If you moved out in the divorce, tell me how you set up your new home

[Anonymous]

This is also the poster who missed his parenting classes and blamed his attorney for not "reminding him of the deadline":

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1298389.page

[Anonymous]

I purchased the house and then we told the kids. It was furnished before we moved in.

[Anonymous]

You sound so much like my STBX, but details are too different. Mine is just as incompetent as you, I I left him the home mostly furnished including the beds so the kids would have a familiar place to stay. I knew he wouldn't be able to set up a home. Left him towels, plates, etc. I moved into our smaller townhome. Set that up in two weeks. Pictures are hung. Ready for the holidays.

What does he want to do? Have both sold because he thinks we should downsize to less expensive housing. Zero thought for the kids. Sometimes there's no helping people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound so much like my STBX, but details are too different. Mine is just as incompetent as you, I I left him the home mostly furnished including the beds so the kids would have a familiar place to stay. I knew he wouldn't be able to set up a home. Left him towels, plates, etc. I moved into our smaller townhome. Set that up in two weeks. Pictures are hung. Ready for the holidays.

What does he want to do? Have both sold because he thinks we should downsize to less expensive housing. Zero thought for the kids. Sometimes there's no helping people.

My STBX is in the same category. Filed out of nowhere and moved to a smaller but wildly expensive place that's fully furnished. Is in a panic about how much it costs and is pressuring me to rush things so he can get out from under the financial mess he's created, but he doesn't realize that he'll have to help empty and sell our house if that happens, plus furnish and set up a whole new place for himself. Meanwhile the kids have a joking-but-not-joking secret bet going on whether he'll do anything to acknowledge the holidays at his house.

I think these guys don't think two minutes ahead of the present moment. There has to be a way to monetize this, but you'd have to have infinite patience to work with a customer base that would be beyond aggravating.

[Anonymous]

There would not be enough money to take on this nightmare group as a customer base. Can you imagine? “I just want sheets! And towels! No I don’t know what size mattresses I have or if I have them. Just make it happen!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There would not be enough money to take on this nightmare group as a customer base. Can you imagine? “I just want sheets! And towels! No I don’t know what size mattresses I have or if I have them. Just make it happen!”

Nailed it. My STBX thinks King, Queen and Full size mattresses are the exact same size but different price levels. I would actually pay to watch someone walk him through this process via a one-way mirror. They would say “sir, you’ll need at least one spatula and probably a pan to make eggs.” And then he would either go buy a $300 pan or flip out and say “don’t tell me what to do!” and limp along without a frying pan for the next 20 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm mainly interested if you had kids (I have 2 teens; it'll be 50/50 custody). Did you already have the home acquired and furnished before you told the kids? Did you live there unfurnished for a while? How'd you get the kids' rooms set up? Dishes, pots & pans, glasses, coffee maker, utensils, first aid, laundry and cleaning supplies, small appliances, pantry stock, paper products ... so many little things go into making a well-functioning, comfortable household. Anything else I should know or think about logistics or planning?

If it matters, I'm leaning toward buying something right away so there's stability.

Indeed! It is a lot of little things. Did your wife take care of them for you so you could be Mr. Important Job Man?

Look, this isn't really difficult. Make a list and take measurements. Then go to the store. Plan on two trips. The fact that you're casting about for guidance says that it's maybe too hard for you (ADHD maybe?) or that you think you shouldn't have to do it, but you can't figure out who has to do it for you, so you're mentally stuck. The answer is to suck it up and get it done.

Don't be like my dad, who genuinely thought Santa delivered Christmas morning breakfast and after presents were opened there was a long awkward pause and then some cereal. I love my dad but i.lost a lot of respect for him that day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm mainly interested if you had kids (I have 2 teens; it'll be 50/50 custody). Did you already have the home acquired and furnished before you told the kids? Did you live there unfurnished for a while? How'd you get the kids' rooms set up? Dishes, pots & pans, glasses, coffee maker, utensils, first aid, laundry and cleaning supplies, small appliances, pantry stock, paper products ... so many little things go into making a well-functioning, comfortable household. Anything else I should know or think about logistics or planning?

If it matters, I'm leaning toward buying something right away so there's stability.

Indeed! It is a lot of little things. Did your wife take care of them for you so you could be Mr. Important Job Man?

Look, this isn't really difficult. Make a list and take measurements. Then go to the store. Plan on two trips. The fact that you're casting about for guidance says that it's maybe too hard for you (ADHD maybe?) or that you think you shouldn't have to do it, but you can't figure out who has to do it for you, so you're mentally stuck. The answer is to suck it up and get it done.

Don't be like my dad, who genuinely thought Santa delivered Christmas morning breakfast and after presents were opened there was a long awkward pause and then some cereal. I love my dad but i.lost a lot of respect for him that day.

This thread needs more of this PPs tough love. From day 1 moms get a constant onslaught of criticism and so-called advice from friends, family and strangers telling them that everything they’re doing related to parenting is wrong. And these dads are showing up bumbling and clueless and we’re actually babying them through a situation they themselves created? No. Listen to this PP, OP. Get off dcum, stop waiting for other people’s wives to fix your situation now that your wife won’t, and get out there and do some doing.

[Anonymous]

To actually answer the question, my mom moved out and got a furnished rental. Then we moved again into something she furnished with stuff from her marital home plus new stuff. My mom, being a competent person who thinks about things before doing them, was easily able to make a list and buy things. She was willing to spend time and money to do so. She did not file for divorce without a plan of how to live and care for her children. Because that's not what a responsible person does.

If OP isn't smart enough to figure this out, it's going to be a very bumpy ride.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To actually answer the question, my mom moved out and got a furnished rental. Then we moved again into something she furnished with stuff from her marital home plus new stuff. My mom, being a competent person who thinks about things before doing them, was easily able to make a list and buy things. She was willing to spend time and money to do so. She did not file for divorce without a plan of how to live and care for her children. Because that's not what a responsible person does.

If OP isn't smart enough to figure this out, it's going to be a very bumpy ride.

Bumpy ride for the kids, but in my experience there won't be any consequences for the DH. The legal system is very forgiving of a dad that doesn't have his act together, and very critical of a mom who isn't doing everything perfectly and accommodating the hot mess dad. Your mom was probably not only responsible but very aware of this double standard and protecting herself against it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To actually answer the question, my mom moved out and got a furnished rental. Then we moved again into something she furnished with stuff from her marital home plus new stuff. My mom, being a competent person who thinks about things before doing them, was easily able to make a list and buy things. She was willing to spend time and money to do so. She did not file for divorce without a plan of how to live and care for her children. Because that's not what a responsible person does.

If OP isn't smart enough to figure this out, it's going to be a very bumpy ride.

Bumpy ride for the kids, but in my experience there won't be any consequences for the DH. The legal system is very forgiving of a dad that doesn't have his act together, and very critical of a mom who isn't doing everything perfectly and accommodating the hot mess dad. Your mom was probably not only responsible but very aware of this double standard and protecting herself against it.

The consequences are the kids are going to dislike his house, exploit his cluelessness, and lose respect for him. Also he's going to spend way more money than necessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To actually answer the question, my mom moved out and got a furnished rental. Then we moved again into something she furnished with stuff from her marital home plus new stuff. My mom, being a competent person who thinks about things before doing them, was easily able to make a list and buy things. She was willing to spend time and money to do so. She did not file for divorce without a plan of how to live and care for her children. Because that's not what a responsible person does.

If OP isn't smart enough to figure this out, it's going to be a very bumpy ride.

Bumpy ride for the kids, but in my experience there won't be any consequences for the DH. The legal system is very forgiving of a dad that doesn't have his act together, and very critical of a mom who isn't doing everything perfectly and accommodating the hot mess dad. Your mom was probably not only responsible but very aware of this double standard and protecting herself against it.

The consequences are the kids are going to dislike his house, exploit his cluelessness, and lose respect for him. Also he's going to spend way more money than necessary.

Yes, but they'll still have to go to a house they dislike and spend time with a parent they don't respect who's spending money frivolously when it could go to their benefit in better ways instead. It's no way to grow up.