Is this rude?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get worked up about dumb things too, but you are overthinking this and being overly critical. It's her way of reminding you and also not putting a burden on you and I think it's actually nice.

I’m like this too, but it’s not nice. It’s controlling.

[Anonymous]

Just ask "Have we ever forgotten to provide a vegetarian option?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get worked up about dumb things too, but you are overthinking this and being overly critical. It's her way of reminding you and also not putting a burden on you and I think it's actually nice.

I’m like this too, but it’s not nice. It’s controlling.

It would be “controlling” to demand that all food be vegetarian. That’s not what’s happening here. They are communicating with their hosts, which is LITERALLY what proper etiquette says you should do:
https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/wellness/raw-vegan-gluten-free-dinner-party-etiquette-for-hosts-and-guests/2016/11/18/4ffcb842-962b-11e6-bb29-bf2701dbe0a3_story.html

Simply Google “vegetarian etiquette” and you will see pages of results to this effect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just ask "Have we ever forgotten to provide a vegetarian option?"

This, exactly, is what I would write.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you’d think I’m annoying that I always discuss my daughters’ nut allergies with people, but if you do, that’s OK. Their own grandparents, 12 years on, cannot grasp that they are allergic to tree nuts and peanuts and literally ALWAYS have nuts around with no mention of them, despite the conversations. And well-meaning parents say “oh yes, I know, no peanuts” when it’s also no *tree nuts.* Tree nuts don’t seem to register to people because peanut allergies are more ubiquitous.

Just last Thanksgiving, despite my nephew also having nut allergies, my Mom put out the Thanksgiving spread with no mention to any parent or kid that she had tried a new recipe with walnuts in the cranberry sauce. It’s a good thing I was making kid plates for my young nieces when I was like, “Uh hey Mom, did you put nuts in the cranberry sauce?” And no, there was no other cranberry alternative. People forget ALL THE TIME. And I don’t blame them, because hosts have a lot to think about, as I well know as a frequent holiday host!

I do this too with my kid's nut allergy. And I check all boxes and labels myself. The grandparents forget to check ingredients every time (they have accidentally put out food with nuts that- in fairness to them- was a food that is typically nut-free). With a food allergy, you have to check every single time. I don't care that it annoys people!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you’d think I’m annoying that I always discuss my daughters’ nut allergies with people, but if you do, that’s OK. Their own grandparents, 12 years on, cannot grasp that they are allergic to tree nuts and peanuts and literally ALWAYS have nuts around with no mention of them, despite the conversations. And well-meaning parents say “oh yes, I know, no peanuts” when it’s also no *tree nuts.* Tree nuts don’t seem to register to people because peanut allergies are more ubiquitous.

Just last Thanksgiving, despite my nephew also having nut allergies, my Mom put out the Thanksgiving spread with no mention to any parent or kid that she had tried a new recipe with walnuts in the cranberry sauce. It’s a good thing I was making kid plates for my young nieces when I was like, “Uh hey Mom, did you put nuts in the cranberry sauce?” And no, there was no other cranberry alternative. People forget ALL THE TIME. And I don’t blame them, because hosts have a lot to think about, as I well know as a frequent holiday host!

I do this too with my kid's nut allergy. And I check all boxes and labels myself. The grandparents forget to check ingredients every time (they have accidentally put out food with nuts that- in fairness to them- was a food that is typically nut-free). With a food allergy, you have to check every single time. I don't care that it annoys people!

Nut allergies are completely different than food preferences, especially for a host that always accommodates the food preference.

But instead of getting worked up why can’t OP simply keep it light and say, don’t worry, as we always do, there will be plenty of pizza with no meat. Can’t wait to see you.

[Anonymous]

Folks with any type of medical issue or food restriction always make every single thing about them. It literally becomes them.

It’s exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you’d think I’m annoying that I always discuss my daughters’ nut allergies with people, but if you do, that’s OK. Their own grandparents, 12 years on, cannot grasp that they are allergic to tree nuts and peanuts and literally ALWAYS have nuts around with no mention of them, despite the conversations. And well-meaning parents say “oh yes, I know, no peanuts” when it’s also no *tree nuts.* Tree nuts don’t seem to register to people because peanut allergies are more ubiquitous.

Just last Thanksgiving, despite my nephew also having nut allergies, my Mom put out the Thanksgiving spread with no mention to any parent or kid that she had tried a new recipe with walnuts in the cranberry sauce. It’s a good thing I was making kid plates for my young nieces when I was like, “Uh hey Mom, did you put nuts in the cranberry sauce?” And no, there was no other cranberry alternative. People forget ALL THE TIME. And I don’t blame them, because hosts have a lot to think about, as I well know as a frequent holiday host!

I do this too with my kid's nut allergy. And I check all boxes and labels myself. The grandparents forget to check ingredients every time (they have accidentally put out food with nuts that- in fairness to them- was a food that is typically nut-free). With a food allergy, you have to check every single time. I don't care that it annoys people!

Nut allergies are completely different than food preferences, especially for a host that always accommodates the food preference.

But instead of getting worked up why can’t OP simply keep it light and say, don’t worry, as we always do, there will be plenty of pizza with no meat. Can’t wait to see you.

Being vegetarian is not a food “preference.” It is a restriction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Folks with any type of medical issue or food restriction always make every single thing about them. It literally becomes them.

It’s exhausting.

Maybe for selfish people who are poor hosts, it is exhausting. I entertain frequently and am happy to plan and execute menus that work for my friends who are vegan, vegetarian, don’t eat pork for religious reasons, and those who have wheat allergies, tree nut/peanut allergies, fish allergies, and shellfish allergies. Then again, I’m a creative and talented host, so I have no idea how I would feel if I were a lackluster, flustered host. YMMV.

[Anonymous]

I swear people look for a reason to get offended and stay offended.

[Anonymous]

Vegetarians are miserable beings, feed them sausage and tell them it’s vegetarian.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Vegetarians are miserable beings, feed them sausage and tell them it’s vegetarian.

Wow, I’m not a vegetarian but it’s clear from the way you talk about people that you are very miserable. Get well soon. I hope you get the help you need.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I swear people look for a reason to get offended and stay offended.

OP is clearly a flustered, overwhelmed host who has no talent or capacity for entertaining. For experienced, good hosts who actually welcome people into their homes, this is not a problem at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know you are right but really do you think I am going to invite you over and not serve food you will eat? It's a close relative not someone I only talk to once a year. There is a second vegetarian too. They are easy going about it. Oh don't worry ..I am fine with salad etc

I’ve been in situations where there is nothing.

Yup. Even the salad has chicken or bacon

[Anonymous]

I eat some meat, but I’ve personally witnessed situations where the host ordered, say, one cheese or one veggie pizza, but it looked good to the kids and even the meat eaters, so the vegetarian had only one or two pieces of pizza while everyone else had three or more.