 45, DH is similar. I’m not sure what I want to do with the rest of my life, but I have no motivation to get another full time professional job and jump back into the rat race. But, it isn’t fair to DH to support us all, and also, what if something happens and we need my income?
A whole lot of term life insurances is what you need for this peace of mind. Also, have disability and long term insurance for both of you. Get in good shape so that you get good rates.

I could be more fulfilled with some volunteering and perhaps a part time job. That feels entitled to me, since DH will be working all day. He says he has no preference. Divorce is not on the radar but of course even his stable job could go away.

I don’t want to make an irresponsible decision because I’m burnt out. Any thoughts?
1. I became a SAHM when my youngest was 1 yr old at age 40.
2. We did a whole bunch of term life insurances so that if something happened to my DH, I would never have to go back to work in my life.
3. DH was making as much as your DH is, but, our home was not very expensive.
4. Only 2 kids. Nicely spaced. Only went to public magnets and state flagship university for full tuition merit scholarship.
5. Over the years - we were able to pay for college (R&B), grad school, car, wedding...

I will say that it was only after DH loaded us up with all sorts of insurances, and knowing no divorce or cheating would happen, and having a great pension from work, and having no pre-nup etc...that I was able to relax about the finances. I have continued to have a paucity mindset because I was always scared that some financial disaster will occur. Of course, now we have passed the age that even getting laid off will not impact us that I have relaxed.

I believe that being a SAHM was a great choice and it really benefited my family. BUT, the financial anxiety is a real thing. You have to prep for it by getting your insurances in place and living below your means.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your spouse is willing to bankroll the family from now on, then it sounds like you can afford to retire. I would recommend doing extra around the house and with the kids so your spouse values your role as a stay-at-home spouse. Most people who resent their unemployed partner feel they are being taken advantage of in some way, so if you make your spouse feel that you are taking extra care at home and with the kids, then it's a win for them too.

I agree. My kids became super-achievers at school once I became a SAHM and their journey from K-12 to college to work was super smooth. My DH takes a lot of pride in how our kids are thriving and how well-adjusted they are. My staying home was a huge win for our family and I took away a lot of things from my DH's plate. He encouraged me to also outsource what I could outsource.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your spouse is willing to bankroll the family from now on, then it sounds like you can afford to retire. I would recommend doing extra around the house and with the kids so your spouse values your role as a stay-at-home spouse. Most people who resent their unemployed partner feel they are being taken advantage of in some way, so if you make your spouse feel that you are taking extra care at home and with the kids, then it's a win for them too.

I agree. My kids became super-achievers at school once I became a SAHM and their journey from K-12 to college to work was super smooth. My DH takes a lot of pride in how our kids are thriving and how well-adjusted they are. My staying home was a huge win for our family and I took away a lot of things from my DH's plate. He encouraged me to also outsource what I could outsource.

Sounds completely made-up. And I stay home too, with a high achieving kid. She'd have done well in school no matter what, can't take any credit.

[Anonymous]

$300k is not a lot if you have 3 kids. I would look for work but you have the luxury of waiting for something that is satisfying.

[Anonymous]

I would not work full time at all if I were you. Take a long break. You deserve it.
I got all sorts of great ideas while at home.
My mental and physical health also improved.
Working is more expensive than people realize.
Ofcourse it's all very personal, but I never went back to work as my investments kept growing faster than I could earn. I have no tax expense since I file as HH and control my income.
Three ex employers are also calling monthly to get me to come back to work. I am more valuable now that I don't need money. Imagine not having to look for a job.
Kids are also set as I have time for their Roths and investment accounts.
Find what works for your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems to me that you're in a great position... you can keep applying, volunteering in the meantime... and take a part-time or full-time job that suits you if one comes around. You don't have to make a decision right now that's for the rest of your life. You do want to keep doors open in case a crisis happens.

This.

The time before a layoff can be very stressful as the business starts to fail, rumors abound, and stress rises. My suggestion is to give yourself time to heal. Meet new people in your field. Consider this a fun experiment to see what you want to do next. Take time to do some things you don't normally get to do. Maybe go on a kid's field trip or take them somewhere special after school. Whatever lights you up.

Once you are not burned out, you'll be able to explore what--if anything--you want to do next.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:$300k is not a lot if you have 3 kids. I would look for work but you have the luxury of waiting for something that is satisfying.

Agreed.

[Anonymous]

I am in a very similar, though financially better position. I also just got laid off and I am 46, DH is 50. We have $5M earmarked for retirement across various accounts, and 350K mortgage remaining on the home (maybe 450K equity). Kids are junior and freshman in HS, with a total of $500K+ combined together in 529. DH earns $600K+ depending on stock price for his company.

However the big difference is that, DH hates his job and is in tech (very unstable). I want us to retire together, so I am actively looking for new opportunities, fully aware that it may take more than 6 months to find one, even though I am willing to take a step down. He is fully supportive of my decision to stay home if I want to, but honestly, I would rather work and have us retire at the same time in 5-6 years. For anything extra that we don't use, we are always happy to spend on luxury stuff or pass the money on to kids to get them a leg up. It also comes to priorities and mindset, I have more of a scarcity mindset, so I will have financial anxiety if I retire so early. Being in tech with such a bad job market also doesn't help. I am actively looking for a job, but still enjoying some of my free time for exercise and hobbies. Like they say finding a full time job is almost a job in itself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m similar in age. Just going to be honest—if you stop working now it’s going to be hard if not impossible to get hired in your fifties.

I think you can take 6 mos/a year, but if you’re not ready to retire for good, you should aim to get well back into it before 50. In your shoes I would not feel financially comfortable retiring yet. You have good assets but not enough for a comfortable 45/50-year retirement, if something happens to dh’s job or his health.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Become a teacher.

Worse advice ever! Lol

Guess you haven't heard about the droves of teachers who are leaving the profession because it’s so awful?

The pay sucks, but the hours are good. Lots of days off, and low accountability.

Works for me.

[Anonymous]

Part-time for you OP. I work 4 hours a day only during the school year, and it is perfect . My husband makes around $350k, so not a huge amount for this area, but we do fine on that with three kids. The extra money I make (which is only about $40k) we put half into savings and half for summer vacation. I’m glad I have a job and I’m not just a mom, but also grateful I’m home to be with my kids after school and do household stuff. I’ve been doing this for 4 years, and so far so good.