When someone tells you they are not available ever

[Anonymous]

BP here - seems like another WP (living in a bubble) problem. Is it really that serious?

[Anonymous]

If you get that response, the rest of you go with a date and keep the invite open if she changes her mind. If you’re really close, ask her privately if everything is okay. If she’s just a casual acquaintance, let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is either uninterested or too busy or she has mental health challenges.

I think it is spectacular mental health to not be a YES woman and to be honest about not being available. There are people out here in the world that have different obligations and priorities than you. They are not carbon copies of you and your lifestyle and you are not entitled to their time. It’s amazing to me how other women think they are going to just come along and pick you off a shelf “to play” when they get good and ready.

[Anonymous]

There are 6 weeks and a few days left in 2025 and probably 4 of the weeks are centered on holiday celebrations. It is not unreasonable at all that someone doesn't have any more availabilty in 2025, OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am often that person. It means what it means. My kids are both in intense sports; I work 60hrs/week. I am a single parent. Our time is FULLY booked. If I do have free time, I want to zone out solo.

So you accept that you won’t have friends.

Funny take. She may have other friends, through sports or work or other things that contribute to her fully booked schedule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are 6 weeks and a few days left in 2025 and probably 4 of the weeks are centered on holiday celebrations. It is not unreasonable at all that someone doesn't have any more availabilty in 2025, OP!

You need a new calendar.

[Anonymous]

If it is like pulling teeth to hang out with someone, I stop trying and move on. That’s all there is to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just say “okay thanks!” and move on. People can’t do everything.

+1. Also you don’t know if they are going through a personal issue and just can’t commit.

[Anonymous]

So you still get together with the rest before the year ends. Also mention to the extra busy friend you hope to see them after the holiday season, and suggest they offer a date that works for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are 6 weeks and a few days left in 2025 and probably 4 of the weeks are centered on holiday celebrations. It is not unreasonable at all that someone doesn't have any more availabilty in 2025, OP!

There are 10.5 weeks left in 2025.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am often that person. It means what it means. My kids are both in intense sports; I work 60hrs/week. I am a single parent. Our time is FULLY booked. If I do have free time, I want to zone out solo.

So you accept that you won’t have friends.

Not PP. But this seems so simple. It’s difficult to stay out of the drama in friend groups these days. Women can be so petty.

Why can't it be that I am maxed out? I see my friends but it's friends who are willing to be flexible with scheduling and are understanding when I can't give a date. Cornering me into being available is not what good friends do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you get that response, the rest of you go with a date and keep the invite open if she changes her mind. If you’re really close, ask her privately if everything is okay. If she’s just a casual acquaintance, let it go.

This!

Just bc you have loads of free time, does not mean she does.

For someone w/ 3 kids and a job, one intense kid activity, one aging parent who needs help, or one kid/parent going through a work or health challenge can completely wipe out free time. And, if she is exhausted she might prefer to spend what little free time she has testing.

[Anonymous]

There isn't much left of 2025, and what's left is often reserved for grandparents/family for Holidays.

[Anonymous]

Make the plans without her this time. She may truly be that booked. If she expresses sadness about missing it, you can try inviting her next time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it is like pulling teeth to hang out with someone, I stop trying and move on. That’s all there is to it.

+1. We have some friends who could never commit, or if they did, they usually backed out last minute. They’re nice people, but I eventually just stopped inviting them to do anything (sometimes they’re still included on group invites, but they rarely come).