If you were married 20 years or more how long did it take you to get over your divorce?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Divorce, divorce, divorce. It’s all you people think about. What did you get married for?

My SIL waited 25 years to divorce my shitty brother.
My family wrecked her wedding.
He never held a job after the first 3 years of her marriage.
He treated her like crap, emotionally abusing her.
He did the same with his daughter who by the way he could never get to school on time while he was never working.
My SIL supported them.
He would not let her take the CPA exam even though she 100% would have passed.
He controlled her every move.
He is a scam artist.
Walks around in the same clothes he had when he left my parents house to go to college. Carries his wallet in a plastic bag.

The day she left him was the best day for her, and my niece. She should have left him the day after she married him she wasted a lot of her life why because her parents and mine did not believe in divorce.

Divorce them ladies you are capable without them. Do not be unhappy you get one life. Do not listen to the no divorce shit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorce, divorce, divorce. It’s all you people think about. What did you get married for?

My SIL waited 25 years to divorce my shitty brother.
My family wrecked her wedding.
He never held a job after the first 3 years of her marriage.
He treated her like crap, emotionally abusing her.
He did the same with his daughter who by the way he could never get to school on time while he was never working.
My SIL supported them.
He would not let her take the CPA exam even though she 100% would have passed.
He controlled her every move.
He is a scam artist.
Walks around in the same clothes he had when he left my parents house to go to college. Carries his wallet in a plastic bag.

The day she left him was the best day for her, and my niece. She should have left him the day after she married him she wasted a lot of her life why because her parents and mine did not believe in divorce.

Divorce them ladies you are capable without them. Do not be unhappy you get one life. Do not listen to the no divorce shit.

Rather, don’t marry fools in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Neither one of us is over it. Married 20 yrs divorced for 12.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Neither one of us is over it. Married 20 yrs divorced for 12.

In what way are you not over it? I’m just about to finalize a surprise divorce and am so scared of being stuck in this sadness. I keep hoping that when our youngest heads off to college in a few years, that it will end the need for communication and put the final nail in the coffin. Did neither of you re-partner?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Neither one of us is over it. Married 20 yrs divorced for 12.

Married for 20, divorced at 60. I don't think I'll ever be over it, but she was apparently over it *years* before she left. Replaced me in 6 weeks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Neither one of us is over it. Married 20 yrs divorced for 12.

Married for 20, divorced at 60. I don't think I'll ever be over it, but she was apparently over it *years* before she left. Replaced me in 6 weeks.

I’m the PP immediately before this – and that was my experience, too. Instant replacement. I worry that it will always be just below the surface.

[Anonymous]

So relieved, but maybe about 3 months for a mental reset.

[Anonymous]

I was so over it long before it became final. It was like a breath of fresh air and a huge weight off my shoulders. I was dating before the divorce was final.

[Anonymous]

My good friend divorced after almost 20 years. She didn’t want it. He didn’t cheat, but was interested in someone else whom he has since married.

At the time she said she wouldn’t marry again. About a year after she said she couldn’t see herself dating. About 1.5 years - 2 years she said she couldn’t see herself dating seriously, but went on a few casual dates. At about 2.5 years she met someone she’s been dating for over 2 years now.

I don’t know how over it she is. One one hand, she and her bf are very happy and she does her own thing. She’s not thrilled, but fine being with ex and his wife. For example, the three of them were at back to school night and sat together. At at a school fundraiser I arrived and she and her ex’s wife were chatting by the bar as they had wine. So that seems pretty good. On the other, she still complains about the various stupid / shitty things her ex does with some regularity. I’m pretty sure she likes his wife (she’s spoken with me about how loving she is toward the kids, good advice she’s given them etc) more than she likes her ex.

[Anonymous]

Pp here. My friend and her ex did their entire divorce through mediation and had gone to marriage therapy for at least a year before that.They may have had a lawyer review their agreement, but basically they agreed on 50/50 custody and what to do about finances. She says they’d been fine for years and she was okay with “fine”, but he felt that was a long life and wanted to look for more passion and chemistry.


By contrast, another friend accused husband of abuse, he hired an investor and started trying to document that she is an unfit mother etc. it’s dragged out for years and is costing a lot. She is convinced he won’t agree to any reasonable terms to wear her down or bankrupt her. It’s gone on for over three years. I can’t imagine she’ll ever be okay with him, and I suspect it will take her longer to want to date anybody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you ever get over it even if you wanted it?

Yes.

I was over it the minute he got his diagnoses, I saw three lawyers, and i did 6 mos of individual therapy to decide how to handle a parallel life with him or coparenting with him.
Two bad bad options for me and the kids. And him too actually; he cannot handle married life, life with kids, nor life with a property.
He’s in a lash out and constant state of overwhelm, shutdown and anger. He needs a simple work, eat and screen time life— with zero other life or other people demands or responsibilities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well our divorce is not usual.

He and I get along very well. He was a bad husband and I asked for a divorce. He tried to save it for years going to intense therapy. He really did try but after about 3 years I said it was still going to end in divorce but due to 3 years of therapy he wasn't a jerk about it.

I'd say if you do the work with a therapist, you can get over it in a few years. Really, really over it, like not care one bit.

I'd give yourself a year to mourn the death of your marriage. A year to rebuild your life but after that it's just self pity.

You sound selfish and cruel. Poor guy.

Yeah so selfish and cruel he cheated on her or gambled away their money and lied about it or was abusive, and three years of therapy didn’t win back Best Guy of the Century. And they divorced. She’s so selfish and cruel. Poor guy indeed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was so over it long before it became final. It was like a breath of fresh air and a huge weight off my shoulders. I was dating before the divorce was final.

Same here. Sometimes I feel sad but mostly I'm much happier. My ex and I still do things together with the kids a few times a year. It's been around 4-5 years. Both of us started dating before the divorce was final.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It usually takes at least 50% of the time you were in the relationship.
10 year relationship = 5 years to get over it.

Not true at all.

I was married for a decade. Over years before a divorce. In fact, over 6 months into the marriage. It was a mistake day 1.

I had a 2-year relationship more than 20 years ago. I will never truly be over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Neither one of us is over it. Married 20 yrs divorced for 12.

Married for 20, divorced at 60. I don't think I'll ever be over it, but she was apparently over it *years* before she left. Replaced me in 6 weeks.

To clarify, she replaced me 6 weeks after told me she wanted a divorce... before she even told our k-12 kids and fully 8 months before we even had a signed separation agreement. Of course, I wasn't told until right after MSA was signed: was useful during the "negotiations" to keep me conciliatory and hopeful that I could win her back. Ha! Jokes on me.