Weird MIL

[Anonymous]

My SIL has extreme social anxiety. She rarely leaves the house. She was always a homebody but got more reclusive as time went on. However she did end up being the nanny for her son’s children (and lives with them). She very rarely sees her grandchildren who live in another state unless they come to her.

As others have said, you aren’t going to change her. So you have to change your expectations.

[Anonymous]

Okay thanks everyone. Seems the general consensus is let my husband or her drive the relationship and do not say a word.

[Anonymous]

She’s not your mother. Let your husband deal with his mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, if she has all these odd behaviors, why do you leave your children with her? Could she handle an emergency?

Duh .. OP wants the free childcare

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay thanks everyone. Seems the general consensus is let my husband or her drive the relationship and do not say a word.

Well, duh. Shut your trap for once.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL is so reclusive and weird. My mother died and I would have loved to have an engaging, kind MIL but I got this grumpy hermit instead. She lives 10 minutes away by herself and doesn’t work and hasn’t come to a single sports game, school celebration, dance recital, birthday party, first communion, baptism for my 2 kids. The only thing she’s willing to do is have us drop the kids off their at her house if we want, which I do appreciate. She will take them for a sleepover but we have to drop off after 7pm and before 9am. There was a big accident so I didn’t arrive until 9:30 and she started freaking out on my 10 year old child complaining about me and how she doesn’t like me and I’m running late, and he was just sitting quietly by himself watching tv as he waited for me. I have two kids but only he was spending the night. She might take them 1x a month overnight, which is huge but why this attitude when he’s sitting on the couch watching tv? she had no where to go and sits home and watches tv all day everyday only leaving once or twice a week to go to the grocery store. She doesn’t have a car anymore because she refuses to drive. She’s 67.

I invite her for every holiday and she doesn’t come. After 5 years where she wouldn’t even come watch the kids open gifts or for Christmas eve or day dinner, I decided we will just travel since we don’t get a lot of opportunity to with the school schedule. I invite her on our family trip over Christmas (we go skiing) and once she did come but she complained I didn’t make it magical enough with decorations and our tree wasn’t special enough. It’s like having a 3rd kid dealing with her bizarre expectations. Any advice?

Why would you continue to have your kid sleep over given the bolded? That doesn't sound great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL is so reclusive and weird. My mother died and I would have loved to have an engaging, kind MIL but I got this grumpy hermit instead. She lives 10 minutes away by herself and doesn’t work and hasn’t come to a single sports game, school celebration, dance recital, birthday party, first communion, baptism for my 2 kids. The only thing she’s willing to do is have us drop the kids off their at her house if we want, which I do appreciate. She will take them for a sleepover but we have to drop off after 7pm and before 9am. There was a big accident so I didn’t arrive until 9:30 and she started freaking out on my 10 year old child complaining about me and how she doesn’t like me and I’m running late, and he was just sitting quietly by himself watching tv as he waited for me. I have two kids but only he was spending the night. She might take them 1x a month overnight, which is huge but why this attitude when he’s sitting on the couch watching tv? she had no where to go and sits home and watches tv all day everyday only leaving once or twice a week to go to the grocery store. She doesn’t have a car anymore because she refuses to drive. She’s 67.

I invite her for every holiday and she doesn’t come. After 5 years where she wouldn’t even come watch the kids open gifts or for Christmas eve or day dinner, I decided we will just travel since we don’t get a lot of opportunity to with the school schedule. I invite her on our family trip over Christmas (we go skiing) and once she did come but she complained I didn’t make it magical enough with decorations and our tree wasn’t special enough. It’s like having a 3rd kid dealing with her bizarre expectations. Any advice?

Why would you continue to have your kid sleep over given the bolded? That doesn't sound great.

You’re right. I struggle with it because I don’t want the kids to not have a grandmother figure in their life. It just gets old. Just zero interest in the kids or life but can sit and watch college sports for 13 hours straight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL is so reclusive and weird. My mother died and I would have loved to have an engaging, kind MIL but I got this grumpy hermit instead. She lives 10 minutes away by herself and doesn’t work and hasn’t come to a single sports game, school celebration, dance recital, birthday party, first communion, baptism for my 2 kids. The only thing she’s willing to do is have us drop the kids off their at her house if we want, which I do appreciate. She will take them for a sleepover but we have to drop off after 7pm and before 9am. There was a big accident so I didn’t arrive until 9:30 and she started freaking out on my 10 year old child complaining about me and how she doesn’t like me and I’m running late, and he was just sitting quietly by himself watching tv as he waited for me. I have two kids but only he was spending the night. She might take them 1x a month overnight, which is huge but why this attitude when he’s sitting on the couch watching tv? she had no where to go and sits home and watches tv all day everyday only leaving once or twice a week to go to the grocery store. She doesn’t have a car anymore because she refuses to drive. She’s 67.

I invite her for every holiday and she doesn’t come. After 5 years where she wouldn’t even come watch the kids open gifts or for Christmas eve or day dinner, I decided we will just travel since we don’t get a lot of opportunity to with the school schedule. I invite her on our family trip over Christmas (we go skiing) and once she did come but she complained I didn’t make it magical enough with decorations and our tree wasn’t special enough. It’s like having a 3rd kid dealing with her bizarre expectations. Any advice?

Why would you continue to have your kid sleep over given the bolded? That doesn't sound great.

You’re right. I struggle with it because I don’t want the kids to not have a grandmother figure in their life. It just gets old. Just zero interest in the kids or life but can sit and watch college sports for 13 hours straight.

I mean this kindly, OP. You could probably use some counseling because you are allowing the absence of your own mother blind you to the fact that your can't just plug in someone else to perform that role you had envisioned as a grandmother. I'm guessing your children have not enjoyed being with this woman and you need to ask yourself why you have been willing to put your children in uncomfortable situations. Is it as simple as you are so desperate for a night off from childcare or you are so desperate to have what you had envisioned for your kids that you are determined to force it, even when you know the outcome will not be what you wanted. Please stop trying to enlist this woman as "traditional grandmother" she does not want it and you could be damaging your kids.

[Anonymous]

Let it go. Sure it is annoying, but your fixation on something that causes no harm to you is ridiculous. And your kids will be fine.

[Anonymous]

Figure out a way to bump uglies without granny sleepovers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL is so reclusive and weird. My mother died and I would have loved to have an engaging, kind MIL but I got this grumpy hermit instead. She lives 10 minutes away by herself and doesn’t work and hasn’t come to a single sports game, school celebration, dance recital, birthday party, first communion, baptism for my 2 kids. The only thing she’s willing to do is have us drop the kids off their at her house if we want, which I do appreciate. She will take them for a sleepover but we have to drop off after 7pm and before 9am. There was a big accident so I didn’t arrive until 9:30 and she started freaking out on my 10 year old child complaining about me and how she doesn’t like me and I’m running late, and he was just sitting quietly by himself watching tv as he waited for me. I have two kids but only he was spending the night. She might take them 1x a month overnight, which is huge but why this attitude when he’s sitting on the couch watching tv? she had no where to go and sits home and watches tv all day everyday only leaving once or twice a week to go to the grocery store. She doesn’t have a car anymore because she refuses to drive. She’s 67.

I invite her for every holiday and she doesn’t come. After 5 years where she wouldn’t even come watch the kids open gifts or for Christmas eve or day dinner, I decided we will just travel since we don’t get a lot of opportunity to with the school schedule. I invite her on our family trip over Christmas (we go skiing) and once she did come but she complained I didn’t make it magical enough with decorations and our tree wasn’t special enough. It’s like having a 3rd kid dealing with her bizarre expectations. Any advice?

Why would you continue to have your kid sleep over given the bolded? That doesn't sound great.

You’re right. I struggle with it because I don’t want the kids to not have a grandmother figure in their life. It just gets old. Just zero interest in the kids or life but can sit and watch college sports for 13 hours straight.

If she doesn't see your kids on holidays or birthdays or any other occasion, and isn't interested in their lives, she's not really a grandmother figure. They have to be wondering why they're sent over there 1x/month when she's essentially a stranger who ignores them and complains about their mom.

[Anonymous]

It took you over 2.5 hours to drive 10 minutes because of an accident? Not very good trolling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Figure out a way to bump uglies without granny sleepovers.

Ha!

[Anonymous]

Stop placing your expectations on her. She is her own person and you have to respect that. Sounds like she enjoys solitude.

Also, I’d never expect grandparents to come to routine games and recitals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL is so reclusive and weird. My mother died and I would have loved to have an engaging, kind MIL but I got this grumpy hermit instead. She lives 10 minutes away by herself and doesn’t work and hasn’t come to a single sports game, school celebration, dance recital, birthday party, first communion, baptism for my 2 kids. The only thing she’s willing to do is have us drop the kids off their at her house if we want, which I do appreciate. She will take them for a sleepover but we have to drop off after 7pm and before 9am. There was a big accident so I didn’t arrive until 9:30 and she started freaking out on my 10 year old child complaining about me and how she doesn’t like me and I’m running late, and he was just sitting quietly by himself watching tv as he waited for me. I have two kids but only he was spending the night. She might take them 1x a month overnight, which is huge but why this attitude when he’s sitting on the couch watching tv? she had no where to go and sits home and watches tv all day everyday only leaving once or twice a week to go to the grocery store. She doesn’t have a car anymore because she refuses to drive. She’s 67.

I invite her for every holiday and she doesn’t come. After 5 years where she wouldn’t even come watch the kids open gifts or for Christmas eve or day dinner, I decided we will just travel since we don’t get a lot of opportunity to with the school schedule. I invite her on our family trip over Christmas (we go skiing) and once she did come but she complained I didn’t make it magical enough with decorations and our tree wasn’t special enough. It’s like having a 3rd kid dealing with her bizarre expectations. Any advice?

Why would you continue to have your kid sleep over given the bolded? That doesn't sound great.

You’re right. I struggle with it because I don’t want the kids to not have a grandmother figure in their life. It just gets old. Just zero interest in the kids or life but can sit and watch college sports for 13 hours straight.

I mean this kindly, OP. You could probably use some counseling because you are allowing the absence of your own mother blind you to the fact that your can't just plug in someone else to perform that role you had envisioned as a grandmother. I'm guessing your children have not enjoyed being with this woman and you need to ask yourself why you have been willing to put your children in uncomfortable situations. Is it as simple as you are so desperate for a night off from childcare or you are so desperate to have what you had envisioned for your kids that you are determined to force it, even when you know the outcome will not be what you wanted. Please stop trying to enlist this woman as "traditional grandmother" she does not want it and you could be damaging your kids.

They do have a good relationship with her and love her. I try to be mindful of that.