My capacity for my husband’s crass jokes is gone

[Anonymous]

This reminds me of the saying that married women make the mistake of thinking their husbands will change, and married men make the mistake of thinking their wives will stay the same.

[Anonymous]

You two need a couple’s weekend away. Seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He needs to observe you better so he can tell when his advances will be welcomed or spurned. So it's not his er, sex-positive enthusiasm that's the problem, it's his inability to read the room and put someone else first. Since you are sometimes in the mood, and don't just say no all the time, he has to reframe his expectations instead of feeling unwanted.

I would tell him all this.

Yeah, walking on eggshells because your wife is a hormonal mess is usually really good for the marriage.

There's a big difference between being attentive to someone, and walking on eggshells. Sounds like OP's husband has never learned to attend to his wife's cues.

Sounds like you’re making stuff up.

[Anonymous]

Sounds to me like he's making bids for sexual attention. I doubt the real problem is that he's being crass. Back when you were inclined to provide that sexual attention, those bids didn't bother you.

I suspect that, even if he made these bids in a non-crass way, you'd still be annoyed by them. The core of the problem is not so much that he's making jokes but that he still wants to have sex with his wife.

You're having sex every week or two, but do you even want that? It's not reasonable for him to expect that libido won't decline at all. But if you could do without it entirely and are just putting up with once or twice a month, the quality of the sex is going to plummet.

None of this is really unusual. But I think both of you are going to be unhappy if sex is the root of the problem and you're wasting your time talking about jokes and crassness rather than the real problem.

[Anonymous]

It's a series of criees for help. We wants to have an intimate relation with his spouse.

Tell him the marriage is open because you are closed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He needs to observe you better so he can tell when his advances will be welcomed or spurned. So it's not his er, sex-positive enthusiasm that's the problem, it's his inability to read the room and put someone else first. Since you are sometimes in the mood, and don't just say no all the time, he has to reframe his expectations instead of feeling unwanted.

I would tell him all this.

Had OP given any indication that advances would ever be welcomed?

[Anonymous]

Divorce pending for you OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He hasn't changed. You are married to the same man you picked 20 years ago. So the problem is you.

I would hate living with someone who sucks all the air out of the room the way you do.

Singed,

Another menopausal woman who somehow managed to keep her sense of humor despite having all of the same life changes as you.

What a rude thoughtless comment. We are not all the same.

[Anonymous]

Time for a new plate.

[Anonymous]

Ugh. He sounds like a jerk. An immature jerk. Have a serious/sincere (if he's capable) conversation about your needs and his needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He hasn't changed. You are married to the same man you picked 20 years ago. So the problem is you.

I would hate living with someone who sucks all the air out of the room the way you do.

Singed,

Another menopausal woman who somehow managed to keep her sense of humor despite having all of the same life changes as you.

What a rude thoughtless comment. We are not all the same.

No, some of us don't make everyone around us suffer because..... hormones. Get a grip!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. He sounds like a jerk. An immature jerk. Have a serious/sincere (if he's capable) conversation about your needs and his needs.

She married him and was fine with his jokes until menopause. So I guess they are both immature jerks?

[Anonymous]

I love all the posters saying that she isn't "fun" because she doesn't like to be grabbed in ways that make her uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love all the posters saying that she isn't "fun" because she doesn't like to be grabbed in ways that make her uncomfortable.

No one is saying that. Save your dumb spin for another platform. We are saying that she admittedly didn't mind this behavior until she hit menopause so this is squarely a "her problem." He didn't change, SHE DID.

[Anonymous]

Ooof, OP. I am a DW in your DH's shoes. He's trying to connect with you sexually and you're shutting him down. If you're not a troll, please reconsider what your repeated rejection feels like for him. So he joked about a BJ? So what? If he can't joke with his wife, what's the point of being together? You're not his boss or business partner, you're his *wife.*