Blow up fight….need advice

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should get divorced.
What's the point in living like this

You understandably don't trust him
But you also don't want to take steps to trust him again.
You want to be upset not communicate and have fights?
What's the point?
And don't say kids because from fist hand experience your kids don't need to grow up with this drama

Who are to tell her what she should do? So many posters on this board tell others what the should or shouldn’t do.

[Anonymous]

There are two schools of thought on cheating:

1. Chump lady: leave immediately, do not pass go, that’s it

2. “Healing”: therapy, boundaries, create a new marriage

I used to think the chump lady types were unreasonable but after reading this forum for years I fall firmly in their camp now. People who cheat are entitled liars to their core. Even a one night stand- a person who loves you won’t commit a crime of “opportunity” when they can.

[Anonymous]

Leave. He’s still cheating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This happened to me and I recommend therapy for yourself and with your boyfriend. Mine cheated, I left him, and a few months later we reconciled. We did couples counseling after we got back together and I continued the individual therapy I started after the split. There were lots of tough moments for a decent stretch but we grew a lot and are in a wonderful place now. It’ll only work if both of you are committed to each other and the healing process but you need a guide.

Nope.

Denial. He’s likely still cheating just a lot smarter about it. Therapy for cheating and you’re not even married? He knows you are desperate with low self esteem and he’ll cheat again.

[Anonymous]

I agree that a lot depends on if this was a one-time thing or a longer-term deception, as well as how committed he is to repairing things. Have any of your suspicions proved to be true since first finding out?

It's very hard to get over the suspicious feelings once you discover that someone is capable of lying to your face. He's angry that you don't trust him and won't let him prove his innocence, but ultimately, that's his fault. He really needs to put himself in your shoes, feeling suspicious all of the time and wondering if someone is lying or cheating is a horrible feeling and not something you want to feel. He put you there. If he can't understand that or get to a place where he's sensitive to these feelings you're having (that he caused!) he's really only thinking about himself. This is unfortunately, a very typical trait of someone who has cheated. This takes a long long time to get through (over? not sure) and he really should have a lot more patience and understanding than what it sounds like he's exhibiting.

[Anonymous]

What's the point of this marriage? If you don't need papers, why suffer through it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He cheated - you should divorce. There's no reason to think you need to forgive or need to try to make this work

Op, he could be totally reformed and you still won't trust him. He blew it with you. Somewhere inside of you is the knowledge that you deserve to have a partner who would never cheat on you. There are good, faithful men out there, really. Cut this one loose, heal and then enjoy the life you deserve.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He yells at you and argues when you don’t f*** him. He only cares about himself.

His d*ck is tarnished by cheating. He is gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This happened to me and I recommend therapy for yourself and with your boyfriend. Mine cheated, I left him, and a few months later we reconciled. We did couples counseling after we got back together and I continued the individual therapy I started after the split. There were lots of tough moments for a decent stretch but we grew a lot and are in a wonderful place now. It’ll only work if both of you are committed to each other and the healing process but you need a guide.

Nope.

Denial. He’s likely still cheating just a lot smarter about it. Therapy for cheating and you’re not even married? He knows you are desperate with low self esteem and he’ll cheat again.

Way to blame the victim. I'll grant that, now that op knows he is a cheater, if he gets caught again, she knew it was possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should get divorced.
What's the point in living like this

You understandably don't trust him
But you also don't want to take steps to trust him again.
You want to be upset not communicate and have fights?
What's the point?
And don't say kids because from fist hand experience your kids don't need to grow up with this drama

Who are to tell her what she should do? So many posters on this board tell others what the should or shouldn’t do.

Who are you to tell pp what she can and cannot post? Hmm?. It's an advice/ opinion board. If you want bumpats and endless spinning go to Reddit , X,or Tiktok

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This happened to me and I recommend therapy for yourself and with your boyfriend. Mine cheated, I left him, and a few months later we reconciled. We did couples counseling after we got back together and I continued the individual therapy I started after the split. There were lots of tough moments for a decent stretch but we grew a lot and are in a wonderful place now. It’ll only work if both of you are committed to each other and the healing process but you need a guide.

Nope.

Denial. He’s likely still cheating just a lot smarter about it. Therapy for cheating and you’re not even married? He knows you are desperate with low self esteem and he’ll cheat again.

This!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's the point of this marriage? If you don't need papers, why suffer through it?

😩

[Anonymous]

I could never trust him again. I would divorce. I’m really sorry OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I could never trust him again. I would divorce. I’m really sorry OP.

+1

[Anonymous]

You don’t trust him. You should get divorced.