How to scale back friendship with friend’s spouse without scaling back relationship with friend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You have a husband problem OP.

I can't believe this man made jokes about your hair and shared it with others and your husband didn't say anything to him... Yikes.

I'd ghost both of them.

This wife is trash too as she didn't think that was rude of her man?
She didn't speak up?
Ask him to stop?
Have a side Convo with you on that?

ICK!

OP here. I felt all of the things you shared. The only excuse I can think of for my friend is her DH is always like this and she likely just thinks it’s a joke. She probably did say something to him 1:1 (I’ve seen her do this often) but since we all do have a playful relationship, my guess is she didn’t think I was upset. Either that or she’s a butt hole too. Lol. She has lost friends because of her DH’s behavior. This is nothing new.

My DH can lack emotional consideration often, but his rationale is that I allowed the dynamic, so I should scale it back if I don’t like how far the guy goes. He’s also a big proponent of not caring what other people say or think, so as such, he thinks I’m overreacting.

OP please stop making excuses for these people -- including the man you're married to.
Put your foot down. That's not acceptable behavior. Hard Stop.

Control what you can. Which is your interactions with them (that couple) I would not continue a friendship with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You have a husband problem OP.

I can't believe this man made jokes about your hair and shared it with others and your husband didn't say anything to him... Yikes.

I'd ghost both of them.

This wife is trash too as she didn't think that was rude of her man?
She didn't speak up?
Ask him to stop?
Have a side Convo with you on that?

ICK!

OP here. I felt all of the things you shared. The only excuse I can think of for my friend is her DH is always like this and she likely just thinks it’s a joke. She probably did say something to him 1:1 (I’ve seen her do this often) but since we all do have a playful relationship, my guess is she didn’t think I was upset. Either that or she’s a butt hole too. Lol. She has lost friends because of her DH’s behavior. This is nothing new.

My DH can lack emotional consideration often, but his rationale is that I allowed the dynamic, so I should scale it back if I don’t like how far the guy goes. He’s also a big proponent of not caring what other people say or think, so as such, he thinks I’m overreacting.

OP please stop making excuses for these people -- including the man you're married to.
Put your foot down. That's not acceptable behavior. Hard Stop.

Control what you can. Which is your interactions with them (that couple) I would not continue a friendship with them.

OP here. Thank you for this. I receive it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You have a husband problem OP.

I can't believe this man made jokes about your hair and shared it with others and your husband didn't say anything to him... Yikes.

I'd ghost both of them.

This wife is trash too as she didn't think that was rude of her man?
She didn't speak up?
Ask him to stop?
Have a side Convo with you on that?

ICK!

OP here. I felt all of the things you shared. The only excuse I can think of for my friend is her DH is always like this and she likely just thinks it’s a joke. She probably did say something to him 1:1 (I’ve seen her do this often) but since we all do have a playful relationship, my guess is she didn’t think I was upset. Either that or she’s a butt hole too. Lol. She has lost friends because of her DH’s behavior. This is nothing new.

My DH can lack emotional consideration often, but his rationale is that I allowed the dynamic, so I should scale it back if I don’t like how far the guy goes. He’s also a big proponent of not caring what other people say or think, so as such, he thinks I’m overreacting.

OP please stop making excuses for these people -- including the man you're married to.
Put your foot down. That's not acceptable behavior. Hard Stop.

Control what you can. Which is your interactions with them (that couple) I would not continue a friendship with them.

OP here. Thank you for this. I receive it.

No problem - You got this 🙌🏾❤️

[Anonymous]

I am the poster who asked for an example. This guy is an A hole! I am not sure I would give him another chance, but if you do, he needs someone to be direct with him. Once he makes a nasty comment, stand up and tell him you are done with his nasty comments and leave the house! If he does this in your house, tell him to leave. I am speechless that the spouses do not speak up—inexcusable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the poster who asked for an example. This guy is an A hole! I am not sure I would give him another chance, but if you do, he needs someone to be direct with him. Once he makes a nasty comment, stand up and tell him you are done with his nasty comments and leave the house! If he does this in your house, tell him to leave. I am speechless that the spouses do not speak up—inexcusable.

OP here. Thank you. It is nice to know that I wasn’t making this up. The comment just took things too far.

I can definitely be more direct about things. I tend to just laugh things off but I will speak up more often and start to change how I interact with them.

[Anonymous]

This is hard to do. If she’s lost friends over this before she is probably powerless here. You can try saying super calmly “too far Brad, what’s going on with you” or just pointedly not laughing when he “jokingly” gives you a hard time. Bit may have to transition away from being a group of 4 vibe. Sadly she probably expects it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Masking to reveal identity, he said my hairstyle choice was awful and kept sending pictures of it to the group while laughing/making jokes.

Wow. I'd be done with him, too.

+1 This is so beyond the pale. My DH would be aghast and he's a jokester.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you give us an example of what he is saying,? I ask this because your DH doesn't agree with you.

Wow - you’re missing the point entirely. If it’s making his DW feel this way, he needs to support that, period. What is wrong with you people

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is hard to do. If she’s lost friends over this before she is probably powerless here. You can try saying super calmly “too far Brad, what’s going on with you” or just pointedly not laughing when he “jokingly” gives you a hard time. Bit may have to transition away from being a group of 4 vibe. Sadly she probably expects it.

OP here. These are great suggestions. Thank you! Yeah, it is unfortunate to see but I think I’m finally realizing the pattern here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Masking to reveal identity, he said my hairstyle choice was awful and kept sending pictures of it to the group while laughing/making jokes.

Wow. I'd be done with him, too.

+1 This is so beyond the pale. My DH would be aghast and he's a jokester.

OP here. I thought so too. I couldn’t believe it! But also, I’ve heard him say some really crappy things about other people so I guess I should’ve expected it.

[Anonymous]

Mute yourself from the group chat. Or remove yourself.

Also, grayrock when he talks. Just be disinterested and not respond.

And if he continues to harass...in a low, cold and bored voice just tell him "STFU, you tiny weiner man!". He says something stupid again, look at your nails and say "STFU, you tiny weiner man". If he protests. Roll your eyes and say "Learn to take a joke...you tiny weiner man. ha. ha. ha"

[Anonymous]

This sounds really immature behavior from your friend’s husband and your DH. This friend couple sounds like not mature enough for you anymore. And it’s ok to outgrow a dynamic that doesn’t work and move on.

But your DH is not showing maturity here either— I’d tackle that with him quickly, and like other posters say don’t put up with that.

[Anonymous]

What do gain with being friends with this couple? They sound awful! You deserve better.

[Anonymous]

Just girl’s dinners or lunches.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mute yourself from the group chat. Or remove yourself.

Also, grayrock when he talks. Just be disinterested and not respond.

And if he continues to harass...in a low, cold and bored voice just tell him "STFU, you tiny weiner man!". He says something stupid again, look at your nails and say "STFU, you tiny weiner man". If he protests. Roll your eyes and say "Learn to take a joke...you tiny weiner man. ha. ha. ha"

😂😂😂