Surprise!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think OP and her husband have a right to be very annoyed.

For their family, Thanksgiving or Christmas is their chance to not only see MIL, but see extended family and get kids together with cousins. It could have happened this year but instead MIL didn’t tell them. To MIL, Thanksgiving or Christmas belongs to her. She’s the center and only important guest so why should it matter to her adult son if other people are coming or not.

So in the future do not book plans until you confirm with your cousins whether their branch will be coming.

Why is MIL in charge of telling OP that different family members have different thanksgiving plans this year? If OPs family was so excited to see these cousins, they could have reached out to them to ask if they were attending MILs thanksgiving this year or not. Either way , it is childish to assume that every years thanksgiving gathering will be the same. People are allowed to switch it up and 1) stay home, 2) visit different family or in laws, 3) go on a trip, 4) spend it with neighbors or friends, or 5) any combination of the above. Getting annoyed that someone isn’t attending a thanksgiving dinner that a third person (in this case, MIL) is hosting because “they always attend!” is childish. It certainly wasn’t MILs job to inform you of this other family’s plans, that makes your reaction even MORE silly.

Exactly. OP and DH are adults and need to act more like it; they shouldn't be relying on DH's mother to inform them of where everyone else is going to be on Thanksgiving. If it is that important, they need to reach out to DH's brothers and sisters themselves. Expecting DH's MIL to herd all of the cats here is childish. It's enough work for MIL to put on Thanksgiving at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You all don’t talk to your family about their plans? It’s not your MIL’s responsibility. If it mattered to you,
You should have asked and not assumed. I think it’s weird that you wouldn’t have asked his siblings about their plans.

Agree. Usually, all of my siblings (5) come to my parents’ house for Christmas. But I never assume… I send an email around Sept asking about everyone’s holiday plans. Now you’ll know to check for next year.

[Anonymous]

Well, it sounds like you made an assumption, and even if it was based on reliable past experiences, FAFO.

[Anonymous]

Are you not in touch with these other people? You didn’t mention oh excited to see you at Thanksgiving?

[Anonymous]

I've had something very similar happen. A tradition to all gather at one house and then after we make extensive travel plans the other family with kids says "oh by the way, we won't be there." I was definitely disappointed at the offhand delivery and would have been even more so if I heard it secondhand rather than directly from my cousin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, this wasn’t your MIL’s responsibility.

People complain about women having to do all the emotional labor and then complain about MIL not doing the emotional labor.

[Anonymous]

MIL thought the draw was them not the cousinfest. Do tell her that in future it's not worth coming just for them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't bother being annoyed. They have the right to change things up, and MIL isn't obligated to tell you. Maybe she forgot. Maybe if you talked DIRECTLY with these relatives you claim to like so much you'd have known sooner.

Gross of you to essentially say it's not worth spending time with MIL and FIL. That must make them feel like crap.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've had something very similar happen. A tradition to all gather at one house and then after we make extensive travel plans the other family with kids says "oh by the way, we won't be there." I was definitely disappointed at the offhand delivery and would have been even more so if I heard it secondhand rather than directly from my cousin.

I don’t get people like you. Traditions change. Why not touch base with people you are hoping to see over the holidays before making travel plans? No one is obligated to celebrate the holidays in the exact same way every year just because you are rigid about the tradition. You should re evaluate your mindset before ever becoming a MIL.

[Anonymous]

This is on you and DH. Why are you looking to blame someone else? Your MIL is not in charge of finding out other people’s travel schedules and sharing them with you. If you cared, you or DH should have talked to them about their plans before booking. It’s pretty sexist of you to put this on your MIL.

[Anonymous]

Wow. Imagine if OP’s DH was an only child. They would hardly ever visit his side of the family because it wouldn’t feel worth it just to see two relatives.

[Anonymous]

Your spouse has no business being annoyed when he can’t manage his own relationship with his cousins and aunt and uncle. Doesn’t he talk to them, ever?

[Anonymous]

Blame your husband.
He should have communicated better with his family.
To include his mother and those family members.

[Anonymous]

I mean are your kids really that concerned about visiting with their second cousins for Thanksgiving? That seems like a bit of an overreaction.

I agree though if seeing the cousins was important that was in husband to coordinate. I don't think I've ever coordinated plans with a cousin through my mom, I just text contact them directly. Same with my aunts/uncles. This is not on MIL.