Picked DH Up From DCA- Boys Weekend

[Anonymous]

So not a surprise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s sad but it also doesn’t surprise me.

I would be concerned about your DH because your own character can start to resemble those you hang around. I know this first hand — immediately after my divorce, I was surrounded by other men who encouraged me to sleep with as many women as possible. They were all living vicariously through me. This time period in my life was very confusing when I look back on it now. It fueled a lot of unhealthy personal behaviors and I ended up emotionally hurting a lot of women too. While I was ultimately responsible for my own actions, having these men laugh, joke, and externally validate me through talking crudely about what I was doing was definitely part of the problem.

Fast-forward to now — after having an extremely unexpected born-again experience in my early 40s — I now find myself surrounded by true friends, men and women at my church who are virtuous and have strong character. They aren’t perfect — none of us are — but these are the type of people who bring out the best in me. They do the right thing more times than not. They encourage strong character and help hold me accountable when I need that too. It’s a world of difference. I also work closely with with an executive coach who actively encourages me to be a better person and wants me to have strong character instead of like most shrinks who just tell you that whatever feeling or impulse you have should be acted upon.

I would never want to go back to hanging out with the first group now. I look back on it with some true level of horror. I hope that your DH finds a better set of friends who truly respect women, for his own sake.

I mean, guy who is into this scene of cheating and horrible ethics, and then ends up doubled down on religion. That completely tracks. The truly good guys are neither in the cheater nor religious groups. Guys who end up deeply religious have some serious failings from which they need to be saved.

I am the person who posted this.

I am humble enough now to say that, yes, I did have personal failings and needed to change.

But the same is true of all of us — it is just a matter of degree. All of us have done things in life we are ashamed of. All of us have hurt other people. If you don’t believe that about yourself, then you are blinded by pride and self-righteousness and not being honest with yourself. It is sense of moral superiority that blinds many.

Most people who have been changed by religion — and I count myself in this category — we are not talking about a temporary reprieve from some behavior. And we are not talking about remorse or self pity. We are talking about a completely transformed heart. It’s a deep level of personal change and growth that I thought was impossible.

And if people aren’t interested in personal growth and change — why do so many people in big cities like the DMV go to therapy and wrap everything up in therapy-speak? I did the same thing for many years. Sat on some couch in an office for years and years and thought I was “working things out” or “finding my true self” or even “changing and growing.” I changed and grew more in one year of taking religion seriously than 15 years and many thousand of dollars of secular therapy.

Anyway, I go to a church with many people who have similar backgrounds and stories and I have no problem counting amongst my closest friends people who have overcome real challenges in their lives and are now much better people on the other side.

[Anonymous]

Why are you posting here, OP? Don’t you know the wives of the friends your DH was with this weekend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s sad but it also doesn’t surprise me.

I would be concerned about your DH because your own character can start to resemble those you hang around. I know this first hand — immediately after my divorce, I was surrounded by other men who encouraged me to sleep with as many women as possible. They were all living vicariously through me. This time period in my life was very confusing when I look back on it now. It fueled a lot of unhealthy personal behaviors and I ended up emotionally hurting a lot of women too. While I was ultimately responsible for my own actions, having these men laugh, joke, and externally validate me through talking crudely about what I was doing was definitely part of the problem.

Fast-forward to now — after having an extremely unexpected born-again experience in my early 40s — I now find myself surrounded by true friends, men and women at my church who are virtuous and have strong character. They aren’t perfect — none of us are — but these are the type of people who bring out the best in me. They do the right thing more times than not. They encourage strong character and help hold me accountable when I need that too. It’s a world of difference. I also work closely with with an executive coach who actively encourages me to be a better person and wants me to have strong character instead of like most shrinks who just tell you that whatever feeling or impulse you have should be acted upon.

I would never want to go back to hanging out with the first group now. I look back on it with some true level of horror. I hope that your DH finds a better set of friends who truly respect women, for his own sake.

I mean, guy who is into this scene of cheating and horrible ethics, and then ends up doubled down on religion. That completely tracks. The truly good guys are neither in the cheater nor religious groups. Guys who end up deeply religious have some serious failings from which they need to be saved.

I am the person who posted this.

I am humble enough now to say that, yes, I did have personal failings and needed to change.

But the same is true of all of us — it is just a matter of degree. All of us have done things in life we are ashamed of. All of us have hurt other people. If you don’t believe that about yourself, then you are blinded by pride and self-righteousness and not being honest with yourself. It is sense of moral superiority that blinds many.

Most people who have been changed by religion — and I count myself in this category — we are not talking about a temporary reprieve from some behavior. And we are not talking about remorse or self pity. We are talking about a completely transformed heart. It’s a deep level of personal change and growth that I thought was impossible.

And if people aren’t interested in personal growth and change — why do so many people in big cities like the DMV go to therapy and wrap everything up in therapy-speak? I did the same thing for many years. Sat on some couch in an office for years and years and thought I was “working things out” or “finding my true self” or even “changing and growing.” I changed and grew more in one year of taking religion seriously than 15 years and many thousand of dollars of secular therapy.

Anyway, I go to a church with many people who have similar backgrounds and stories and I have no problem counting amongst my closest friends people who have overcome real challenges in their lives and are now much better people on the other side.

This is lovely to hear-folks actively working on being better humans, finding healthy connections, and feeling fulfilled. Thank you for sharing and congrats on that journey!

[Anonymous]

This thread is weird in every way.

[Anonymous]

When DH and I started dating, he told me that a casual quaint of his had cheated on his fiance. I asked why he hadn’t dropped this acquaintance. He said it wasn’t his business. I said that was true but continuing to build a friendship with someone like that wasn’t good for him or us. He thought about it for a week. Then he cut off the guy for good, came back and said, you were right, I didn’t see it the way you saw it but now I do.

Character lapses don’t happen out of the blue. An idea lodges itself in your subconscious and starts to dig away into your mind, which starts to explain away why it’s not so terrible. That can lead to trouble down the road. In simpler terms, you get used to the idea and convince yourself it’s not *so* bad. The brain is a powerful and sometimes dangerous thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s sad but it also doesn’t surprise me.

I would be concerned about your DH because your own character can start to resemble those you hang around. I know this first hand — immediately after my divorce, I was surrounded by other men who encouraged me to sleep with as many women as possible. They were all living vicariously through me. This time period in my life was very confusing when I look back on it now. It fueled a lot of unhealthy personal behaviors and I ended up emotionally hurting a lot of women too. While I was ultimately responsible for my own actions, having these men laugh, joke, and externally validate me through talking crudely about what I was doing was definitely part of the problem.

Fast-forward to now — after having an extremely unexpected born-again experience in my early 40s — I now find myself surrounded by true friends, men and women at my church who are virtuous and have strong character. They aren’t perfect — none of us are — but these are the type of people who bring out the best in me. They do the right thing more times than not. They encourage strong character and help hold me accountable when I need that too. It’s a world of difference. I also work closely with with an executive coach who actively encourages me to be a better person and wants me to have strong character instead of like most shrinks who just tell you that whatever feeling or impulse you have should be acted upon.

I would never want to go back to hanging out with the first group now. I look back on it with some true level of horror. I hope that your DH finds a better set of friends who truly respect women, for his own sake.

I mean, guy who is into this scene of cheating and horrible ethics, and then ends up doubled down on religion. That completely tracks. The truly good guys are neither in the cheater nor religious groups. Guys who end up deeply religious have some serious failings from which they need to be saved.

I agree.

And the take that all mental health professionals do is encourage you to act on your worst ideas is inaccurate.

Plus, one guy in high school sexually assaulted two of my friends but then he found god and became a priest. Yuck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d take it as a sign that your DH is a good guy because he certainly wouldn’t have told you if he didn’t find it shocking and was up to no good. I’d also try to limit his time with those idiots.

Note husband was intoxicated while sharing this. Not sure how much of his “honesty” relates to being a “good guy” versus his impaired judgment of talking a lot after drinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does this shock you? It’s not uncommon.

DP.

I was thinking the same thing. This is not uncommon at all in 2025.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you posting here, OP? Don’t you know the wives of the friends your DH was with this weekend?

Do you approach your friends and tell them their DH slept with some floozy on a boys weekend?

[Anonymous]

Two out of the six men cheated. This tracks with the percentage of cheating IRL. Nothing surprising here.

[Anonymous]

What would concern me the most that this dude is then going back home to his wife and having sex with her when he probably had unprotected sex (while intoxicated) with 'Meredith' and is therefore putting his wife's health at risk.

[Anonymous]

Is this where we pretend like women don't hook up on ladies weekend trips?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d take it as a sign that your DH is a good guy because he certainly wouldn’t have told you if he didn’t find it shocking and was up to no good. I’d also try to limit his time with those idiots.

Note husband was intoxicated while sharing this. Not sure how much of his “honesty” relates to being a “good guy” versus his impaired judgment of talking a lot after drinking.

This. Probably testing waters and telling on himself..

[Anonymous]

I also think it is sophomoric to get drunk in the morning, and still enjoy this type of weekend with your friends at his age.

I would not be attracted to a guy who has not continued to evolve, and can compartmentalize to the extent that he enjoys spending time with someone who routinely betrays the mother of his children.

(Slime is sticky)