How to handle perpetually sulky, unhappy with something tween

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Go to your room to sulk and come back out when you've finished and you can be pleasant to be around."

This.
Gotta’ parent OP and dad

Stop allowing that child to sour the mood for the rest of the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was growing up this kind of behavior was not tolerated. One family member did not get to make the rest of the family miserable.

This x 100000000

[Anonymous]

You have to take responsibility for yourself you can't blame her for ruining your experience everyone is in charge of their own emotions including you.


You are also very vague on what is actually going on.

Not getting her way can mean a lot of things it can mean sulking about doing chores. Or it can mean not wanting to spend all weekend with grandma, no.longer being interested in the instrument/sport you selected for her. Insisting she wear clothes she doesn't like...
Lots of possibilities not easily solved by go to your room you're making me unhappy.

Will also add that this was around the age and onset and presentation of my depression so something to consider before you just punish her for being an obnoxious teen

[Anonymous]

We have a saying that a bad mood is like the flu, the important thing is not to infect anyone else with it. It is also treated like the flu, stay away from everyone until your mood improves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's fine. All feelings are ok

Yes, but part of being a parent is teaching your kids that acting on all feelings is not OK.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have to take responsibility for yourself you can't blame her for ruining your experience everyone is in charge of their own emotions including you.


You are also very vague on what is actually going on.

Not getting her way can mean a lot of things it can mean sulking about doing chores. Or it can mean not wanting to spend all weekend with grandma, no.longer being interested in the instrument/sport you selected for her. Insisting she wear clothes she doesn't like...
Lots of possibilities not easily solved by go to your room you're making me unhappy.

Will also add that this was around the age and onset and presentation of my depression so something to consider before you just punish her for being an obnoxious teen

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was growing up this kind of behavior was not tolerated. One family member did not get to make the rest of the family miserable.

And what did that look like? What worked to shut it down?

You went to your room until you could be polite and pleasant.

And what if you didn't? Did someone carry you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You said you’ve “set parameters around acceptable behaviors,” but you made no mention of accountability. What consequences has she had when she has made rude, obnoxious comments and/or argued back?

What is an appropriate consequence for rude/obnoxious comments and arguing back?

[Anonymous]

Is she the scapegoat?

[Anonymous]

Just walk around her and ignore it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m the PP with the 13yo. Thought of something else that has worked too. Ive a labeled her behavior as a choice she’s making. So one time she argued about changing clothes for a somewhat dressy event, tears etc. made us late. All I was asking was for non athletic clothing. As she got in the car I said to her “ I’ve asked u to change and that’s what youre wearing? That’s the choice u made?”
Got a sullen nod.
We went to the event.
On the way home she asked me to go to Dicks as I had said earlier in the day we might.
So I calmly looked at her and said no. When she asked why I told her I was choosing not to. I reminded her she made a choice earlier and now I’m making a choice too.
I could tell she was seething but she didn’t say a word.
No if she starts acting up I’ll say “ is that the choice you’re making?”
She knows I’ll come back with my own choice that she won’t like.

That is petty and manipulative and un helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was growing up this kind of behavior was not tolerated. One family member did not get to make the rest of the family miserable.

And what did that look like? What worked to shut it down?

You went to your room until you could be polite and pleasant.

And what if you didn't? Did someone carry you?

My teens wouldn't dare disobey when they're told to do something. They're also not that stupid. They think they're already upset? Their world will get a lot more miserable if they don't do what they've directly been told to.

[Anonymous]

“If you can’t at least try to make an effort, I will take away your x.”

Paired with:

“If you CAN turn it around maybe we’ll y on the way home!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was growing up this kind of behavior was not tolerated. One family member did not get to make the rest of the family miserable.

And what did that look like? What worked to shut it down?

You went to your room until you could be polite and pleasant.

And what if you didn't? Did someone carry you?

My teens wouldn't dare disobey when they're told to do something. They're also not that stupid. They think they're already upset? Their world will get a lot more miserable if they don't do what they've directly been told to.

This isn't the flex you think it is. Red flag on your issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was growing up this kind of behavior was not tolerated. One family member did not get to make the rest of the family miserable.

And what did that look like? What worked to shut it down?

You went to your room until you could be polite and pleasant.

And what if you didn't? Did someone carry you?

My teens wouldn't dare disobey when they're told to do something. They're also not that stupid. They think they're already upset? Their world will get a lot more miserable if they don't do what they've directly been told to.

Does this apply to you telling them how to feel and what emotions are acceptable? OPs kid is sulky not disobedient.