How much to share about SN child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DC is recently diagnosed, and while I have shared with the school and family, I have not really shared this information with their friends’ or classmate’s parents. Do you disclose? Part of me thinks that this is private for my DC and part of me thinks that sharing will help gain more understanding of his behavior. How do you navigate?

Need to know basis. As in, at a dropoff playdate, pull mom aside and say, hey, I need to let you know that Larlo has x and here's what you need to know. As you would if he had a food allergy or diabetes.

But no you don't need to broadcast it to the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s tricky. Some people are so open about it. My 11 y/o was diagnosed with ADHD and also has anxiety. She wants nobody to know about the ADHD. We aren’t totally letting her make this decision and have said we may need to disclose in the future but we are holding back for now. We do mention the anxiety sometimes to people but I feel like that’s more accepted and normal these days. And also it’s the one that’s much more outwardly obvious, so we feel like we need to share it.

Interesting, my kid has ADHD and so do a lot of his friends, and my sense is they don't care who knows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I only disclosed full diagnose with school, grandparents and nanny.
With family and friends I give them the heads up only if thy are spending more than three hours around my child. Specially if long periods of unstructured activities are expected.
My DC is unaware of his ASD diagnosis. He is doing well socially and academically. So at the moment I don’t feel the need to share more than what is minimally necessary.

Please don't keep this from your child any longer. Please.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be careful with sharing (except of course when needed). Despite all the talking about inclusion there is still stigma around certain diagnosis especially if related with mental health or being in the spectrum

+1

[Anonymous]

I share as it makes sense. ADHD is so common that I don’t overthink it much.

It’s also pretty obvious that my son has adhd. Especially when he was 5 and not yet medicated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s tricky. Some people are so open about it. My 11 y/o was diagnosed with ADHD and also has anxiety. She wants nobody to know about the ADHD. We aren’t totally letting her make this decision and have said we may need to disclose in the future but we are holding back for now. We do mention the anxiety sometimes to people but I feel like that’s more accepted and normal these days. And also it’s the one that’s much more outwardly obvious, so we feel like we need to share it.

Interesting, my kid has ADHD and so do a lot of his friends, and my sense is they don't care who knows.

Same with DD. She has ADHD and she is very open about it with the expectation people will wrap all her stuff up with that diagnosis. It feels like ADHD is relatively openly acknowledged at this point.

[Anonymous]

In middle school, they all tell each other everything and it seems to be no big deal. My kid knows who has had inpatient psych treatment, who has dyslexia, autism, anxiety, ADHD, etc. They all know who is in therapy and it is no big deal. No one seems to care about the diagnosis, but they do care about how people actually behave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In middle school, they all tell each other everything and it seems to be no big deal. My kid knows who has had inpatient psych treatment, who has dyslexia, autism, anxiety, ADHD, etc. They all know who is in therapy and it is no big deal. No one seems to care about the diagnosis, but they do care about how people actually behave.

This tracks with what we saw. But middle schoolers with dyslexia, autism, anxiety, ADHD, etc. are more likely to have certain behaviors like showing up late, dropping or losing their materials, blurting out in class, acting avoidant, making pedantic comments, interrupting, over sharing, failing to speak with confidence, acting defensive, telling jokes that fall flat, etc. It was in middle school that our kid learned to say the phrase "I'm so SpEd". I think they don't see the behaviors and the diagnoses as totally separate.

[Anonymous]

I have a middle schooler w/ADHD (medicated) and dyslexia. We don’t announce it but we also don’t hide it - if he is in a situation where it is helpful to know we share. He’s in 7th grade now, so our focus is on him taking ownership and being able to self-advocate. As part of that we have always been matter of fact about sharing (such as with a sports coach) and saying what accommodation he may need (he may need to hear directions more than once, etc). We have friends with kids who have more unusual issues and I suspect they are more circumspect with sharing, both because of stigma and because it’s an ongoing process to manage. It’s a difficult balance between modeling acceptance and confidence to advocate versus oversharing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I only disclosed full diagnose with school, grandparents and nanny.
With family and friends I give them the heads up only if thy are spending more than three hours around my child. Specially if long periods of unstructured activities are expected.
My DC is unaware of his ASD diagnosis. He is doing well socially and academically. So at the moment I don’t feel the need to share more than what is minimally necessary.

Please don't keep this from your child any longer. Please.

I will, when DC matures and can understand his diagnosis. He is only 7 yrs old now.