Reference letter from teachers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When my son needed references, I helped him draft the emails to the teachers. It would have been great if he could have done it himself but he couldn’t. Maybe try that with your son. Good luck.

Same.

My kid also uses goblin tools (it’s a website/app) to edit her emails for tone. It’s designed for people with ASD/ADHD.

[Anonymous]

I suggest that you and he meet with his school counselor. Explain the interpersonal difficulty and see what the counselor thinks will work. The counselor probably knows all the teachers well enough to assess how to handle it. For an internship recommendation, I think that would be okay. Not really for a college recommendation.

[Anonymous]

It half sounds like you've given up and half believe all that matters is academics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A week is nothing in a busy school schedule. Send another request with brag sheet attached, reminding teacher of grades, how DS liked the class.

I agree, a week is nothing. I often say our load what an email should say even for my NT son. He then gets the gist, and puts it into his own words. It’s a skill and it can be taught

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Even if he doesn’t have school activities, what does he do for fun? To help the family? What is he good at? Volunteering with religious group or completing chores at home, is he creative, does he learn quickly, a fast typer, attention to detail, teaching himself a skill or computer program. What about things he did for SSL hours, if that’s required.

He locks himself in his bedroom, mad at anyone who knocks at the door or try to talk to him. Honestly, we have no idea what he is doing there.

He volunteers in a public library once a week, sorting books and put them on the shelf.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Even if he doesn’t have school activities, what does he do for fun? To help the family? What is he good at? Volunteering with religious group or completing chores at home, is he creative, does he learn quickly, a fast typer, attention to detail, teaching himself a skill or computer program. What about things he did for SSL hours, if that’s required.

He locks himself in his bedroom, mad at anyone who knocks at the door or try to talk to him. Honestly, we have no idea what he is doing there.

He volunteers in a public library once a week, sorting books and put them on the shelf.

No way this child makes it through college unless you intervene now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Even if he doesn’t have school activities, what does he do for fun? To help the family? What is he good at? Volunteering with religious group or completing chores at home, is he creative, does he learn quickly, a fast typer, attention to detail, teaching himself a skill or computer program. What about things he did for SSL hours, if that’s required.

He locks himself in his bedroom, mad at anyone who knocks at the door or try to talk to him. Honestly, we have no idea what he is doing there.

He volunteers in a public library once a week, sorting books and put them on the shelf.

This isn’t nothing! Ask the library for a recommendation. It sounds like he’s detail oriented and organized and reliable. These are wonderful qualities.

Raising ND kids is HARD. DH and I go out of our way sometimes to name our daughters wonderful qualities because it’s sometimes hard to see all the good when we are focused on therapy and tutors and emails about behavior and borderline grades.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

No way this child makes it through college unless you intervene now.

Even if he is very good academically? By his grade, he belong to the tie to Top20 universities. Of course, I know Top20 will look at EC. So, we want him to go our own state univ. Maybe he can live ant home if close enough. Isn’t GPA and SAT enough?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

This isn’t nothing! Ask the library for a recommendation. It sounds like he’s detail oriented and organized and reliable. These are wonderful qualities.

Raising ND kids is HARD. DH and I go out of our way sometimes to name our daughters wonderful qualities because it’s sometimes hard to see all the good when we are focused on therapy and tutors and emails about behavior and borderline grades.

Good to knows he has been there several years and gained President volunteer awards. I will tell him.

[Anonymous]

Reach out to his guidance counselor. You are going to have to help him. Try and get him to sit with you while you draft the email. If he doesn't know the STEM teacher well, he'll need to include a brag sheet or resume that the teacher can reference. Include any related ECs or reasons why he wants to be a part of this internship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

This isn’t nothing! Ask the library for a recommendation. It sounds like he’s detail oriented and organized and reliable. These are wonderful qualities.

Raising ND kids is HARD. DH and I go out of our way sometimes to name our daughters wonderful qualities because it’s sometimes hard to see all the good when we are focused on therapy and tutors and emails about behavior and borderline grades.

Good to know. He has been there several years and received President volunteer award twice. I will tell him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At this time he wants to apply for an internship. It requires a reference letter from a STEM teacher. So, my son wrote an email to his math teacher from last year’s class. After a whole week, he didn’t hear back. I assume that means the teacher doesn’t want. I read his email and felt very awkward. His tone, you know, is not like asking for a favor. Instead, it sounds like instructing the teacher without any emotion. Besides, another reason may be: the teacher didn’t have personal interaction with him and doesn’t want to refer. It’s not a surprise. There is no way for him to have small talks with any teacher or classmate. That’s not what an autism kid can do. He is always quiet as if he were not there.

OP your son is a good candidate for DBT. One of the DBT skills is called DEAR-MAN. When you first teach it to your son, focus on DEAR. You can teach MAN later.

D=Describe the situation (just the facts, no commentary).
E=Explain how the situation relates to you.
A=Ask for what you want/need (Note that you never ask before doing D and E. Also, it's an ask, not a demand.)
R=Reinforce for the person whatever positive effects there might be if they give you what you asked for.

Here is more info. https://dbt.tools/interpersonal_effectiveness/dear-man.php

Many Autism kids *can* do this, if they learn it explicitly and practice it. Just like they would learn a math skill, or how to master driving. Think about getting your son a DBT therapist who works with adolescents and young adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A week is nothing in a busy school schedule. Send another request with brag sheet attached, reminding teacher of grades, how DS liked the class.

I agree, a week is nothing. I often say our load what an email should say even for my NT son. He then gets the gist, and puts it into his own words. It’s a skill and it can be taught

+1 but I agree with PP, the library is a good reference source too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

No way this child makes it through college unless you intervene now.

Even if he is very good academically? By his grade, he belong to the tie to Top20 universities. Of course, I know Top20 will look at EC. So, we want him to go our own state univ. Maybe he can live ant home if close enough. Isn’t GPA and SAT enough?

Depends which state univ you are thinking of. UVA or UMD will be challenging. GMU or UMBC are probably in play.

One thing that a nice DCUM poster shared with me is to look at schools that socially can support my child. My kid has ASD and social challenges---sending him off to a school where he is responsible for finding his own tribe and seeking out ECs on his own, finding people to eat with, being willing to go to office hours and share that he is struggling, etc, will be setting him up for failure. He got at 1550 and has a 4.0 U/W with a strong APs in math and science. So he sounds a lot like your kid. I've been thinking a lot about my kid living at home while in college and eventually I get to "and then what". What do I think will change if he stays at home for his 4 years of college? At what point do I push him out of the nest and force him to be independent? For us, I'm looking at colleges that have strong social supports and help transitioning into adult hood. What sticks out to me is that if your child is not comfortable asking for a recommendation, how will he interview for college internships/jobs? He needs social support scaffolding to get him there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP your son is a good candidate for DBT. One of the DBT skills is called DEAR-MAN. When you first teach it to your son, focus on DEAR. You can teach MAN later.

D=Describe the situation (just the facts, no commentary).
E=Explain how the situation relates to you.
A=Ask for what you want/need (Note that you never ask before doing D and E. Also, it's an ask, not a demand.)
R=Reinforce for the person whatever positive effects there might be if they give you what you asked for.

Here is more info. https://dbt.tools/interpersonal_effectiveness/dear-man.php

Many Autism kids *can* do this, if they learn it explicitly and practice it. Just like they would learn a math skill, or how to master driving. Think about getting your son a DBT therapist who works with adolescents and young adults.

Thanks a lot!