s/o Gift giving as a form of aggression

[Anonymous]

Call me mean but I support the vacuum gift, I had a toddler myself so I know it’s possible to keep car clean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I turned 40, my mom gave me a gift card to J.Jill, a store I have literally never shopped at and associate with much older women. She had never purchased anything from there for me before and I'd never mentioned I like that store or wanted anything from there. She also usually doesn't give me gift cards. It 100% felt like my mom saying "hahahaha now you're old." I wasn't even feeling worked up about turning 40 but I recall that gift really feeling like an attack.

Or maybe she is just getting older. She's always been pretty clueless about my approach to fashion/style (she's given me many clothes over the years that just have nothing to do with how I actually dress). Maybe it wasn't passive aggressive at all and she just thought I'd like something from that store. I don't know. Maybe my reaction was entirely about my ambivalence about turning 40 and the gift was actually just a nice gesture.

Maybe.

Lol. I shop at J. Jill. It can seem frumpy but I have bought 2 nice sweaters, 3 useful skirts, and a pair of pants from there. None of them are identifiable as J. Jill.

I learned about it from a fellow petite who was a Stanford alumni. So I guess it's a store for women with more brains than pride.

I would give someone a pass on that. Unless they were known for making fun of your weight or style.

[Anonymous]

I worked at J. Jill when I was 18 and still have some of the clothing I bought from them at that time (I'm now 36). Most of our customers were high-level women in professional fields that didn't really need business professional attire, like high school principals, architects, marketing executives, etc. Creative but responsible types. Their jewelry was and is quite nice!

[Anonymous]

Just hand the gifts back without opening. They’ll eventually stop

[Anonymous]

My MIL might have this tendency.

She asked what we wanted and I sent ideas.

I’d asked for a scarf and she gave me one she’d bought thirty years prior. It’s the kind a tourist would buy when in a certain country.

Regarding the old scarf, she made a big deal about how she likes to buy local…I knew there was nowhere local that sold scarves like this because the town is too small.

Really weird.

I finally realized she will only give us items she buys from her friends at the church bazar or their small businesses and the buying is all about her looking generous to the people who create this stuff.

She also makes stocking for us. We are all adults. We do not expect or ask for this…but she barely put anything in my stocking. Meanwhile, I buy items for her stocking to surprise her.

If we go back there for Xmas, I asked my spouse to buy me items for my stocking, so I can be part of the experience too.