A travel question that is much more a family relations question

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:is it Israel? refusing to go in part because the country is “controversial” is obviously problematic and very different from it being too expensive or far away.

Yes

OP here. That was not me responding.

[Anonymous]

No problem obligation. You are all adults. You all get to choose independently where you live, where you travel to and how much you spend. Personally, I wouldn’t make it about politics or safety but simply say it’s too far for a visit trip. Before anyone poops in with well what if they go to Europe. If they want to travel to Europe and it’s on their list of travel hopes, they should not give that up because an extended family member chose to move somewhere else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would go once.

this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I personally would probably find a way to visit her at least once if it means that much to her. If they fly alot, perhaps they could use miles to get you guys a ticket? Are they retired and you are not? Do you still have kids at home?

OP here. Both couples will be retired. There was no mention of helping with the cost of the trip via miles or help in any other way was not offered. If it was, I think I'd have a hard time accepting. But the cost of going would mean that for my husband and I a desired "bucket-list" trip would not happen that year. At our ages, there is not an endless amount of travel years.

As I keep thinking about this, I feel that my question is more a "What are you willing to sacrifice?" question. I know without any doubt that I am willing to sacrifice a great deal for my children. I thought the same applied to my sister but now faced with this developing scenario I am no longer sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:is it Israel? refusing to go in part because the country is “controversial” is obviously problematic and very different from it being too expensive or far away.

Yes

lol how did I know. So this is about you being antisemitic and your sister calling you on it.

OP here. Please do not bring that into this thread PP. It could not be further from the truth. I am Jewish.

[Anonymous]

Be direct with your sister. Tell her the cost of plane tickets even for you is prohibitively high now and therefore you can't visit her there.

[Anonymous]

Look, OP, I don’t know why you just can’t name the country on this anonymous form, but whatever. If it’s not Israel, which I wouldn’t step foot in if my life depending on it, and if you love your sister as much as you say you do, then yes, I would commit to visiting her “once“. You might actually enjoy it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:is it Israel? refusing to go in part because the country is “controversial” is obviously problematic and very different from it being too expensive or far away.

Yes

OP here. That was not me responding.

So it’s not Israel? What is so controversial about the country?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are close and it’s important to her, I would do it (maybe just you, without husband). You might end up liking the place more than you like, or maybe your initial thoughts will be confirmed. Regardless, I just don’t think seeing “xyz bucket place” is more important than people that I love. If she didn’t care, it would be a different story. I don’t think it’s an obligation, just a really nice thing to do.

OP here. This is where I am conflicted. I completely agree it would be "a really nice thing to do" and as I love my sister I want to make her happy. But I do wonder if my going per her "demand" would make her happy but make me resentful later on as it was not my choice. And what if my husband and I may not be able to take a nice trip that year. I know that there is no way to know this but I worry that this is part of the equation.

The problem is that you brought judgment of her choice into it. That ship has sailed, now she knows how you feel. You can't claim budget or safety (which are also valid concerns). So there's really no point in going just to appease her. It won't be enough - the problem is your judging her, so you won't satisfy her now unless you are over the top with praise for this place, and eager to return. If you had not made your feelings clear, you could have just agreed to go, and kept coming up with excuses... that's the little dance that everyone does which everyone can see through, but there's a reason people do it, lol. At this point, just stand your ground, and you'll feel free.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are conflating visiting a special destination (in which case, the destination matters a lot) with visiting your sister (in which case, the destination matters very little). You may need to adjust your thinking about "bucket list" travel with the desire to be close with your family. For me, that would be an easy choice. You need to make your own choice, but I do implore you to think about what choice you would be happier you made on your deathbed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:is it Israel? refusing to go in part because the country is “controversial” is obviously problematic and very different from it being too expensive or far away.

Yes

OP here. That was not me responding.

So it’s not Israel? What is so controversial about the country?

It's Israel. We all know it's Israel. Her sister is making aliyah.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:is it Israel? refusing to go in part because the country is “controversial” is obviously problematic and very different from it being too expensive or far away.

Yes

lol how did I know. So this is about you being antisemitic and your sister calling you on it.

Choosing not to visit Israel is not anti semitic

[Anonymous]

Perhaps you and DS can neeti somewhere in between related to your vacation plans.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Not posting the country as I do not want that to influence people's responses. The country itself only matters here in that it is one that my husband and I have no desire to visit. Never did.

What matters here is my wondering if there is an obligation to visit a friend or family member who chooses to move thousands of miles away? I feel forced and, yes, slightly bullied by my sister to visit her when it was her choice to put significant physical distance between us. It does not seem fair that now, for reasons I had no control over, it is up to me to nurture and even sacrifice for the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps you and DS can neeti somewhere in between related to your vacation plans.

OP here. I thought of this but my sister wants me to "experience her new world" where she will be moving.