Airport/train pickup

[Anonymous]

We do the pick up and drop off. I don't find it a problem.

If this is making you resentful you should talk to your DH about it. He may like that time with his sister. He may feel obligated to do it. But it isn't good for any of you to be resentful over 2 hrs without a car even if it is weekly.

[Anonymous]

Ask your husband if there’s a mouse in his pocket—who is “we”? If he wants to give her a ride, off he goes. If she “expects” a ride, off he goes to get her. It has nothing to do with you or your work schedule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I understand why a person could not commit to hosting Thanksgiving weekend until they knew they had Wednesday and Friday off from work, because it is easier to host when you have a few days to prepare and cook. I don’t see why it has anything to do with the airport pick up and drop off. Do you usually use the car on weekdays and your DH takes the bus or walks?

Plus, I would think it would be cheaper and easier for you to uber locally if you needed transportation when your DH was picking up his sister.

Yes, I usually use the car on weekdays because my job changed from remote to 20 miles away and there is not a public transit option to the new office. DH walks or bikes to work, we live pretty close.

I don't think an Uber to work and back would be cheaper than the $60 shuttle. DH was thinking we could get the kids up an hour early, they could all drop me off at work, then kids would go to school, then at the end of the day he'd come pick me up (either packing up the kids again, or having his sister watch them). This would depend on his sister's train trip not conflicting with school pickup time OR leaving me stranded at work too late, which could be a more expensive ticket. That's why I said I didn't know if she could visit until I could confirm the days off work. I have no desire to deal with all that on a work day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like an unnecessary time suck for your DH, but if you’re off work Wed and Fri, how does him being gone for a few hours impact your cooking and cleaning plan? Can’t you make sure you have all of your needed groceries on hand before he heads to the airport for pick up?

It's not about the cooking and cleaning plans. It's about needing car maintenance that is noticeably impacting how it drives, and those being the weekdays I have off and don't need the car to commute. Our shop won't guarantee it'll be done in 2 hours or whatever, depends on volume, would be bad to miss her early afternoon pickup.

[Anonymous]

Your DH is way over complicating this. He just needs to say, “Sis, we are so exited to have you here. Larla needs the car when you land so I’ve booked you a ticket on the shuttle. This is where you pick it up, and I’ll take you to the airport on Saturday.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you ever visit her? I know you said she doesn't chip in for gas, but I would guess her tickets aren't cheap either.

I would personally just pay for her shuttle ticket on at least one of the days to avoid doing that kind of drive twice in just a few days.

I hope and would love to visit her, but she doesn't have space to put us up, and hotels where she lives are way outside our current budget, not to mention buying every meal. We do have space for her to stay and can cook for her. (Pretty sure she's not offended by this because we've talked about how neither of us visits the SIL in another city who tells all visitors to get a hotel as much as we'd like.)

So yeah, everybody is feeling pretty strapped in this scenario.

[Anonymous]

Your Husband has to have the balls to just say it doesn't work to pick her up. If he's not willing to do that, we don't know what to tell you.

[Anonymous]

Husband tells her to take shuttle or you rent a car while your is repaired. Yes it's money.

[Anonymous]

Spouse and I differ on this.
I’m from England and when I go home ( once a year) I expect to be picked up and dropped off with DD. It’s about a 90 min drive each way.
I do the same when friends or family come here. BWI is easier but if their flight is cheaper out of IAD I’ll drive there. It is what it is.
Spouse is a believer in never putting others out and would do the shuttle if she was your SIL

[Anonymous]

As a guest .. I’d never inconvenience a family w one car and small children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a guest .. I’d never inconvenience a family w one car and small children.

This. Ya'll ain't teenagers. There are spouses and children involved. Get your own self to and from! That DH doesn't see that is grating. I cannot with adults who cannot comprehend that their spouse and children's welfare take priority over a sibling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My SIL has visited us a couple of weekends recently, which is great. My DH always wants to pick her up and drop her off, which is not so great because we only have one car so the whole family has to plan around making this 2-2.5 hour round trip twice in 48 hours. This meant I couldn't commit to hosting her for Thanksgiving until I had my time off Wed and Fri confirmed because she'd be expecting rides, for example. If she'd take the shuttle (around $60), we could be more flexible, but my husband thinks it is rude not to pick family up.

I'm frustrated because it's a lot of time, it stresses me out when she's like "this is when the cheapest ticket is, does that work?" and i have to calculate work commuting, kids schedules, etc around that, and she's never ONCE offered to chip into gas for the 200 miles of driving we do each weekend she visits. (We both know neither she nor we have much extra money - I know the shuttle costs, but driving isn't free!)

Now we really need to get some work done on our car, and my formerly remote job has become fully in person in another town. I have Wed and Fri of Thanksgiving week off, but we can't take it in those days because those are her travel days. Ideally we can find a place that can do it over a weekend, but I am so frustrated that the shuttle isn't an option. Do you all drive family to and from airports and stations an hour away every time? If not, how do you bring it up?

Only elderly relatives/unaccompanied minors/invalids get rides. All other able-bodied adults arrange for their own transportation. I refuse to run a shuttle service.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Spouse and I differ on this.
I’m from England and when I go home ( once a year) I expect to be picked up and dropped off with DD. It’s about a 90 min drive each way.
I do the same when friends or family come here. BWI is easier but if their flight is cheaper out of IAD I’ll drive there. It is what it is.
Spouse is a believer in never putting others out and would do the shuttle if she was your SIL

Wow, absent a medical need or some other extenuating circumstance I can’t imagine ever accepting (much less expecting!) a friend or family member driving a total of 6 hours round trip in just to take me to and from an airport in an era where ubers and a range of other options are so ubiquitous.

[Anonymous]

With advance booking, car rentals can actually be pretty cheap from an airport.
The sister needs to understand how imposing these pickup/dropoffs are on a one car household in the suburbs. If it's a first time visit to an area, I get it as the transit options can be unfamiliar and confusing.
But these are regular visits and sister should get the hang of it by now.

[Anonymous]

OP, the fact that your car needs servicing overrules everything. If your only car breaks down then where will you be? Bring your car in for servicing when they will take it and work on it and get it back to you.

Don't count on Wed before thanksg. because they will just let it sit on the lot for a few days and maybe until monday.

Tell the repair shop you want a loaner.

Once repairs are settled, the PP who said it's cheaper for DH to do the long shuttle and local rides can be Uber was right. It's either that or pay for SIL's uber.