How to appropriately decline this invite?

[Anonymous]

I think it's weird you wouldn't go and not weird at all that she invited you. Your dh is good friends with her dh and you've gotten together for couple things at least once and you were at her housewarming. I think someone on dcum would write a post hurt if they hadn't gotten an invite for this!

So you have no interest in being friends with her having a couple friendship? My husband has a good work friend whose wife doesn't come over when we have people over - just he comes with an excuse for her. We get the message. It's fine. She'll get the message when she has dinners or gatherings and only your husband goes. No need to send her this message on her baby shower.

[Anonymous]

Either just decline or go for an hour or so. It’s not hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Crazy to me that you, as an adult, would need help politely declining an invitation.

Seriously. This is like the least problematic problem I have seen on here. You don’t know her well, you can decline online, other people have already declined. It’s so easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Either just decline or go for an hour or so. It’s not hard.

I always feels posts like this are from some mean girl. As if she's subtly making fun of the person who invited her or wants people to call her weird or pathetic for inviting someone she doesn't know well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My rule of thumb is that if it is more trouble to come up with an excuse than just to go, just go + try to enjoy yourself.

Right? Go for an hour, eat some cake, be friendly. If it's not a long drive and you like her as a person, why not go?

[Anonymous]

It's stuff like this that leads to the legion of posts on here: "I'm lived across the US and the DC is the least friendly place I've ever been."

Clearly this woman is being warm and wants to be friends. But OP is like, "oh no! God forbid I make a new friend!."
And then is weird enough that she has to crowd source a "I'm sorry, can't make it" one-liner.

There is no hope for the women of the DMV because of the concentration of this.
And I should add that of course the men in this situation are normal as they often are. They're just out golfing and hanging out.

[Anonymous]

OP, just say you have a conflict and send a nice gift. Why are you overthinking this?

[Anonymous]

I don't understand this either. She either thinks you're friends(ish) or is trying to become friends. If you're not interested in being friends then just politely decline in the numerous ways already stated.

But please don't post here about how hard it is to make friends in this area!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's weird you wouldn't go and not weird at all that she invited you. Your dh is good friends with her dh and you've gotten together for couple things at least once and you were at her housewarming. I think someone on dcum would write a post hurt if they hadn't gotten an invite for this!

So you have no interest in being friends with her having a couple friendship? My husband has a good work friend whose wife doesn't come over when we have people over - just he comes with an excuse for her. We get the message. It's fine. She'll get the message when she has dinners or gatherings and only your husband goes. No need to send her this message on her baby shower.

I hate the expectation that just because my husband is friends with someone, that I have to be friends with their wife. My husband is very extroverted and has a lot of friends he gets together with. Im more introverted and have no interest in becoming friends with their spouses.

[Anonymous]

She was being polite/trying to help her husband by including colleagues. Just RSVP no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand this either. She either thinks you're friends(ish) or is trying to become friends. If you're not interested in being friends then just politely decline in the numerous ways already stated.

But please don't post here about how hard it is to make friends in this area!

I think it could mean lots of things:
-This lady legitimately wants to be friends with OP and will be disappointed if OP declines.
-Her DH suggested inviting OP, and the wife thought it was a nice idea but doesn't care that much.
-This lady doesn't like OP and only invited her because of DH, and is hoping OP declines.
-Gift grab.
-Struggling to fill spots and OP seemed like a solid choice.

If OP barely knows her to the point she wondered who the invitation is for, I think it's fine to decline... seems like OP is ok to hang out with them in a couples' context but not interested in one on one friendship.

[Anonymous]

I really cannot understand why some people want to shame others into going to things they don't want to attend. It's not "just an hour" as life is short and should be spent in ways we personally find meaningful. We moved to a new city in Europe two months. Offers to socialize pour in and I decline them because I am happier at home with my children. A perfectly legitimate life choice.

[Anonymous]

Sorry to miss the fun!

[Anonymous]

If I had been to a party at someone's house, and out to dinner as a couple, I would not have been surprised to get a shower invite. I think its weird you were surprised.

Why not just go and try to enjoy yourself?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really cannot understand why some people want to shame others into going to things they don't want to attend. It's not "just an hour" as life is short and should be spent in ways we personally find meaningful. We moved to a new city in Europe two months. Offers to socialize pour in and I decline them because I am happier at home with my children. A perfectly legitimate life choice.

The you simply decline which OP cannot do herself.