Venmo/Zelle requests on wedding invitation

[Anonymous]

Every single wedding I have been invited to in the last two years (at least five) has included a written invitation (or save the date) with information on the wedding website, and every single wedding website has included a link for a "honeymoon fund" or something similar that essentially redirects to a Venmo link. The most popular wedding websites, like Zola, are preset to default to a Venmo or credit card link. My friends and I - several of whom have recently or are hosting weddings in the next 18 months - talked about this and they ALL preferred to have the link. They said they like to give registry gifts for the shower/engagement and cash for the wedding. They actually changed my mind. FWIW, these women are all in their 50s and 60s.

I should have added that I do not think the fund link is a request for Venmo - it is always one item on the registry and there are plenty of other gifts for people to choose from if they prefer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:5 years ago I would have really gotten upset and muttered endlessly about it being tacky. I think now I'm just beaten down and tired. If the young people would rather have money via Zelle than serving spoons, who am I to judge? I'm going through a nasty divorce and my heart breaks looking at some of the things that people lovingly chose for us. It's all just meaningless in the end, so you might as well give them cash so they can choose their own meaningless stuff.

That's what Asian people give at wedding, CASH !!! Average is $400 per couple.

Ironically you're replying to me and I married into an Asian family and oddly so many of our guests on that side of the family didn't give us anything. Maybe because I'm white so they couldn't decide on what tradition to follow? I've never figured it out. But at least I don't have to feel mad at his side of the family because there aren't any gifts to look at or give away from them and we've spent or saved what they did give us.

[Anonymous]

Tacky, tacky, tacky. I would honestly probably send my regrets. So tacky.

[Anonymous]

Tacky don’t go

[Anonymous]

Tacky. I’d ignore the link.

[Anonymous]

horribly vulgar

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:5 years ago I would have really gotten upset and muttered endlessly about it being tacky. I think now I'm just beaten down and tired. If the young people would rather have money via Zelle than serving spoons, who am I to judge? I'm going through a nasty divorce and my heart breaks looking at some of the things that people lovingly chose for us. It's all just meaningless in the end, so you might as well give them cash so they can choose their own meaningless stuff.

That's what Asian people give at wedding, CASH !!! Average is $400 per couple.

Ironically you're replying to me and I married into an Asian family and oddly so many of our guests on that side of the family didn't give us anything. Maybe because I'm white so they couldn't decide on what tradition to follow? I've never figured it out. But at least I don't have to feel mad at his side of the family because there aren't any gifts to look at or give away from them and we've spent or saved what they did give us.

Nah, because you're white they weren't worried about maintaining face to non-Asian in-laws.
I'm so sorry, it's still very poor form that the Asian side did not gift anything. Maybe they are used to being invisible immigrants to white folks, I dunno.

[Anonymous]

Gift grubbing is bad enough but to come straight out with a cash request is just vulgar.
You KNOW these people? ugh.

[Anonymous]

I can see how in theory this could be considered tacky, but practically speaking it is an easier ➕ innovative way to gift ca$h vs. simply sliding it inside a greeting card.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:5 years ago I would have really gotten upset and muttered endlessly about it being tacky. I think now I'm just beaten down and tired. If the young people would rather have money via Zelle than serving spoons, who am I to judge? I'm going through a nasty divorce and my heart breaks looking at some of the things that people lovingly chose for us. It's all just meaningless in the end, so you might as well give them cash so they can choose their own meaningless stuff.

That's what Asian people give at wedding, CASH !!! Average is $400 per couple.

Ironically you're replying to me and I married into an Asian family and oddly so many of our guests on that side of the family didn't give us anything. Maybe because I'm white so they couldn't decide on what tradition to follow? I've never figured it out. But at least I don't have to feel mad at his side of the family because there aren't any gifts to look at or give away from them and we've spent or saved what they did give us.

Nah, because you're white they weren't worried about maintaining face to non-Asian in-laws.
I'm so sorry, it's still very poor form that the Asian side did not gift anything. Maybe they are used to being invisible immigrants to white folks, I dunno.

Off-topic but you just explained so much to me about how I'm being treated during the divorce. I knew this in the back of my head but hadn't connected the dots about how they might not care about saving face with my side of the family. Now that I'm almost "not family" I understand so much. Thank you!

Random, but if they are using a Venmo link, is there the danger that they would need to report anything for taxes? I vaguely remember being really anxious about this within our Girl Scout troop if purchases or donations exceeded $600 and people didn't designate their payment correctly. It seems wiser to give actual cash vs. Venmo if you can do so in-person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every single wedding I have been invited to in the last two years (at least five) has included a written invitation (or save the date) with information on the wedding website, and every single wedding website has included a link for a "honeymoon fund" or something similar that essentially redirects to a Venmo link. The most popular wedding websites, like Zola, are preset to default to a Venmo or credit card link. My friends and I - several of whom have recently or are hosting weddings in the next 18 months - talked about this and they ALL preferred to have the link. They said they like to give registry gifts for the shower/engagement and cash for the wedding. They actually changed my mind. FWIW, these women are all in their 50s and 60s.

The link is on the website, not the invite.

[Anonymous]

Tacky.

[Anonymous]

I agree that a Venmo request seems tacky, but here’s the problem… I don’t want to give cash because it can be susceptible to theft and lots of people don’t have a check writing ability any longer. What’s the alternative? A money order?

[Anonymous]

Seems like a fine way to indicate to Aunt Sally that you don't want a crystal bowl for your wedding.

[Anonymous]

When I got married almost 20 years ago, there were some websites with honeymoon funds. You could request a romantic dinner for $200, couples massage, excursion, champagne, etc. it felt like a money grab so we didn’t do it.