Young adult son troubles

[Anonymous]

OP, this gave me the chills.

My initial feeling is to hire an PI that can do a thorough check- do these even exist? That would be my only hope. I’m not tech savvy either and I don’t think I would be able to do this myself. If something is fine, he needs to move out- or you and DD do. There is just no way I could live with someone like this, son or not. I would not feel safe- this is a pathological problem. Even if you got rid of the bugs and had a talk, what’s to stop him from doing it again? Then the suspicion and searching has to happen all over again. You can’t be chasing tail around this. I’m so sorry, this sounds terrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there a dashcam in your car? Some can record voices.

No dashcam.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, this gave me the chills.

My initial feeling is to hire an PI that can do a thorough check- do these even exist? That would be my only hope. I’m not tech savvy either and I don’t think I would be able to do this myself. If something is fine, he needs to move out- or you and DD do. There is just no way I could live with someone like this, son or not. I would not feel safe- this is a pathological problem. Even if you got rid of the bugs and had a talk, what’s to stop him from doing it again? Then the suspicion and searching has to happen all over again. You can’t be chasing tail around this. I’m so sorry, this sounds terrible.

I agree. Some PI can be creepy I heard so too nervous to hire one. I liked the idea of buying some kind of gadget to detect things that may be hidden in my car.

Anyone know what it’s called?

And where can I take my phone to be examined by a trustworthy person? Would someone at an Apple Store do this kind of thing?

[Anonymous]

Why is this in the teens and tweens forum?

[Anonymous]

So…my mentally ill ex DH also had the same diagnoses you’re listing but didn’t get them until he was an adult and his mental health diagnoses came later. After our marriage ended, a ton of creepy stuff came out that revealed he had recorded me over the years (illegal in my state) and even baited me in certain conversations to elicit specific things to try to use against me. He took this stuff to therapists and attorneys with varying results.

I don’t have advice for how to deal with the logistics of checking for illicit activity, but I would get him out of the house and if he’s going to stay in the house, you need to consider that there is a lot more going on that just autism and PDD and that there is some big mental health stuff happening. My ex has hovered on the edge of dangerous for a long time and it got scary. Know that once someone is doing some of these things, the way they perceive morals and right/wrong have been twisted in a way that they use to justify far worse things.

Good luck, OP. I’m really sorry that you have this in your life because I know how hard it is and how confusing it can be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need a new therapist for yourself, OP. Also talk to your doctor about anxiety meds.

And what about his behavior…??

He’s 21. You have to live with it or find him other living arrangements. You had 18 years to change his behavior, once he’s an adult there’s very little if anything you can do. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are devices on Amazon that can sweep for bugs (someone paranoid did this at my AirBNB)

Mostly kidding but…..how do you know this?

How do you know and why is it paranoid? I haven't done it myself but there have been enough instances of Airbnb hosts recording people in bedrooms and bathrooms to get their rocks off it doesn't seem that wild to me either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How soon till he moves out of your home?

Literally this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are devices on Amazon that can sweep for bugs (someone paranoid did this at my AirBNB)

Mostly kidding but…..how do you know this?

How do you know and why is it paranoid? I haven't done it myself but there have been enough instances of Airbnb hosts recording people in bedrooms and bathrooms to get their rocks off it doesn't seem that wild to me either.

Yup, I will never stay in another one if I can help it.

Sure, it's against the rules and against the law in most places but the hosts don't care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is this in the teens and tweens forum?

It is the Adult Children forum.

[Anonymous]

He needs to move out.

[Anonymous]

Test your theory.

Have a conversation in the same car with the same phones/devices in the car. Make up a topic of conversation, something untrue that he’d be interested in and that you’ve never discussed before.

If he brings it up, you know.