How to not feel bad about DH seeing porn

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Spin off from the “does your DH watch porn” thread. Long story short, my DH lied very well and hid it for many years. I’m considering staying with him for the kids but I don’t think I can. First the lying and betrayal obviously (I have much higher drive and he rejected me almost daily, would only do it with me once a month when I practically begged him) but the bigger issue is that I’m so jealous of what he’s seen and I can’t get over it. How can he not compare me with those hot girls he was watching. And he was watching some things that I will not do (face and in the butt). Even if I believe that he won’t look at it anymore (long story but he realizes that it has changed him in bad ways), he still can’t get those images out of his head.

How do other women deal with the jealousy? It makes me sick. He can see all the hot women and new variety he wants and I can’t compete with that. And now he has things in his mind that will aways be there. It’s been months and I just can’t get over it.

Can you expand on this OP? What happened to cause this? What has he done to rebuild trust and intimacy?

[Anonymous]

My DH has been an avid porn watcher for many years, often sneaking out of bed in the middle of the night to watch. Sometimes, I would voice my frustration and he’d stop (or just hide it better for awhile) but then go right back into his old habits. Then one day, it just stopped bothering me. But I realized when I got over my DH’s porn usage, it was really him that I was over.

I’m sorry OP, I know it’s not what you want to hear, but I wish you luck.

[Anonymous]

If you read the other threads, you should never have any expectation of sex in a marriage.

Also do you actively work to satisfy your spouse. Would they say you put their satisfaction first or are you a selfish lover? Do you put the effort in to be sure they are satisfied or do they need to do the work?

[Anonymous]

I’ve seen a lot of porn. It cannot compete with the real thing. Your husband is unwell if he’s turning you down for make belief cartoons, basically. He needs psychological treatment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH has been an avid porn watcher for many years, often sneaking out of bed in the middle of the night to watch. Sometimes, I would voice my frustration and he’d stop (or just hide it better for awhile) but then go right back into his old habits. Then one day, it just stopped bothering me. But I realized when I got over my DH’s porn usage, it was really him that I was over.

I’m sorry OP, I know it’s not what you want to hear, but I wish you luck.

I think this is common. When you as a partner don't feel valued or respected, it's hard to value and respect your spouse. These men aren't valuing or respecting their wives by behaving this way.

[Anonymous]

This is so strange! As a female I don’t understand women who think this way. I’m female and I watch porn (dh does not). I have watched things that I won’t do (anal) and it has zero impact on what I want from dh.

I think it’s similar to romance books. You can read about these over the top romantic guys who battle other men for women. But is that what you want on a daily basis from your husband? Nope! You’re satisfied with friendship, kisses and him being a good father.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is so strange! As a female I don’t understand women who think this way. I’m female and I watch porn (dh does not). I have watched things that I won’t do (anal) and it has zero impact on what I want from dh.

I think it’s similar to romance books. You can read about these over the top romantic guys who battle other men for women. But is that what you want on a daily basis from your husband? Nope! You’re satisfied with friendship, kisses and him being a good father.

If you aren't being rejected in favor of those videos, perhaps you can't understand. Nice of you to $hit on women with other experiences though. Great job.

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP. It hurts when you feel like you aren't good enough for them.

[Anonymous]

He probably started because he had mild ED and self stimulation porn was easier. Men can orgasm without full erection. Now he likely can't do it with anyone but Mr Hand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is so strange! As a female I don’t understand women who think this way. I’m female and I watch porn (dh does not). I have watched things that I won’t do (anal) and it has zero impact on what I want from dh.

I think it’s similar to romance books. You can read about these over the top romantic guys who battle other men for women. But is that what you want on a daily basis from your husband? Nope! You’re satisfied with friendship, kisses and him being a good father.

Some people need sex to be satisfied.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He probably started because he had mild ED and self stimulation porn was easier. Men can orgasm without full erection. Now he likely can't do it with anyone but Mr Hand.

Her name is Palmela

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Spin off from the “does your DH watch porn” thread. Long story short, my DH lied very well and hid it for many years. I’m considering staying with him for the kids but I don’t think I can. First the lying and betrayal obviously (I have much higher drive and he rejected me almost daily, would only do it with me once a month when I practically begged him) but the bigger issue is that I’m so jealous of what he’s seen and I can’t get over it. How can he not compare me with those hot girls he was watching. And he was watching some things that I will not do (face and in the butt). Even if I believe that he won’t look at it anymore (long story but he realizes that it has changed him in bad ways), he still can’t get those images out of his head.

How do other women deal with the jealousy? It makes me sick. He can see all the hot women and new variety he wants and I can’t compete with that. And now he has things in his mind that will aways be there. It’s been months and I just can’t get over it.

You need to look at yourself.

You are obviously a very selfish person.

[Anonymous]

What is the rest of his life like? Is a a drinker? How is his health? Does he exercise regularly? How is the career going? Any close male friends? I am guessing he is unhappy and feels powerless. Your needs, (no matter how small or normal) feel like insuperable demands. He is angry and you’re being punished.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spin off from the “does your DH watch porn” thread. Long story short, my DH lied very well and hid it for many years. I’m considering staying with him for the kids but I don’t think I can. First the lying and betrayal obviously (I have much higher drive and he rejected me almost daily, would only do it with me once a month when I practically begged him) but the bigger issue is that I’m so jealous of what he’s seen and I can’t get over it. How can he not compare me with those hot girls he was watching. And he was watching some things that I will not do (face and in the butt). Even if I believe that he won’t look at it anymore (long story but he realizes that it has changed him in bad ways), he still can’t get those images out of his head.

How do other women deal with the jealousy? It makes me sick. He can see all the hot women and new variety he wants and I can’t compete with that. And now he has things in his mind that will aways be there. It’s been months and I just can’t get over it.

You need to look at yourself.

You are obviously a very selfish person.

You are an absolute goblin. The post is from HER perspective. Did you want her to somehow write it from her DH’s perspective so it would not be “selfish”?

[Anonymous]

You better start doing the things he watches. Facials and in the butt…