Child is severely left out
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Anonymous
| Ugh. Kids this age are awful. This happened to me in 7th grade at the same time my parents were having a crisis in their marriage. So I was ostracized at school and ignored at home for the next two years. I would imagine that if your make your DD feel loved, appreciated, and valued at home, it could really help. And I agree about making an effort with other friends, driving them places, etc. It could all help put these awful girls in perspective for her. |
Anonymous
| Is there one or two girls in the group that would accept an invite from your daughter for something fun outside of school? Maybe they are tired of the queen bee and another group can form with your kind daughter. Happens a lot. |
Anonymous
| I’m sorry, OP. It sucks. The exact same thing happened to my DD and I never spoke to the other girl’s mother again (we had been friends as well). I actually disagree with the advice above about not maligning this girl. Our DD knows very well what we think of kids who do this and we are not reserved about expressing it. We talk about the importance of avoiding a-holes and finding friends who are nice, and we model that behavior. It helps give her confidence. |
Anonymous
She needs to branch out and find new friends, unfortunately. |
Anonymous
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My DD is a bit older - so the book may be out of date - but Untangled had some good tips as did Queen Bee and Wanna Bees.
I have heard the author of Untangled speak and if you can catch her from an online video, it might be helpful. |
Anonymous
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Same thing happened to my DD in MS. It was hard! She cried a lot in the evenings. Still no idea why but looks like from other comments there may not be any specific reason. In MS, girls want so desperately to be part of the group that they dare not go against the group or against queen bee for fear of being ostracized themselves.
DD leaned more on friendships out of school from an extracurricular she had a lot of close friendships and felt like she belonged. Also signed her up for a weekly fun class with a friend not from school and that gave her something else to look forward to. We spent a lot of time with her as a family. Yes, we talked about mean behavior, what kind of person makes a good friend, what’s important to her in a friend… and also explained at this age all the kids are learning still and we should keep an open mind for future. Be cordial, don’t ignore (bc that is stressful) but also don’t engage those girls. She started sitting with different kids at lunch and those girls were a much better fit for her personality so overall a positive move. She still feels sad/hurt on occasion about the old group but the feeling seem to pass pretty quickly. It was really hard to watch her go through it and I was so sad for her. But she has grown from it, become wiser, and found better friends who are no drama. Hugs! |
Anonymous
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I'm so sorry, OP - it's really hard to watch. It happened to my DD in 7th grade and again in 9th - the same girls were involved both times, so it shouldn't have been a surprise, tbh. You've gotten some good advice already that I will reiterate -- make family plans when possible, listen and empathize when needed, but give space when your DC wants it. Foster friendships outside of school.
My DD plays sports outside of school, so really fostered and leaned on those friendships. She also found new friends or became better friends with other people at school. It's important for your DD to find new friends in school -- she will continue to feel down about herself if she doesn't because her old friends will likely make her feel bad about herself. My DD still (understandably) carries some insecurities with her even though she is in a much better place now. Remind her that real friends don't make her feel bad about herself and that quality matters a whole lot more than quantity. I'm sorry you all are going through this. It will get better but it does take some work. |
Anonymous
| Can’t you call the mother of the girl who’s excluding your daughter and ask her to stop doing that? |
Anonymous
Not the OP but one of the PPs - don't do this. It makes it so much worse. Only involve parents when there is serious bullying going on. Exclusion does not rise to that level. |
Anonymous
| Junior high is so rough. |
Anonymous
| Don't be passive. She finds friends. She decides. |
Anonymous
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Most of the time these things will shift around again. What can seem like the end of the social world is often completely better in a month or so. I have 3 kids and saw this play out several times.
That said, I once heard the saying: "the best way to survive middle school is to have some friends outside of the middle school." So definitely encourage your daughter to invest in outside relationships as well. |
Anonymous
Exact thing happened to my DD in 8th grade, and again in 12th. Thankfully, DD had other friends to hang out with. Tell her to make plans with other friends. It sucks. GL. |
Anonymous
+1 do not do this. My kid went through this twice, and she would've been mortified if I called the parents. I was tempted to, but it would've made things worse. |
Anonymous
Another +1. The girl will just defend her actions and mention some stupid thing OPs daughter did that annoyed or offended her in some way. And guaranteed it's stupid nonsense but nothing will change. |