What are the rights and responsibilities of parents and adult kids towards each other? Assuming....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yikes. Filial laws are horrific. Thankfully mine died.

I don't think filial laws are enforced unless someone has an example of when they were.

I don't think adult family members have any enforceable rights or responsibilities to each other. Whatever they provide is gratuitous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think there are any. You have rights and responsibilities as an adult, but you don't owe anyone else rights or responsibilities.

Even if parents did their best. Even if parents did not. Just because someone birthed you doesn't mean you owe them money, time or anything. Parents who count on that or who birth children to be their caretakers in old age are irresponsible imo. There are no guarantees in life.

Agree with this. Asians will not agree with us.

My Asian spouse definitely doesn't agree with this and it's going to be the end of our marriage once all the kids are out of the house and it's time to retire. I cannot be subservient and "of service" to the toxic in-laws till I die.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think there are any. You have rights and responsibilities as an adult, but you don't owe anyone else rights or responsibilities.

Even if parents did their best. Even if parents did not. Just because someone birthed you doesn't mean you owe them money, time or anything. Parents who count on that or who birth children to be their caretakers in old age are irresponsible imo. There are no guarantees in life.

Agree with this. Asians will not agree with us.

My Asian spouse definitely doesn't agree with this and it's going to be the end of our marriage once all the kids are out of the house and it's time to retire. I cannot be subservient and "of service" to the toxic in-laws till I die.

My colleague's husband moved all his money into a trust for his kids and separated finances because she was secretly sending a fortune to her Asian parents.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are going to get a mixed bag answer here and given DCUM genre, likely mostly snarky and mean.

I'll just give you mine. As the child becomes an adult, it should become more reciprocal relationship instead of one way. The adult child should take a shared responsibility for maintaining the relationship with their parents - calling, texting, visits. Offer grace as the parental role shifts from being the director to supporter and allow for mistakes to be made instead of cutting each other off which is a theme for everything here. Be open to hard conversations from both sides.
I think the child should start picking up their finances as salary allows. As a parent I will pay for agreed upon family vacations as much as I can, but I don't want to on the hook for 100% of the trips expenses till death if they want to come.
Once marriage and kids come for us to not be intrusive in either relationship and abide by their wishes, but that they make an effort to have a relationship with us and see us together with them. Respect each other and each of our roles in everyone's lives.