Surviving the twice weekly call to my mom?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How long are these phone calls? Can you limit them to 5-10 minutes? Identify a simple reward after you complete them? Like "after I call mom, I get to decompress with 1 hour of trashy tv"?

She has a bit of aphasia and occasional stammer, so they average around 20-30 minutes. I let her talk because I know she’s lonely, but everything she talks about is so negative. It’s draining.

My mother has depression and was negative and barely went anywhere. It’s so sad they choose to live their lives like this. It did not get better until she was on medication.

Perhaps reduce calls to once a week?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do her a favor, and stop calling. You don’t care.

Are you kidding me? I am the only one who cares. I’m the one calling and making sure she’s alive and hasn’t had a heart attack. I’m the one going to help with tasks around the house. You have to be a troll, because how do you gather that I don’t care from a single thing I said in my post?

I’m not a troll. My elderly mom was similar and I never resented calling her. She’s gone now, and I miss her.

You’re unmedicated yourself.

You are making OP’s thread about you. Stop.

[Anonymous]

She needs one of those emergency buttons, OP.

Also, do yourself a favor and call once a week. I call once a week. My mother has always been difficult, and now with age, it's getting almost impossible to bear for her loved ones. Both of our mothers have reached the age where if they go, they go. Discovering the body with a 7 instead of 3 day lag is... not important.

[Anonymous]

Have you contacted the Council on Aging or what ever senior social services is called where she lives? They may be able to help you with something that may help her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do her a favor, and stop calling. You don’t care.

+1 Jesus OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do her a favor, and stop calling. You don’t care.

Are you kidding me? I am the only one who cares. I’m the one calling and making sure she’s alive and hasn’t had a heart attack. I’m the one going to help with tasks around the house. You have to be a troll, because how do you gather that I don’t care from a single thing I said in my post?

I’m not a troll. My elderly mom was similar and I never resented calling her. She’s gone now, and I miss her.

You’re unmedicated yourself.

You are making OP’s thread about you. Stop.

She's trying to show OP that there is a better way to live. You should try it too.

[Anonymous]

Call her once a week. Your husband is an outlier calling daily.

Ad some texts with photos of grandkids or pretty flowers or whatever a few other times a week.

I get it. I love my MIL dearly but every single time I call her she cries about my dead dad and it’s just exhausting. So I call semi regularly and text a ton and make sure I see the read receipts to know she’s seeing messages.

[Anonymous]

Have you tried drinking alcohol while calling her? Not healthy but would get it done!

[Anonymous]

I have sometimes blunted this by FaceTiming around my kids to share the burden.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do her a favor, and stop calling. You don’t care.

Are you kidding me? I am the only one who cares. I’m the one calling and making sure she’s alive and hasn’t had a heart attack. I’m the one going to help with tasks around the house. You have to be a troll, because how do you gather that I don’t care from a single thing I said in my post?

I’m not a troll. My elderly mom was similar and I never resented calling her. She’s gone now, and I miss her.

Oh, you’re one of THOSE. “Let your mom do whatever the hell she wants and just shut up and take it, because at least she’s not DEAD LIKE MY MOM.” Sorry, no. It’s 2025. We aren’t doing that BS anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do her a favor, and stop calling. You don’t care.

Are you kidding me? I am the only one who cares. I’m the one calling and making sure she’s alive and hasn’t had a heart attack. I’m the one going to help with tasks around the house. You have to be a troll, because how do you gather that I don’t care from a single thing I said in my post?

I’m not a troll. My elderly mom was similar and I never resented calling her. She’s gone now, and I miss her.

You’re unmedicated yourself.

You are making OP’s thread about you. Stop.

She's trying to show OP that there is a better way to live. You should try it too.

Hi sock puppet.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry, OP. I understand. It’s rough. It’s too bad you can’t both watch the same show, because that would give her something she enjoys and give you both something shared to talk about. Is she interested in soap operas? That’s something you could probably just do an Internet search on to catch up on the plot and then chat with her about that, maybe?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
She needs one of those emergency buttons, OP.

Also, do yourself a favor and call once a week. I call once a week. My mother has always been difficult, and now with age, it's getting almost impossible to bear for her loved ones. Both of our mothers have reached the age where if they go, they go. Discovering the body with a 7 instead of 3 day lag is... not important.

I support this.

I’ll go a step further and say maybe it’s ok is she isn’t rescued, too.

[Anonymous]

Can you do texts? If the goal is just to make sure she’s alive it should suffice. I don’t think you are making her life better by calling her to be honest. She can just beetch and moan to you but is it of any use to her? No! So why call.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like she’s dumped the responsibility for her safety and happiness into your lap like a bag of rocks. She doesn’t want to handle her own life and has told herself you’ll take care of it. Ideally, she’s move into a senior residence with activities and opportunities for social interaction but either it’s not in the cards due to finances, or she’s already refused the suggestion.

Put the bag of rocks down and ask her what she’d like to do with them. They are not yours to keep. She needs to decide what to do with her life, especially at 74.