Girl friendships at school different these days?

[Anonymous]

Bullies don't have to be face to face to bully now.
Technology makes it easier.

[Anonymous]

My Gen x experience was not great. I had a close friend from middle school do all sorts relational aggression and passive aggressive things in high school. Strangely enough as adults we are close friends. We were not friends during the college years, but she came into my life again years later. She apparently was depressed during her mean years and even had hospital stays to find the right medication.

My other friendships in high school were not that great. We seemed to be tight girl group, but lots of backhanded things going on behind the scenes. My college friendships and beyond were MUCH healthier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Girls can be nasty. It's starts young and never seems to end (some mom's are just as nasty). I see girls moving between friend groups more often than when I was in HS. My DD has "friends", who seem more like acquaintances at this point (she's a junior). I personally feel the parenting in this area is part of t he problem. I grew up in the Northeast and it was (and still is) much different than what I have seen living in NoVA.

Passive aggressive moms. fake smiling ones. Fruit doesn't fall from...

Social media, texting instead of talking even texting when in same social space. communications and expectations have changed but those humans not so much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Girls can be nasty. It's starts young and never seems to end (some mom's are just as nasty). I see girls moving between friend groups more often than when I was in HS. My DD has "friends", who seem more like acquaintances at this point (she's a junior). I personally feel the parenting in this area is part of t he problem. I grew up in the Northeast and it was (and still is) much different than what I have seen living in NoVA.

Is it more transactional here? That’s what it seems like to me. Or is it a sign of the times in general?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a generation X mom- Growing up I had a very great group of female friendships. There was a lot of bullying that occurred from other kids outside my friendship group that I was wary of-- but I could trust and count on my friends. I grew up in an upper middle class area

DD is 11 and at a public school in a upper middle class area. The pattern I've seen more is different girls within friendship groups creating drama and doing relational bullying.

Not sure if this is just unique to her public school or a larger current generational trend--or maybe I just was lucky with the girls I grew up with.

Which county are you? I couldn’t make that statement, since there is such a wide range of kids at publics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Girls can be nasty. It's starts young and never seems to end (some mom's are just as nasty). I see girls moving between friend groups more often than when I was in HS. My DD has "friends", who seem more like acquaintances at this point (she's a junior). I personally feel the parenting in this area is part of t he problem. I grew up in the Northeast and it was (and still is) much different than what I have seen living in NoVA.

Is it more transactional here? That’s what it seems like to me. Or is it a sign of the times in general?

For me it seems to be parents will do whatever to put their kids at an advantage and overlook basic values. Of course I want me kids to do well/be the best/succeed but I also want to raise good humans. I truly believe that's the difference between me and the mom's I'm surrounded by. Same with nu DD and the girls she's surrounded by. There's a lack of integrity, values and being ok with failure. I don't think it will aid their kids long term. As much as the experience has not been consistent across the Gen X'ers commenting here, Gen X was mainly raised with resiliency and independence. It was because of our parents being so uninvolved. Now it's the opposite and many kids cannot cope and definitely are not resilient.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Girls can be nasty. It's starts young and never seems to end (some mom's are just as nasty). I see girls moving between friend groups more often than when I was in HS. My DD has "friends", who seem more like acquaintances at this point (she's a junior). I personally feel the parenting in this area is part of t he problem. I grew up in the Northeast and it was (and still is) much different than what I have seen living in NoVA.

Passive aggressive moms. fake smiling ones. Fruit doesn't fall from...

Social media, texting instead of talking even texting when in same social space. communications and expectations have changed but those humans not so much.

You should see the phonies I deal with. All "rah rah women's rights, girl power" and then teach their daughter's to lie and not speak up when something is wrong so they can stay in the "in-crowd". Cracks me up as it's pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I remember friends groups being much more co-ed back in my high schools days. How it seems very single gendered. I think friend groups are less drama and more balanced when they are gender mixed.

That’s interesting, that has not been my kid’s experience. There seems to be much more co-ed friend groups now than I saw growing up!

It like just depends on the school and social group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I actually think there’s way less bullying nowadays. My 5th grade DD is part of the biggest friend group at our local DCPS, but it’s very inclusive adding girls each year and in general gets along well with the other smaller groups of girls in their grade as well as with the big groups the year ahead of them (now graduated) and behind them. The girls are nice to others the majority of the time and to each other virtually all the time.

This is our experience with DCPS as well.