How to get kid to care about grades? Are there local places that give rewards for good grades?

[Anonymous]

There are no letter grades in k-6 in our area. There weren’t grades in my school way back. It’s been that way for a long time.

The problem with grades at younger ages is the child focuses on the grade and not as into what they are learning, especially when they have neurotic pushy parents. If they get a low grade they might lose interest in the subject and think they can’t do it.

There’s also less stress for the child. Without the fear of grades hanging over their heads they can learn better. They work together better without competition. The late bloomers do much better in middle school. The report cards have comments with a long list of everything you can think of instead of letter grades.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She has ADHD.

Is this really that uncommon among ordinary preteens?

It's rare. Many people use it as cope to pretend they don't have "dumb" kids just like they were. "Oh my kid isn't dumb, he is disabled!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She has ADHD.

Is this really that uncommon among ordinary preteens?

It's rare. Many people use it as cope to pretend they don't have "dumb" kids just like they were. "Oh my kid isn't dumb, he is disabled!"

Huh?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like adhd to me, which youre not going to be able to motivate away. I would focus on ways to teach her to slow down and help her focus. I like the suggestions to re do the work at home.

[Anonymous]

I have ADHD and I cared deeply about my grades. We cannot diagnose here. But I don’t think there’s anything wrong with setting a household expectation that you do your best (which usually means good grades).

[Anonymous]

Why is it better for Krispy Kreme to care about her grades than you? It's still external motivation. What she ultimately needs is internal motivation, which comes from struggling and deciding what's important to you. I'd play the long game here.

I got almost perfect grades and always checked my work, but actually learning anything was optional because only grades mattered. This didn't serve me w.r.t. struggles in the adult world.

Checking work is extremely hard for some kids. Yes, ADHD plays a role sometimes. I don't help my child at home because it becomes a criticism whether I intend it to or not. I genuinely can't relate to not understanding things or not wanting to check my work, so it's not helpful. I get tutors if needed.

Now my kid is in middle school and advocates for herself and asks the teacher for extra help during or after school. They also note a lot of peers can't or don't do these things for themselves. I really believe they need to get there from their own motivation, but admittedly part of why I'm this way is I'm reacting to my own experience with school in the process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Make her correct all of her mistakes. Even if the teacher doesn’t change grades or accept submissions. She can correct all and turn them into you…if that is an option- if everyone is on computer, I don’t know.

*everything

Nice job correcting your mistakes even the ones on computer.

OP, model this behavior for your child so she understand that's how people behave, and it is not just a way to bully kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone know of any places in the DC area that give kids some kind of freebie for good report cards? For example I know that nationally some locations of McDonald's and Krispy Kreme do but not sure if any DC-area locations participate. Montgomery County preferred, but would be helpful to hear about elsewhere in the DC area as well.

My 4th grader is making tons of careless mistakes on quizzes and tests and getting a lot of Bs and sometimes Cs, and currently has no motivation to slow down/check her work... she doesn't care about her grades at all and just wants to finish things as quickly as possible. I would rather avoid starting a direct "your parents care about your grades and will pay you or give you a reward for every A" precedent if possible, for reasons including but not limited to the fact that I think that even with full effort she has some Bs in her future and that's fine with us and not something I want her to feel like we're disappointed in her for. But it's just frustrating to see her get things wrong that I know she'd get right if she was more slow and careful. So I figured something external that gives a little motivation seems ideal.

Open to other suggestions, though! Have other people been through situations like this with your kid(s)? How did you handle it and did anything help?

Mom, do you have a pocketbook? If so, every store and restaurant has a rewards program for kids who earn good grades!

If you want a flyer to advertise it, ask chatgpt or Gemini to draw one for you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is it better for Krispy Kreme to care about her grades than you? It's still external motivation. What she ultimately needs is internal motivation, which comes from struggling and deciding what's important to you. I'd play the long game here.

I got almost perfect grades and always checked my work, but actually learning anything was optional because only grades mattered. This didn't serve me w.r.t. struggles in the adult world.

Checking work is extremely hard for some kids. Yes, ADHD plays a role sometimes. I don't help my child at home because it becomes a criticism whether I intend it to or not. I genuinely can't relate to not understanding things or not wanting to check my work, so it's not helpful. I get tutors if needed.

Now my kid is in middle school and advocates for herself and asks the teacher for extra help during or after school. They also note a lot of peers can't or don't do these things for themselves. I really believe they need to get there from their own motivation, but admittedly part of why I'm this way is I'm reacting to my own experience with school in the process.

It's better for Krispy Kreme to care about her grades than us because she's really sensitive and I don't want to give her the impression that if she gets Bs rather than As she's disappointing her parents, which I think she will if we reward her for As (even if we try to make the distinction between Bs that come from trying her best vs Bs that are a result of not being careful.) Casually telling her that some place will give her some reward for better grades doesn't have that downside. Yes, I would love for her to have internal motivation and hope it will develop eventually. I just thought that maybe in the meantime there might be another option.

Making her correct her quizzes and tests at home has some promise so she realizes that she'll have to put in the extra effort one way or another-- I wish I had been doing that sooner, need to figure out some way to introduce it out of nowhere that doesn't feel punitive

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it better for Krispy Kreme to care about her grades than you? It's still external motivation. What she ultimately needs is internal motivation, which comes from struggling and deciding what's important to you. I'd play the long game here.

I got almost perfect grades and always checked my work, but actually learning anything was optional because only grades mattered. This didn't serve me w.r.t. struggles in the adult world.

Checking work is extremely hard for some kids. Yes, ADHD plays a role sometimes. I don't help my child at home because it becomes a criticism whether I intend it to or not. I genuinely can't relate to not understanding things or not wanting to check my work, so it's not helpful. I get tutors if needed.

Now my kid is in middle school and advocates for herself and asks the teacher for extra help during or after school. They also note a lot of peers can't or don't do these things for themselves. I really believe they need to get there from their own motivation, but admittedly part of why I'm this way is I'm reacting to my own experience with school in the process.

It's better for Krispy Kreme to care about her grades than us because she's really sensitive and I don't want to give her the impression that if she gets Bs rather than As she's disappointing her parents, which I think she will if we reward her for As (even if we try to make the distinction between Bs that come from trying her best vs Bs that are a result of not being careful.) Casually telling her that some place will give her some reward for better grades doesn't have that downside. Yes, I would love for her to have internal motivation and hope it will develop eventually. I just thought that maybe in the meantime there might be another option.

Making her correct her quizzes and tests at home has some promise so she realizes that she'll have to put in the extra effort one way or another-- I wish I had been doing that sooner, need to figure out some way to introduce it out of nowhere that doesn't feel punitive

You tell her that you appreciate the work that she is doing but you need to review her work with her since there are mistakes that she needs to correct in order to properly learn the material. You know it will take some time to start but that time will diminish as she gets in the habit of reviewing her work. It is important to you that she understands the material as well as possible because it will make school easier as she gets older.

It is a matter of wanting her to learn the material as well as she can. Lots of praise as she does the wor, emphasize how she is picking up the material. When you review work that has fewer mistakes be proud of her and point to how much free time she has sicne she is making fewer mistakes at school.

[Anonymous]

OP here bumping this again to see if folks have any suggestions about discussing this with her teacher at parent-teacher conference coming up? Questions to ask, anything reasonable to ask for on the teacher's side that wouldn't be a big burden, etc?