Relocation Dilemma With Kids in 8th Grade and 11th Grade

[Anonymous]

I think your plan makes sense. Maybe you can even make the best of it, meeting up in fun places between NY and DC. Plus since your wife’s job is remote, they can come visit you for longer stretches in DC during school holidays.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:op here. Another option is for me to continue commuting until my older one finishes high school, and then move the entire family to DC. However, that would mean my younger son would have to start at a new high school in his sophomore year. Since he’s relatively shy and takes longer to make new friends, this timing could be challenging for him.

This is the answer. Much better to start in HS than in 8th. The school will have a way to help him make friends and meet people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Keep in mind that if you are planning to move to VA and your 8th grader plays sports, the transfer rules are changing next year for freshman eligibility and he likely wouldn't be allowed to play if your wife and older son remained in Connecticut.

I’m not sure I fully understand this rule. Both of my kids are competitive swimmers, and I believe my younger son plans to swim for his future high school in addition to joining a competitive swimming club. Here in Connecticut, athletes have to try out every year to ensure everyone gets a fair chance, and the high school coach selects the strongest swimmers from the group.

[Anonymous]

how good are you at managing your younger child when he's unhappy/lonely/miserable? It will probably be a difficult year -- moving between middle and high school is no picnic and you said he makes friends slowly. If you're great with him, great, but it seems like you're underestimating how potentially bad it could be.

[Anonymous]

Regarding the transfer rule, can’t the dad just change his address to be in the DMV? Do they even have to tell the school the mom lives somewhere else?

Although for swim so much of the emphasis is on the private club teams vs the school teams.

[Anonymous]

OP, you aren't going to be able to give the younger teen the attention he needs, not you alone, if only the two of you moved to DC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you aren't going to be able to give the younger teen the attention he needs, not you alone, if only the two of you moved to DC.

Ever heard of single parenting? People do it all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Keep in mind that if you are planning to move to VA and your 8th grader plays sports, the transfer rules are changing next year for freshman eligibility and he likely wouldn't be allowed to play if your wife and older son remained in Connecticut.

That makes zero sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you aren't going to be able to give the younger teen the attention he needs, not you alone, if only the two of you moved to DC.

Huh?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you aren't going to be able to give the younger teen the attention he needs, not you alone, if only the two of you moved to DC.

Mom will be just a Facetime away.

I know people who have been deployed, including moms, with small kids left behind.

A 9th grader is a good age to be working on life skills that mom checks up on. But dad can do that too.

[Anonymous]

Your older son goes to see his current guidance counselor and explains he might have to move next summer. He asks if there are any courses he can take remotely and what phys ed or other classes must be taken at the high school.He sees how much he can cram into next semester. He should consider going to summer school next summer.

It might be possible to cram enough coursework into next semester and summer school to graduate a year early. More likely, he could finish in at the end of the first semester, so he would only have to be in Connecticut with mom for one semester next year rather than the whole year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have to take this job? Our priority once kids reached middle school was to not move.

If you absolutely have to, senior gets to complete final year in CT. 8th grader gets to decide whether to move for 9th grade or 10th.

+1. If the other option is no job and can’t run household, ok. Otherwise, we downgraded careers at that point because we wouldn’t move for promotions. Kids were the priority.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Keep in mind that if you are planning to move to VA and your 8th grader plays sports, the transfer rules are changing next year for freshman eligibility and he likely wouldn't be allowed to play if your wife and older son remained in Connecticut.

I’m not sure I fully understand this rule. Both of my kids are competitive swimmers, and I believe my younger son plans to swim for his future high school in addition to joining a competitive swimming club. Here in Connecticut, athletes have to try out every year to ensure everyone gets a fair chance, and the high school coach selects the strongest swimmers from the group.

That’s not here. Once you get a spot you keep it but it’s grouped by ability. I am not sure you understand competitive swim. Hs depends on the number of swimmers. Some are cut sports and some not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you aren't going to be able to give the younger teen the attention he needs, not you alone, if only the two of you moved to DC.

Mom will be just a Facetime away.

I know people who have been deployed, including moms, with small kids left behind.

A 9th grader is a good age to be working on life skills that mom checks up on. But dad can do that too.

Not the same thing.

[Anonymous]

Is this job super super stable? I would commute Sunday night-Thursday night and get an apartment near work and go back to CT every weekend while you look for a new job that doesn’t require you to move kids that age.