ADHD college kid overwhelmed by assignments

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Yes she talked to her professors and they were accommodating, giving her extensions for assignments. However it’s still hard for her to get assignments done, sometimes it’s just very hard for her to start, even though the assignments are not hard according to her. She told me she wished there was someone who could get things together for her. That’s had been an issue at home but I used to help her. She is a very smart girl, just not good at managing her time.

Totally understand. I feel like I am a secretary for my son, reminding him of what’s on the list all the time. He could get a tippy top score in a hard exam, but also get 0 in an easy project if he missed something. I am so worried. Can you remotely help her in some way? Like sending her important reminders, checking her progress from time to time? This is not helicopter parenting. They need help all their lifetime.

I am a parent of a college aged son with severe ADHD (as well as other things). I don't agree that he will need help his entire life. He doesn't need it now. I have been working intensely with him since he was little on EF issues and by MS he was developing his own strategies and is now independent with it, which is good because as a PP said, the real world doesn't have patience and we are not going to be able to follow our kids into the workplace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve no experience with executive coaches. Do they work with the kid on site or online?

Our college kid works with an EF coach virtually twice a week. It’s a game changer.

If you don’t mind sharing I’d love to get the info of your EF coach. We tried one service but it wasn’t strong.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for all your sharing. I’m going to talk to her on getting an EF coach. I agree she needs to develop essential skills, or try to get a job that comes with an executive assistant.

[Anonymous]

Does anyone have experience using AI to assist with this kind of things? What are your experiences like?

[Anonymous]

I second the question about whether her medication regime is working adequately.

[Anonymous]

10mg slow release adderall is what she’s been taking for the past half year. I’ll tell her to talk to her doctor on the medication. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

OP, procrastination is an emotional management strategy. It's a way of avoiding the stress that comes from overwhelm. In a weird way, it's a sign of caring.

There's almost certainly an academic support center on campus. They can help. For example, they'll work with your kid to break big, overwhelming tasks into a series of tasks that are small enough that they begin to feel doable. It's the "atomic habits" approach -- if a task is overwhelming, the trick is to make it smaller, and smaller again, until the only possible feeling is "oh, sure, I can do THAT." Many student support offices will let kids do their work in the office, too -- feels like body doubling (and if not, the library is basically one big place of body doubling).

It can be hard to get appointments with student support at this point in the semester. But it's not too late to get standing appointments next semester, which will come fast.

Remember that if she is learning about herself -- and is in a better position to meet her own needs next time -- it is a win. Sometimes we learn the most by stumbling.

When in doubt, try not to get extensions, because the future doesn't won't go away. So extensions wind up exacerbating the problem, by clustering past work AND future work.

I learned all this the hard way, because I have ADHD but didn't get diagnosed until adulthood. I have a functional life and career, I just had to learn some things about myself before things really fell into place for me. Tell your kid she'll be okay. I've been there, done that. While it's hard, it forces self-knowledge, and self-knowledge is never a bad thing.

Best of luck.

[Anonymous]

Thank you.

[Anonymous]

OP, many college students -- even those without ADHD/EF challenges -- have the same struggles. I was a college professor for years and created an online course to teach first-year college students exactly how to manage their time and study effectively (and efficiently!) given the increased demands of college after having watched so many students struggle with these issues. I would be happy to send you the course, but am reluctant to post it on here because I don't want to be accused of advertising. Please let me know if you would like it and post an email address if you are comfortable doing so. Best of luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does the school have office for disable, something like that? I think these kids need some system support. For example the professions give extended deadline and etc. I am very worried about mine too. Mine is in high school, with some help, the report cards are great. But without any help, it could totally crash.

You aren’t getting extended deadlines in college. Won’t happen. You get a syllabus, the end. She needs to drop classes and don’t take more than she can handle. Or try community college where mommy can babysit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Yes she talked to her professors and they were accommodating, giving her extensions for assignments. However it’s still hard for her to get assignments done, sometimes it’s just very hard for her to start, even though the assignments are not hard according to her. She told me she wished there was someone who could get things together for her. That’s had been an issue at home but I used to help her. She is a very smart girl, just not good at managing her time.

Totally understand. I feel like I am a secretary for my son, reminding him of what’s on the list all the time. He could get a tippy top score in a hard exam, but also get 0 in an easy project if he missed something. I am so worried. Can you remotely help her in some way? Like sending her important reminders, checking her progress from time to time? This is not helicopter parenting. They need help all their lifetime.

FWIW I have serious ADHD but very high IQ. Now a college prof so coming out on the other side.
what I wish I knew in college were books about executive function, systems that worked for me. "Getting things done" (book) "7 habits for highly effective people" etc. She should read these and develop and evolve systems that work for her. Get an ADHD coach. you enabled her (not judging, I do the same with my son, worse ADHD and higher IQ than me and it is insane to watch) and now she needs to learn a few things to get by. I had to learn basic things in college like that showing up to class tended to improve my grades. You need to help her now help herself. Refer her to tutors, send her books or resources and stay out personally. She will get tired. Just like all humans. She needs to figure out what works for her. I wish you and her luck. For me, freshman year was rough but I figured out enough to do pretty great in college and am constantly trying to learn enough to get by. I'm sure DD will do it. But she also has to value it. That is the hardest part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Yes she talked to her professors and they were accommodating, giving her extensions for assignments. However it’s still hard for her to get assignments done, sometimes it’s just very hard for her to start, even though the assignments are not hard according to her. She told me she wished there was someone who could get things together for her. That’s had been an issue at home but I used to help her. She is a very smart girl, just not good at managing her time.

She doesn't want to be in college.

[Anonymous]

Take a year off.

Pick classes, do the work at her own pace, then enroll in class after the work is done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone have experience using AI to assist with this kind of things? What are your experiences like?

Takes a load off when AI does the homework, yeah.

[Anonymous]

OP - she needs an easier major or she needs to be taking easier classes or fewer classes. She needs to feel ok about dropping classes if she decides without having to convince anyone else. Twelve credits is still full-time. She likely should be taking fewer credits than she is. She needs to be able to take longer than 4 years to graduate. She needs to feel empowered and know that a zig zag path is ok, because for her, that may be the way through.