Is a holiday wishlist rude?

[Anonymous]

Depends on the family. In mine it drives my family nuts not to get a list.

[Anonymous]

Why is it rude if they ask you for it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is it rude if they ask you for it?

Well they ask my husband “what does [wife] want for Christmas/birthday” which are around the same time for me. So I’m wondering if it’s rude to just send a list instead of my husband just saying “she wants x for Christmas and z for her birthday,” which is what we normally do.

[Anonymous]

Usually adults have the ability to purchase for themselves what they want or need so I would personally be uncomfortable w/this.

However if your relatives INSIST on giving you a Christmas present 🎁 then you can just list things that are simple ➕ relatively inexpensive.
I.e., magazine subscriptions, new release books, etc.

[Anonymous]

I think it is very rude. It is fine for your husband to pass along a few suggestions in different price points for what you would like if a family member asks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it rude if they ask you for it?

Well they ask my husband “what does [wife] want for Christmas/birthday” which are around the same time for me. So I’m wondering if it’s rude to just send a list instead of my husband just saying “she wants x for Christmas and z for her birthday,” which is what we normally do.

Just train your husband to say - oh she keeps a list of things she's got her eye on. Do you want that? And they'll say yes.

[Anonymous]

Funny my mom just asked for this a few days ago. I sent her 3-4 ideas for our teens from their wishlists. If I don’t give her ideas for me and DH we still get gifts but they are quite random so I usually suggest a few things. DH took up a new hobby this year so I suggested two things that he could use that are practical. I asked for a new pair of pajamas. In both cases I emphasized that neither of us really needs anything, but I also know that there will be gifts regardless.

Bottom line, in families like ours it isn’t rude if they ask for them because they do intend to buy things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just commiserating OP since I dislike the adult gift giving culture around Christmas too. Let’s say I could use a nice soft warm winter hat from Vuori in a different color than I already have. Instead of just purchasing this hat in mid November, when I want it, I think “oh , Carol already asked me twice what I wanted for Christmas, I’ll give her this idea”. So I tell her. Then she asks me questions about where she can buy this in person or if it has to be online. Then she asks me again what color I wanted. Then she asks me for a back up color in case the department store is out of my preferred color. Then, finally, on Christmas, I get my hat that I’ve been wishing I had for the last 5 weeks, and it’s the wrong color, because Carol didn’t want to pay for shipping and the store only had orange left. So now I have to return it in person with the gift receipt, which takes 2 hours out of my Saturday, and then go online and buy myself the hat I could have just bought myself 5 weeks ago except I needed to be polite and give Carol a gift idea. Bonus points if the color I had wanted is now sold out after the holidays.

This exactly. My parents never need a list because they give with the recipient in mind- not what they think we should have. For DC we offer items and they pick one and get it early or they give $ for us to get it. Meanwhile MIL will get exactly the opposite- either pulls the same shenanigans as “Carol” above or worse gets a size xxs petite wool coat for a person who is 5 ft 8 and is allergic to wool. Bonus points that the gift is bought on Dec. 23 as an afterthought in a panic- or by buying a j Jill gift card (no shade) when the person asked for a loft gift card and the stores are literally right next to each other. It’s almost diabolically on purpose to make the gift recipient feel unimportant and unwanted. Of course asking for a gift receipt is like stabbing MIL in the heart and is sure to bring tears. Was the gift for me to be happy or you to look good? We are supposed to fall over thankful - it is to the point where I would rather have nothing and just celebrate the day and be together- all though other issues at play make even that difficult.

The worst was when DC were little and SIL and I would give a specific want easily obtained at any large store and send the link only to find out MIL went and bought some obscure toy that is dangerous for kids and not the wanted item. Now DC is out of that item. I learned quickly not the give important wants as an option to MIL.

I think a list is fine if asked for the giver.

[Anonymous]

I’d go somewhere in the middle. It’s one thing to say : “ perhaps a mug, a pair of gloves, or a scarf “

It’s another thing to send a document with links to the specific mug, gloves and scarf. The latter also assumes you don’t trust in your in laws taste to pick the exact product and also ties them up to a budget.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it rude if they ask you for it?

Well they ask my husband “what does [wife] want for Christmas/birthday” which are around the same time for me. So I’m wondering if it’s rude to just send a list instead of my husband just saying “she wants x for Christmas and z for her birthday,” which is what we normally do.

Make a wishnlist with a range of prices from stocking stuffer to life changing, give it to your husband it, and let him use it to help people who ask him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just commiserating OP since I dislike the adult gift giving culture around Christmas too. Let’s say I could use a nice soft warm winter hat from Vuori in a different color than I already have. Instead of just purchasing this hat in mid November, when I want it, I think “oh , Carol already asked me twice what I wanted for Christmas, I’ll give her this idea”. So I tell her. Then she asks me questions about where she can buy this in person or if it has to be online. Then she asks me again what color I wanted. Then she asks me for a back up color in case the department store is out of my preferred color. Then, finally, on Christmas, I get my hat that I’ve been wishing I had for the last 5 weeks, and it’s the wrong color, because Carol didn’t want to pay for shipping and the store only had orange left. So now I have to return it in person with the gift receipt, which takes 2 hours out of my Saturday, and then go online and buy myself the hat I could have just bought myself 5 weeks ago except I needed to be polite and give Carol a gift idea. Bonus points if the color I had wanted is now sold out after the holidays.

This exactly. My parents never need a list because they give with the recipient in mind- not what they think we should have. For DC we offer items and they pick one and get it early or they give $ for us to get it. Meanwhile MIL will get exactly the opposite- either pulls the same shenanigans as “Carol” above or worse gets a size xxs petite wool coat for a person who is 5 ft 8 and is allergic to wool. Bonus points that the gift is bought on Dec. 23 as an afterthought in a panic- or by buying a j Jill gift card (no shade) when the person asked for a loft gift card and the stores are literally right next to each other. It’s almost diabolically on purpose to make the gift recipient feel unimportant and unwanted. Of course asking for a gift receipt is like stabbing MIL in the heart and is sure to bring tears. Was the gift for me to be happy or you to look good? We are supposed to fall over thankful - it is to the point where I would rather have nothing and just celebrate the day and be together- all though other issues at play make even that difficult.

The worst was when DC were little and SIL and I would give a specific want easily obtained at any large store and send the link only to find out MIL went and bought some obscure toy that is dangerous for kids and not the wanted item. Now DC is out of that item. I learned quickly not the give important wants as an option to MIL.

I think a list is fine if asked for the giver.

Your MIL sounds just like my mother and she’s been doing it since I was a kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not rude if they are asking.

+1. Most of my extended family does lists. No one is offended— they’re appreciated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would appreciate it as I don't know what you have/want/need and would rather get you what you will use. I would not send it out except if they ask for it.

This! If they are asking what people want it’s not rude. If you just send a list without them asking, it’s rude

[Anonymous]

They are asking because they want to ger you something you want/need, and not waste their time or money on something you don't want and will regift or dump in a landfill.

[Anonymous]

Know your audience. I love them so much and find it convenient. Bonus if you include the link. You have a kid and if there is something specific you want I will be happy to get you that instead of guessing.

I tell my teen daughter not to send them to the grandparents because they will buy everything on it and that is rude of her to do. So if you think you have eager grandparents who will buy up it all and overspend maybe send a couple of items and say surprise you