Tell the work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless his work had a morality or no-fraternization clause it’s unlikely anyone is getting fired. Stay calm, get your kids’ college funds secured and start separating yourself quietly in your marriage. The saying about revenge being best served cold isn’t for nothing.
Be prepared though. You can’t control it if he suddenly decides to file and ride off with the AP, so don’t get caught flat-footed.

DP here. My husband's does have this, and his AP is his junior at work. Tho I dont want him fired because me and the kids need his income. I sort of assume he won't get fired anyway. do you think a clause like this is ever actually deployed? unless they want to get rid of the person anyway and looking for an excuse?

[Anonymous]

I would never air my dirty laundry for anyone to see. How low class do you have to be to even consider telling work?

Divorce him (or not) and move on. This is your marriage and I guarantee that his work does not care to get involved in your marital problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless his work had a morality or no-fraternization clause it’s unlikely anyone is getting fired. Stay calm, get your kids’ college funds secured and start separating yourself quietly in your marriage. The saying about revenge being best served cold isn’t for nothing.
Be prepared though. You can’t control it if he suddenly decides to file and ride off with the AP, so don’t get caught flat-footed.

DP here. My husband's does have this, and his AP is his junior at work. Tho I dont want him fired because me and the kids need his income. I sort of assume he won't get fired anyway. do you think a clause like this is ever actually deployed? unless they want to get rid of the person anyway and looking for an excuse?

PP here. I know of one case where a married surgeon and the AP nurse he impregnated on the job were removed from their positions when his wife reported them to the hospital. But it was a Pyrrhic victory. He divorced his wife in a rage, landed a better job and the nurse is now living the cushy SAHM lifestyle the ex used to have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless his work had a morality or no-fraternization clause it’s unlikely anyone is getting fired. Stay calm, get your kids’ college funds secured and start separating yourself quietly in your marriage. The saying about revenge being best served cold isn’t for nothing.
Be prepared though. You can’t control it if he suddenly decides to file and ride off with the AP, so don’t get caught flat-footed.

DP here. My husband's does have this, and his AP is his junior at work. Tho I dont want him fired because me and the kids need his income. I sort of assume he won't get fired anyway. do you think a clause like this is ever actually deployed? unless they want to get rid of the person anyway and looking for an excuse?

YES! Because the junior AP could claim sexual harassment and sue the company for being a toxic workplace. Preemptive firing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless his work had a morality or no-fraternization clause it’s unlikely anyone is getting fired. Stay calm, get your kids’ college funds secured and start separating yourself quietly in your marriage. The saying about revenge being best served cold isn’t for nothing.
Be prepared though. You can’t control it if he suddenly decides to file and ride off with the AP, so don’t get caught flat-footed.

DP here. My husband's does have this, and his AP is his junior at work. Tho I dont want him fired because me and the kids need his income. I sort of assume he won't get fired anyway. do you think a clause like this is ever actually deployed? unless they want to get rid of the person anyway and looking for an excuse?

YES! Because the junior AP could claim sexual harassment and sue the company for being a toxic workplace. Preemptive firing.

Ugh. Weird how it makes me actually have to root for their relationship to work out so she doesn't flip out and get him fired.

[Anonymous]

OP again: I want the AP away from his life though and thus would be the only way to do it.. don’t water around kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless his work had a morality or no-fraternization clause it’s unlikely anyone is getting fired. Stay calm, get your kids’ college funds secured and start separating yourself quietly in your marriage. The saying about revenge being best served cold isn’t for nothing.
Be prepared though. You can’t control it if he suddenly decides to file and ride off with the AP, so don’t get caught flat-footed.

DP here. My husband's does have this, and his AP is his junior at work. Tho I dont want him fired because me and the kids need his income. I sort of assume he won't get fired anyway. do you think a clause like this is ever actually deployed? unless they want to get rid of the person anyway and looking for an excuse?

I've heard of it happening twice at a corporate employer. Male executive with female direct report. Within a few weeks of a report. Don't assume.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again: I want the AP away from his life though and thus would be the only way to do it.. don’t water around kids.

It's not a good idea. They will either ignore or fire both. They will not fire only the AP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why blow up your life even further? Why punish your kids?

This. Do not be stupid. You don’t hurt your kids financially for any reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would never air my dirty laundry for anyone to see. How low class do you have to be to even consider telling work?

Divorce him (or not) and move on. This is your marriage and I guarantee that his work does not care to get involved in your marital problems.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again: I want the AP away from his life though and thus would be the only way to do it.. don’t water around kids.

It's not a good idea. They will either ignore or fire both. They will not fire only the AP.

If you divorce you will have no control who is around your kids. Especially the college freshman. Think long game. Right now this person is in the shadows and he won’t bring them around the kids. You divorce you lose all control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again: I want the AP away from his life though and thus would be the only way to do it.. don’t water around kids.

It's not a good idea. They will either ignore or fire both. They will not fire only the AP.

They'll be more likely to fire him. He's the one abusing his position and putting them in a position to be sued.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again: I want the AP away from his life though and thus would be the only way to do it.. don’t water around kids.

It's not a good idea. They will either ignore or fire both. They will not fire only the AP.

If you divorce you will have no control who is around your kids. Especially the college freshman. Think long game. Right now this person is in the shadows and he won’t bring them around the kids. You divorce you lose all control.

OP: what happens when he asks for divorce?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again: I want the AP away from his life though and thus would be the only way to do it.. don’t water around kids.

It's not a good idea. They will either ignore or fire both. They will not fire only the AP.

If you divorce you will have no control who is around your kids. Especially the college freshman. Think long game. Right now this person is in the shadows and he won’t bring them around the kids. You divorce you lose all control.

OP: what happens when he asks for divorce?

OP again: I am 50, and worry that my ability to cope with the trauma will diminish..I am already struggling seeing him happy and giving me an ice cold shoulder..

[Anonymous]

Is she single? I’m guessing she is. If she were married, just tell her husband. It’s a great feeling.