DH hid THC use from me

[Anonymous]

Your husband is an addict. Addicts are lying liars that lie. Go to Al Anon. Seriously, the longer you put up with this as “normal”, the more of a mess it will be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have minor kids? If so, that would really make me angry - because he’s a parent that needs to be available to take care of them, drive in case of emergency, etc. and him hiding if he is impaired is not compatible with that. On the talking front, I would definitely address that you deserve to be aware if he is under the influence. Also, if you do have kids, presumably they could have found his drops as easy as you did. Generally, it sounds like he has or is developing substance abuse issues. Maybe you start the conversation by telling him you are worried about that.

Yes, we have teens who would know exactly what they are. You make a good point about knowing when he is impaired and I hadn’t thought of that. I am also concerned about them finding them. We don’t have the “THC is okay when used by responsible adults” vibe in our house, so I think they would be super confused.

He is a very stupid person to leave it easily accessible to the kids. What if one of their friends found it? FFS.

[Anonymous]

His alcohol use reflects alcoholism, which is an issue unto itself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have minor kids? If so, that would really make me angry - because he’s a parent that needs to be available to take care of them, drive in case of emergency, etc. and him hiding if he is impaired is not compatible with that. On the talking front, I would definitely address that you deserve to be aware if he is under the influence. Also, if you do have kids, presumably they could have found his drops as easy as you did. Generally, it sounds like he has or is developing substance abuse issues. Maybe you start the conversation by telling him you are worried about that.

Yes, we have teens who would know exactly what they are. You make a good point about knowing when he is impaired and I hadn’t thought of that. I am also concerned about them finding them. We don’t have the “THC is okay when used by responsible adults” vibe in our house, so I think they would be super confused.

Well, this is why he hid it from you.

[Anonymous]

You sound like a controlling type A who is probably hyper critical and he uses substances to cope. This is not a sustainable situation.

[Anonymous]

You are not a match.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a controlling type A who is probably hyper critical and he uses substances to cope. This is not a sustainable situation.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have minor kids? If so, that would really make me angry - because he’s a parent that needs to be available to take care of them, drive in case of emergency, etc. and him hiding if he is impaired is not compatible with that. On the talking front, I would definitely address that you deserve to be aware if he is under the influence. Also, if you do have kids, presumably they could have found his drops as easy as you did. Generally, it sounds like he has or is developing substance abuse issues. Maybe you start the conversation by telling him you are worried about that.

Yes, we have teens who would know exactly what they are. You make a good point about knowing when he is impaired and I hadn’t thought of that. I am also concerned about them finding them. We don’t have the “THC is okay when used by responsible adults” vibe in our house, so I think they would be super confused.

Well, this is why he hid it from you.

OP here- that vibe is not from me, it’s from HIM. Up until now, he never tried it and has consistently referred to it as a “gateway drug.” He didn’t even seem to relent on his opinion when I told him my elderly mom was using it at night occasionally for pain management.

[Anonymous]

Do you have to take a poly? The only situation I can see this making sense is if the non-fed had THC at home, and couldn't tell the fed spouse because then they would have to declare it during a poly even if they weren't using.

[Anonymous]

He’s using because he’s unhappy. Part of the reason he is unhappy is because you are the kind of person who would flip out at him using THC. You need to walk all the way back and re-approach him as someone who is on his side and wants him to be happy. Whatever is going on in your marriage, he’s using to make it tolerable.

[Anonymous]

OP. You sound incredibly uptight. No wonder your DH needs a little help to chill out.

[Anonymous]

He has issues and was/is using heavy drinking to self medicate. He may be alcoholic. He may have concealed some of the drinking or other self medication, he certainly concealed the THC. It may be an add on or he may be trying yo wean himself off high levels of alcohol use. In any case he is furtive about his self medication thus attacks and gaslights as THE classic addict response.
Try AlAnon for yourself to learn what "detach with love" means.
The kids will know.
You might want a contingency plan. Get your finances in order and see if he has been siphoning off funds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are not a match.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a controlling type A who is probably hyper critical and he uses substances to cope. This is not a sustainable situation.

+1

Agree, and making a DCUM post about it? Pathetic OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a controlling type A who is probably hyper critical and he uses substances to cope. This is not a sustainable situation.

Blaming others for your substance issues and other character defects is not a sustainable situation, it's true.

Nobody forced him to drink/use. He's grown and made choices. Period.