Gentle parenting a teen?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is actually a really good question. Obviously there is no one parenting bible that works for all kids. But I actually find now that my kid is a teen that certain “gentle” concepts are actually more important- because it is a more emotionally tumultuous time and they are less attached to parents. So those times that they do want mom - or when we have a conflict - it is much more important to be warm and gentle to maintain the connection and a positive household. To the extent that “gentle” means validating a child’s emotions, I think that is also even more important for a teen if you want them to listen to you and tell you what is going on.

+1

My kids are younger (4 and 5) and I actually think gentle parenting is pretty terrible for kids these ages at least as far as discipline. They need some simple boundaries and consequences to learn proper behavior. So we do 1-2-3 Magic, ie timeouts, and my kids are about a thousand times better behaved than all their "gentle parented" friends who are just having endless "conversations" with mom and dad while they misbehave. Yes, we talk about and validate emotions, but unacceptable behavior gets a consequence, and I'm not particularly concerned if it's not "natural" or "logical" or how my kid feels about it.

However, looking ahead to the teen years - your relationship and natural consequences are basically all you have. You can talk to them and guide them and listen to them, and they're going to make some bad choices, and that's life, but working on connection and empathy with them seems loads more impactful at those ages.

Yes, I could see this working well. But right now, it seems like the kids who are gentle parented when young will be when they’re teens. And I do think they need the boundaries early on so then they can be mature enough to rationalize and think through decisions when older.

[Anonymous]

I’m an authoritative parent to my oldest, who is now 20, and a gentle parent to my youngest, who is 15. There’s overlap, of course. Each child is parented according to what they need. Neither needed punishment, but my oldest has autism and ADHD and drove us crazy with his particular set of inattention and social deficits for 18 years, despite having the sweetest nature and best intentions. Youngest has none of these challenges. Both are generally compliant and full of goodwill.

Neither my husband nor I were rebellious teens and our kids aren’t either, so gentle parenting can absolutely work!