If your child was self centered / selfish did they grow out of it as adults?

[Anonymous]

Part of me wants to say "no, all kids are self-centered, it's normal, most grow out of it."

But my sister was exactly like OP's daughter, a "bean counter" who is very fixated on what everyone else has and focused on accruing more resources for herself, and she is definitely still like this as an adult.

But I think parenting can make a difference. One of my kids was like this sometimes as a kid but we always redirected it words a more pro-social behavior ("instead of competing with your sister over everything, join forces and see if you an make both your situations better by working together") and while she still has a tendency to compare, she is not selfish. I think my parents often played into the comparison/competing behavior when we were kids and it just reinforced to my sister that this was a good approach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My cousin was always and notoriously very selfish and self centered. Then she lost a leg in an accident in her late 30s and it changed her completely. So there’s hope OP!

Yes, OP. She could become a peg leg and turn nice!

I feel like this would be a great Hallmark movie.

I think I saw that one. It was Christmas. A woman was working hard to meet a job deadline and she was selfish and stole a co-worker’s work. She went to her hometown, slipped on the ice and broke her leg. Her co-workers brother was the doctor and the coworker asked MD to amputate her leg, which he did, then they fell in love and everyone enjoyed a warm, beautiful holiday.

[Anonymous]

One of our kids was crazy competitive in elementary. Massive tantrums if he didn’t win any and every game. I’d say he’s the opposite now at 16yo, very laid back. I see others saying parenting and modeling behavior but honestly I think he just matured and grew out of it.

[Anonymous]

God, I wonder this nearly daily myself! I have a 4.5 year old who cannot stop herself from constantly worrying about who has more, if she’s getting enough, used to fight over toys with her friends all the time when younger and have meltdowns over taking turns, will still cry if she doesn’t get the same treat someone else has. I really think it’s got to be partly natural personality because her younger sibling since birth has been the biggest sharer, has never squabbled over sharing a toy, as soon as a treat is given, his first instinct is to make sure his sister has one too, and on and on.

I try to correct frequently and encourage her to try to think about how others feel, that everyone doesn’t always get the same thing at the same time, all that jazz, so I see you! I think I say at least 5x per week that worrying about what others have is going to ensure that she’s never happy, and focusing on gratitude will make her content in the long run. Hopefully in a few years we will feel like they both are maturing out of it.

[Anonymous]

No, it was aspergers. Among other symptoms

[Anonymous]

Maybe you have too much stuff? Try to spend the next ten years as a family with very simple meals, 8hrs of exercise and chores a day, and no new toys except for birthday and holidays. And obviously no screens ever (but everyone knows that already).

[Anonymous]

No, just got worse, sadly.

[Anonymous]

3rd grade!!?!

Calm down and drill in some manners. You have time. But all parents, caretakers and grandparents need to be on board and doing the same disciplining and examples.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My cousin was always and notoriously very selfish and self centered. Then she lost a leg in an accident in her late 30s and it changed her completely. So there’s hope OP!

Yes, OP. She could become a peg leg and turn nice!

I feel like this would be a great Hallmark movie.

Larla, The Kind Christmas Pirate

[Anonymous]

Any adult narcissists in the house? Good luck!

[Anonymous]

OP, you need to explicitly teach her to shift her mindset from “Did I get the most?” To “Did I get enough? Some kids learn this by osmosis, but you’re going to need to be more proactive. I’m working on it with my own third grader, who is also a bean-counter.

[Anonymous]

Mine is 22. Time will tell but it’s not looking good.

[Anonymous]

My cousin was selfish since she was a toddler and still is. It didn't help that she grew up to be stunning and men were more than happy to give her anything she wanted. A reality check would be the only thing that could change this.

[Anonymous]

Is your DD the family scapegoat? The one who gets blamed? For everything? For existing? The identified patient?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is your DD the family scapegoat? The one who gets blamed? For everything? For existing? The identified patient?

Oh no it's the golden child who acts like this.