S/o Do you comment on someone’s weight loss

[Anonymous]

NOPE. You do not. If you're really close, you can give them a "you look great", but even that is loaded af.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I personally do not ask people if they lost weight. I may say something like “you look great, what have you been up to” but even when someone has very noticeably lost a lot of weight, I don’t feel right about acknowledging it directly because I personally don’t like when people comment on my body. I saw a friend recently who clearly has lost a ton of weight and I felt bad afterward for not saying anything because in hindsight she definitely wants people to notice. How do others handle this? To comment or not to comment?

I've recently lost about 70lbs. This is ridiculous -- you can't say that you will say "you look great, what have you been up to?" and in the same breath claim you do not ask people if they lost weight. Those of us who have lost weight know full well that this "you look great, what have you been up to?" stuff means "I see you are a lot thinner, how did you do it, are you on that medication?"

Do not comment on other people's bodies, directly or in a roundabout way. Period. If they bring it up, fine. If not, say nothing. Any other approach is beyond rude. Whether the person who has lost weight knows that or not.

Op here—I can see how you read my post the way you did. I was trying to say that I say something positive like “you look great” and then switch the topic to “what’s news” or “how are things.” I posted because I never comment on weight, but had an interaction with a school mom friend who has clearly lost a bit of weight and I didn’t comment on it. I complimented her haircut and said she looked great. Then I switched subjects to ask about her family. But when someone else at the event did comment on the weight she lit up and told them all about it and I kind of felt like a heel for not saying something. I still think my no comment was the right thing to do, but just felt bad nevertheless.

I got what you were saying (DP, I posted early commending you for making the effort to not ask about it). I absolutely hate when people comment, so if you said to me I looked great and what am I up to, I would have just answered "oh you know, just working, same old" and avoided the subject of my looks. It's hard, but I do think it was right to not comment because it's worse to risk offending/hurting someone.

[Anonymous]

Never.
But, I've lost 25 lbs by not drinking and eating much less and many have noticed. Several have been very direct and asked about my weight loss.
I tell them the truth but it's an odd conversation, as if they want to know a secret and are entitled to know it.

[Anonymous]

I ask them how they are feeling today if I notice a change and haven't seen them for a little while.

I'm of a demographic (age 60, not upper middle class) where it is more common that they have a cancer that I don't know about than are taking GLP-1s.

[Anonymous]

Just had this experience. I wanted to say “you look fabulous!”, but I’ve decided it’s best to say nothing. It’s one of those things that people have become so opinionated about and now risks a negative response.

Like when a friend I hadn’t seen in decades posted a photo of her drop dead gorgeous daughter. Seriously model looking. I commented how beautiful she was. And in return. I got a reply to correct me that she’s smart and strong and funny. Well…I’ve never met her and I don’t know anything about her personality but I’m sorry I said she’s beautiful, I guess?

[Anonymous]

I am in ED recovery and whenever people comment on my body, I spiral. If you say "You've lost weight!" or "You look healthy" or "You've been working out."...my brain will twist that into ED fuel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. I make no comments on how people look and I don't want them from other people.

Ever.

As someone who has lost 150lbs, this is the answer.

[Anonymous]

never. I always say that no one will tell you that you are fat to your face but they sure will tell you how great you look if you lose weight. So just don't. Weight and body image is complicated. No need to add to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. I make no comments on how people look and I don't want them from other people.

Ever.

As someone who has lost 150lbs, this is the answer.

Same and I agree.

[Anonymous]

As someone who lost 50 pounds 2.5 years ago, I can tell you that most people DO say something. Mostly, "you look great/terrific" and a few will ask how I did it

[Anonymous]

If they look healthy and are open about their weight loss journey I say "you look great" and they love it. In situations where I am unsure about what's going on (possibly sick), or I feel somebody looks unhealthy for whatever reason (eating disorder), I would not say anything. I'm in my 50s so quick weight loss is not always a good thing. GLPs have made this distinction even harder...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Never ever comment on someone’s body. Main reason is it just creates awkwardness. The recipient may feel self conscious and may feel the need to return the compliment. It just causes issues.

And another reason is that the weight loss might be related to a serious health issue or depression. You might be “complimenting” someone about a change in their appearance when that change is related to something that’s a cause of stress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Never ever comment on someone’s body. Main reason is it just creates awkwardness. The recipient may feel self conscious and may feel the need to return the compliment. It just causes issues.

And another reason is that the weight loss might be related to a serious health issue or depression. You might be “complimenting” someone about a change in their appearance when that change is related to something that’s a cause of stress.

I’m married to someone who has been through Stage IV cancer twice in their 40s. Unexpected and noticeable weight loss was part of that journey. I found the most stressful part of having a spouse with cancer was that period when we knew something was very wrong, but didn’t know what, and were working with doctors to try to figure things out.

Having people comment on my spouse’s weight loss or worse, ask intrusive questions about what led to the weight loss, made that stress even worse.

Do you really want to hear that we think it’s cancer, but just don’t know what type yet?

[Anonymous]

I just say they look great and leave it at that