Online dating - should I reach out or wait?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think either of you are that into each other. You're probably both nice people but nobody is that busy to have not set up a meeting by now. And in my experience when you're both into each other it doesn't matter who did what when you're just happy to meet and chat

What you've got going on now seems exhausting. Seems like you both want something else but are too polite to just let this go

OP here- and note sure I agree with this. The conversation we had was very interesting and easy and I there’s definitely there’s mutual attraction.

I believe it maybe the case of what a couple of earlier posters mentioned that this is online dating after all, and I must admit there’s a larger pool for man to choose from, plus he might not be a man who pursues which would be an issue for me. I just have to accept that and move on if I don’t hear from him.

Thank you all who responded!

You don't have to agree with it. Just know I'm right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think either of you are that into each other. You're probably both nice people but nobody is that busy to have not set up a meeting by now. And in my experience when you're both into each other it doesn't matter who did what when you're just happy to meet and chat

What you've got going on now seems exhausting. Seems like you both want something else but are too polite to just let this go

OP here- and note sure I agree with this. The conversation we had was very interesting and easy and I there’s definitely there’s mutual attraction.

I believe it maybe the case of what a couple of earlier posters mentioned that this is online dating after all, and I must admit there’s a larger pool for man to choose from, plus he might not be a man who pursues which would be an issue for me. I just have to accept that and move on if I don’t hear from him.

Thank you all who responded!

How long is “a bit?” If he blew off your proposal to meet IRL and this texting relationship has been going on for more than like a week, it’s time to bounce.

[Anonymous]

He is not into you. has other dates, and you might be a back up plann.

[Anonymous]

OP sounds like a difficult woman who will be single until she changes her ways. What's wrong with making things easy for the guy to date you?

I have had much more luck when I let the woman pursue me, and act in an aloof manner toward my dates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds like a difficult woman who will be single until she changes her ways. What's wrong with making things easy for the guy to date you?

I have had much more luck when I let the woman pursue me, and act in an aloof manner toward my dates.

You prefer a woman pursue you and you act aloof? You’re a nut case.

[Anonymous]

Larger pool for a man to choose from???

Where did you hear that?? Read the statistics about OLD and how many fewer matches men get from women versus what women get. I know from the women I have met that they get inundated with matches. While it makes it hard to choose, they have choices.

I’m sure the most handsome men get a ton of likes and can be choosy. But average to above average men mostly get a fraction of what an equally attractive female will get. And yes, attractiveness is the highest indicator on who someone swipes on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, if the guy isn’t doing everything you want at this stage, move on. It’s not going to get better.

Everything? I get not dating someone who doesn't check most boxes but every last little thing?

Good luck in that case!

Men will be on their best behavior at the outset.

If they don’t meet the standard at that point, they never will.

He's not getting drunk and running over cats.

He's juggling apps and texting.

You get what you allow.

Good luck!

This. You want someone that is interested enough that you are not questioning it.

But how can he be "interested" if he barely knows you? There is nothing to "pursue" yet. You two are literally just beginning to be oriented to each other's existence. Just meet him where is is communication wise and go from there, treat him like a new friend for now, and see where it goes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think either of you are that into each other. You're probably both nice people but nobody is that busy to have not set up a meeting by now. And in my experience when you're both into each other it doesn't matter who did what when you're just happy to meet and chat

What you've got going on now seems exhausting. Seems like you both want something else but are too polite to just let this go

OP here- and note sure I agree with this. The conversation we had was very interesting and easy and I there’s definitely there’s mutual attraction.

I believe it maybe the case of what a couple of earlier posters mentioned that this is online dating after all, and I must admit there’s a larger pool for man to choose from, plus he might not be a man who pursues which would be an issue for me. I just have to accept that and move on if I don’t hear from him.

Thank you all who responded!

Don't worry about the numbers game, of men or women having the advantage in online dating, etc, doesn't matter when you are one on one with someone, the other person is not going to beg and plead on cue just because, say, women have the advantage statisticially online. The games don't work in real life.

[Anonymous]

I personally do not think it is at all strange that this guy shared his phone no.# w/you…..I think it is a good sign that he is possibly interested in you too.

If you are interested than yes, definitely reach out to him!
Yes it is nice to be pursued but waiting around is not fun when you have the power to make things happen on your own!

Plus you will not come off as desperate at all!

[Anonymous]

I think it’s fine to text to set up a date. If it’s still not happening, then unmatch.

[Anonymous]

It's better to send a text than sit around fretting about whether he is interested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I matched with a guy and we messaged for a bit, but then he stopped responding to my last message. Later, he reached out to apologize, saying he’d gotten busy. I saw the message but wasn’t sure if I wanted to continue the conversation, though I didn’t unmatch—so I guess part of me was still interested.

He followed up again with a really nice voice message, which won me over. We messaged a bit and had a video call. We talked about meeting in person, and I said I’d share my phone number on the app. I did and he replied with his number, which I found odd, since he already had mine. Why not just text me?

Anyway, I mentioned that I appreciated how busy he is, adding that my time is limited too—but I didn’t mean to suggest I didn’t want to hear from him soon.

Now I’m wondering: should I text him? I don’t want to seem desperate or like I’ll be the one initiating everything. I want a man who’s willing to pursue me.

Thoughts?

You sound like the type that wants to "unmatch" first so you can try to save face etc.

He should avoid you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I matched with a guy and we messaged for a bit, but then he stopped responding to my last message. Later, he reached out to apologize, saying he’d gotten busy. I saw the message but wasn’t sure if I wanted to continue the conversation, though I didn’t unmatch—so I guess part of me was still interested.

He followed up again with a really nice voice message, which won me over. We messaged a bit and had a video call. We talked about meeting in person, and I said I’d share my phone number on the app. I did and he replied with his number, which I found odd, since he already had mine. Why not just text me?

Anyway, I mentioned that I appreciated how busy he is, adding that my time is limited too—but I didn’t mean to suggest I didn’t want to hear from him soon.

Now I’m wondering: should I text him? I don’t want to seem desperate or like I’ll be the one initiating everything. I want a man who’s willing to pursue me.

Thoughts?

You sound like the type that wants to "unmatch" first so you can try to save face etc.

He should avoid you.

Save face? I haven’t met the guy and unless a date is arranged I will probably never encounter this person in my life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is not into you. has other dates, and you might be a back up plann.

This is the answer. He probably has other dates lined up.

When people are on line dating they have a lot of men or women in different stages of the pipeline.

Don't spend a lot of time back and forth. If the guy does not make a move to ask you out then move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I matched with a guy and we messaged for a bit, but then he stopped responding to my last message. Later, he reached out to apologize, saying he’d gotten busy. I saw the message but wasn’t sure if I wanted to continue the conversation, though I didn’t unmatch—so I guess part of me was still interested.

He followed up again with a really nice voice message, which won me over. We messaged a bit and had a video call. We talked about meeting in person, and I said I’d share my phone number on the app. I did and he replied with his number, which I found odd, since he already had mine. Why not just text me?

Anyway, I mentioned that I appreciated how busy he is, adding that my time is limited too—but I didn’t mean to suggest I didn’t want to hear from him soon.

Now I’m wondering: should I text him? I don’t want to seem desperate or like I’ll be the one initiating everything. I want a man who’s willing to pursue me.

Thoughts?

You sound like the type that wants to "unmatch" first so you can try to save face etc.

He should avoid you.

Save face? I haven’t met the guy and unless a date is arranged I will probably never encounter this person in my life.

So why are you leading him on then?