Everyone with NT kids has it figured out about how to raise a kid with special needs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Do you find some family members or people who know about your child's SN feel the need to share their wisdom having no experience raising someone with special needs? There are a lot of question marks for my teen's future, but apparently, if we figure out college isn't for him, he can just be a plumber. Did you know they make a lot of money? (If I had a dollar for every time I heard this). It doesn't matter if he has none of the skills or aptitude. He should magically go to and get through trade school and know what trade he wants and all will be magical. He is expected to be ready to live on his own and I shouldn't coddle him even though he has few of the independence skills he needs. It goes on. We have gotten intervention since he was a baby and he's had career assessments, etc. and he is an amazing young person. I set boundaries respectfully with the know-it-alls, but people can't seem to resist sharing their fix when they sense any anxiety, I have getting questions about where he will go once high school is over. Those same people love to gossip about the failure to launch kid in the basement and they just judge the kids and the parents without having any understanding of all that people do to try to help their kids be able to launch to at some point.

I know people mean well and just want to have easy solutions, just a vent.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

In the end, this entire post reflects your own judgment about yourself and the situation you are in. It's really important to understand that. People don't owe you understanding. You are in a position to educate others. If you show that you aren't worried about your child's lack of skills or aptitude, that you accept that they may never live on their own *and there's nothing wrong with that*, you can help open the eyes of those who don't realize that life is more than raising kids to be launching on their own. Perhaps you can convince others that it is more important to focus on what we as a society can do for individuals like this, so parents don't have to worry so much about what happens once they are no longer to support their special needs children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Do you find some family members or people who know about your child's SN feel the need to share their wisdom having no experience raising someone with special needs? There are a lot of question marks for my teen's future, but apparently, if we figure out college isn't for him, he can just be a plumber. Did you know they make a lot of money? (If I had a dollar for every time I heard this). It doesn't matter if he has none of the skills or aptitude. He should magically go to and get through trade school and know what trade he wants and all will be magical. He is expected to be ready to live on his own and I shouldn't coddle him even though he has few of the independence skills he needs. It goes on. We have gotten intervention since he was a baby and he's had career assessments, etc. and he is an amazing young person. I set boundaries respectfully with the know-it-alls, but people can't seem to resist sharing their fix when they sense any anxiety, I have getting questions about where he will go once high school is over. Those same people love to gossip about the failure to launch kid in the basement and they just judge the kids and the parents without having any understanding of all that people do to try to help their kids be able to launch to at some point.

I know people mean well and just want to have easy solutions, just a vent.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

In the end, this entire post reflects your own judgment about yourself and the situation you are in. It's really important to understand that. People don't owe you understanding. You are in a position to educate others. If you show that you aren't worried about your child's lack of skills or aptitude, that you accept that they may never live on their own *and there's nothing wrong with that*, you can help open the eyes of those who don't realize that life is more than raising kids to be launching on their own. Perhaps you can convince others that it is more important to focus on what we as a society can do for individuals like this, so parents don't have to worry so much about what happens once they are no longer to support their special needs children.

so parents don't have to worry so much about what happens once they are no longer *around* to support their special needs children.

[Anonymous]

I’ve been much happier since limiting my interactions with other people.

Family, friends, neighbors.

It probably looks maladaptive but it’s such a relief to not be constantly misunderstood. I love not having to hear stuff like this anymore, and not having to try to get people to understand my reality.

I focus on myself. Audiobooks, walks, skincare, weightlifting, creative projects. I avoid people as much as possible.

This has been the single most helpful thing for me on my journey raising a child with SN.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Do you find some family members or people who know about your child's SN feel the need to share their wisdom having no experience raising someone with special needs? There are a lot of question marks for my teen's future, but apparently, if we figure out college isn't for him, he can just be a plumber. Did you know they make a lot of money? (If I had a dollar for every time I heard this). It doesn't matter if he has none of the skills or aptitude. He should magically go to and get through trade school and know what trade he wants and all will be magical. He is expected to be ready to live on his own and I shouldn't coddle him even though he has few of the independence skills he needs. It goes on. We have gotten intervention since he was a baby and he's had career assessments, etc. and he is an amazing young person. I set boundaries respectfully with the know-it-alls, but people can't seem to resist sharing their fix when they sense any anxiety, I have getting questions about where he will go once high school is over. Those same people love to gossip about the failure to launch kid in the basement and they just judge the kids and the parents without having any understanding of all that people do to try to help their kids be able to launch to at some point.

I know people mean well and just want to have easy solutions, just a vent.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

In the end, this entire post reflects your own judgment about yourself and the situation you are in. It's really important to understand that. People don't owe you understanding. You are in a position to educate others. If you show that you aren't worried about your child's lack of skills or aptitude, that you accept that they may never live on their own *and there's nothing wrong with that*, you can help open the eyes of those who don't realize that life is more than raising kids to be launching on their own. Perhaps you can convince others that it is more important to focus on what we as a society can do for individuals like this, so parents don't have to worry so much about what happens once they are no longer to support their special needs children.

so parents don't have to worry so much about what happens once they are no longer *around* to support their special needs children.

+1 It's a lot like how people used to think disabled people need to force themselves to climb up stairs instead of just building a damn ramp to make it easier for them to get to the same place.

[Anonymous]

People give dumb advice all the time. If you’re looking for work, a spouse, whatever problem it may be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know what you mean. It’s like most people only understand special needs if your child has Down’s syndrome.

Trust me. Parents of children with Down syndrome (the correct spelling in this country) experience the same thing. Plus a ton of "why didn't you abort"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother raised three NT children and is the queen of unsolicited advice!. Specifically when it comes to how to parent my ASD child.

My mother too!

[Anonymous]

I will never forget the sped teacher at FCPS summer clinic where we did our initial eligibility meeting.

Despite our neuropsych evaluation and teacher data, she repeatedly commented that if we had just read to our daughter more that she wouldn’t be having these reading issues.

I suppose it was good preparation for the many other awkward comments over the years. It got entertaining once my daughter could explain that dyslexia doesn’t come with a Scarlett D.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Do you find some family members or people who know about your child's SN feel the need to share their wisdom having no experience raising someone with special needs? There are a lot of question marks for my teen's future, but apparently, if we figure out college isn't for him, he can just be a plumber. Did you know they make a lot of money? (If I had a dollar for every time I heard this). It doesn't matter if he has none of the skills or aptitude. He should magically go to and get through trade school and know what trade he wants and all will be magical. He is expected to be ready to live on his own and I shouldn't coddle him even though he has few of the independence skills he needs. It goes on. We have gotten intervention since he was a baby and he's had career assessments, etc. and he is an amazing young person. I set boundaries respectfully with the know-it-alls, but people can't seem to resist sharing their fix when they sense any anxiety, I have getting questions about where he will go once high school is over. Those same people love to gossip about the failure to launch kid in the basement and they just judge the kids and the parents without having any understanding of all that people do to try to help their kids be able to launch to at some point.

I know people mean well and just want to have easy solutions, just a vent.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

In the end, this entire post reflects your own judgment about yourself and the situation you are in. It's really important to understand that. People don't owe you understanding. You are in a position to educate others. If you show that you aren't worried about your child's lack of skills or aptitude, that you accept that they may never live on their own *and there's nothing wrong with that*, you can help open the eyes of those who don't realize that life is more than raising kids to be launching on their own. Perhaps you can convince others that it is more important to focus on what we as a society can do for individuals like this, so parents don't have to worry so much about what happens once they are no longer to support their special needs children.

It's a basic courtesy to keep your unsolicited advice to yourself and it's common sense that if you have no expertise in a subject matter, you should be lecturing on that subject matter. Between work, managing our kids' needs, and a million other stressors, we don't always have time to sit and educate you. We are not superhuman. If you cannot keep your unsolicited and uneducated advice to yourself, don't be surprised if people simply avoid you because they have no more energy left to deal with you.

[Anonymous]

OP- Have you tried a pure Whole Foods, no gluten, no dairy, no soy, no meat, no red-40, no sugar, no processing, preservative-free diet that’s heavy on (real) probiotics?! Clearly not, because that fixes everything.

[Anonymous]

A preschool teacher once suggested that I "simply explain to him that it's ok to be angry but it's not ok to hurt people". And I was like, I get that you think this is good advice, but maybe consider that if I've asked my pediatrician, my mother, my mother in law, and all my friends, and am at the point of admitting to the preschool teacher that my 5yo still bites me and I need help, it's probably a safe assumption that we already tried "telling him not to".

Sometimes you just gotta laugh so you don't cry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know what you mean. It’s like most people only understand special needs if your child has Down’s syndrome.

Trust me. Parents of children with Down syndrome (the correct spelling in this country) experience the same thing. Plus a ton of "why didn't you abort"?

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A preschool teacher once suggested that I "simply explain to him that it's ok to be angry but it's not ok to hurt people". And I was like, I get that you think this is good advice, but maybe consider that if I've asked my pediatrician, my mother, my mother in law, and all my friends, and am at the point of admitting to the preschool teacher that my 5yo still bites me and I need help, it's probably a safe assumption that we already tried "telling him not to".

Sometimes you just gotta laugh so you don't cry.

LOL!! This is my favorite one. “did you tell him not to hit other kids?”

[Anonymous]

My favorite is "I just expect children to behave".

[Anonymous]

I feel you OP.

My current pet peeve is parenting “experts” and even many therapists who can’t grasp that no, my kid’s challenges are not the same as your NT kid. I get so irked when a supposed parenting expert’s vignette is like “Ho ho, when my younger son Larlo was a freshman he wanted to join the swim team! We thought it would be too much for him, but he thrived even though he wasn’t very good!” …