New holiday gift giving traditions - kids over 18

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Woah. You only have sons and they don’t give you presents? This seems like a training opportunity here. Raise your sons to buy women presents. It’s not always easy for guys to think of what women would like, so they need to work on this before they have annoyed wives.

OP here. Nothing for Mother’s Day either. Son asked this year “are we doing anything for Mother’s Day?”. I said that they were welcome to do something for me.

Next year I’m going to proactively request something. They should just Google/AI “things to do for mom on Mother’s Day”. These are teaching moments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just give them cash like your DH

That is a big possibility. However, I’m going to ask sons if they want to do something fun and more inclusive - like a gift exchange, secret Santa or special outing.

I’m 100 % done otherwise

[Anonymous]

You are carrying the whole load here. My guess is that to whatever extent you try to begin some "new holiday gift giving traditions' ... which ... let's face it, just means "these selfish men need to get me something," it'll flop.

Change nothing, except for your DH getting you nothing. That's not acceptable. If you can't change it, then yeah, move on to no more gift giving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Thoughtless husband and sons. Ick!
I wouldn’t give any of those adult men anything

I’m considering that. Gift giving not their love language. I exchange gifts with friends - we get a kick out of picking the right things for each other. Gender differences I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are carrying the whole load here. My guess is that to whatever extent you try to begin some "new holiday gift giving traditions' ... which ... let's face it, just means "these selfish men need to get me something," it'll flop.

Change nothing, except for your DH getting you nothing. That's not acceptable. If you can't change it, then yeah, move on to no more gift giving.

Yes - I’ve definitely carried the load.

Change is essential - can’t do it the same anymore.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry but this is a problem you could have fixed VERY early on by USING. YOUR. WORDS.

Why haven't you told your children and husband that you expect a gift, for example?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry but this is a problem you could have fixed VERY early on by USING. YOUR. WORDS.

Why haven't you told your children and husband that you expect a gift, for example?

He claims that he doesn’t need gifts

He thinks Christmas is for kids

Things have become too lopsided over the years. Time for a change

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Thoughtless husband and sons. Ick!
I wouldn’t give any of those adult men anything

Op you've taught your sons that men don't do the work of gift buying or giving. They shouldn't receive gifts then. This is why we have so many idiots who believe that people with penises don't do gifts or are "just naturally selfish". Bull shite. They've just been raised to believe that everyone else is to take care of them but they aren't expected to take care of others. Have no doubt, this will be a problem for their future significant others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Thoughtless husband and sons. Ick!
I wouldn’t give any of those adult men anything

I’m considering that. Gift giving not their love language. I exchange gifts with friends - we get a kick out of picking the right things for each other. Gender differences I guess.

There is no such thing as a love language. This is not gender difference. How are you so blind that you do not see that you've trained your kids to be selfish louts and you've tolerated your husband's selfish tendencies. WTF op?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I started dating dh at 21 and I have bought all of his moms presents since then. I don’t think he really gave her gifts. Dh does always buy me nice gifts though.

A Christmas without gifts seems sort of strange. Both sides of our family have always still exchanged presents even after we were grown. Luckily we both had younger siblings.

This is the type of sexist bull shot women have been participating in for far too long. Men have the same abilities to pick gifts as the rest of us. Most women have been trained to be shoppers but it doesn't mean mean cant do it. Not one bit of this is genetic. It's the crap we've created ourselves.

[Anonymous]

OP here: the immediate prior posters have shamed me enough so no further need.

Yes - my husband should have known better. My sons are decent human beings. One of them just did something very thoughtful for a girlfriend - perhaps he learned from peer group or social media.

They will be coached by me going forward

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Thoughtless husband and sons. Ick!
I wouldn’t give any of those adult men anything

I’m considering that. Gift giving not their love language.I exchange gifts with friends - we get a kick out of picking the right things for each other. Gender differences I guess.

Quit making excuses for their actions.
They don’t think enough of you after all these years to acknowledge you.

Ugh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I started dating dh at 21 and I have bought all of his moms presents since then. I don’t think he really gave her gifts. Dh does always buy me nice gifts though.

A Christmas without gifts seems sort of strange. Both sides of our family have always still exchanged presents even after we were grown. Luckily we both had younger siblings.

This is the type of sexist bull shot women have been participating in for far too long. Men have the same abilities to pick gifts as the rest of us. Most women have been trained to be shoppers but it doesn't mean mean cant do it. Not one bit of this is genetic. It's the crap we've created ourselves.

I take it that you don't spend much time in grocery stores.

[Anonymous]

[b]

Anonymous wrote:You are carrying the whole load here. My guess is that to whatever extent you try to begin some "new holiday gift giving traditions' ... which ... let's face it, just means "these selfish men need to get me something," it'll flop.

Change nothing, except for your DH getting you nothing. That's not acceptable. If you can't change it, then yeah, move on to no more gift giving.

OP here - you’re probably right that the time when the boys would have gotten me something has gone and went. Too late to do new things.

Rethinking a lot of things right now

[Anonymous]

Ohhhh no. If my mother or MIL said that she expected us to buy her a gift for christmas, I'd roll my eyes. Gifts are for children.