Therapist worsening the problem?

[Anonymous]

Our daughter asked to see a therapist about a year ago for someone to talk to and it’s made things much worse. We were very supportive but somehow it’s turned into all about us being bad parents and a complete shut down of doing anything in the house. Anything at all now. Now she yells at us, slams doors and says she will not put up with the way we talk to her. It was a huge mistake.

We are thankful of preseason sports training and sports camps that she wanted to go to because sessions needed to be cancelled. We think she will want to stop in August when her school sport starts because she won’t be able to fit it in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not all therapists are good therapists.

This is true. Bad therapists can be worse than no therapy at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Therapists are a scam. Sorry, true. A good friend or family member who’s pragmatic and empathetic can do an equal or better job.

Agree. There is nothing medical that they have to prove is improving in the patient. Even improving a heart rate. All issues are biological and they should have to prove some sort of biological improvement.

In addition there is an incentive for them to prolong the problem for more money. If they just got a set fee per diagnosis I'm sure we would see much different results.

Therapists remind me of those traveling medical salesmen from centuries past selling snake oil. They sometimes cure by placebo effect but otherwise don't have the tools or desire to improve their patients.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Court-mandated divorce therapist for my friend's kid.

Kept pushing kid to take an interest in dad's new baby (half sister) when they were 12 years apart in age.

Covid isolation ended the therapy. No good came of it.

Is this a joke?

I would always want my kids to take an interest in their other parent’s baby. It’s their sibling. I would be doing my kid a disservice by not telling them that siblings are important.

You want women’s freedom, but that’s also the freedom to be let go.

It doesn't matter what you would want. If you're expecting a teen to take an interest in a half sibling 12 years younger, which very well may be the product of the teen's own broken home, you're nuts. Horrible burden of expectation to put on a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our daughter asked to see a therapist about a year ago for someone to talk to and it’s made things much worse. We were very supportive but somehow it’s turned into all about us being bad parents and a complete shut down of doing anything in the house. Anything at all now. Now she yells at us, slams doors and says she will not put up with the way we talk to her. It was a huge mistake.

We are thankful of preseason sports training and sports camps that she wanted to go to because sessions needed to be cancelled. We think she will want to stop in August when her school sport starts because she won’t be able to fit it in.

Why in the hell are you still letting her go? It sounds ilke she makes all the decisions in your household because you're afraid to say no to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our daughter asked to see a therapist about a year ago for someone to talk to and it’s made things much worse. We were very supportive but somehow it’s turned into all about us being bad parents and a complete shut down of doing anything in the house. Anything at all now. Now she yells at us, slams doors and says she will not put up with the way we talk to her. It was a huge mistake.

We are thankful of preseason sports training and sports camps that she wanted to go to because sessions needed to be cancelled. We think she will want to stop in August when her school sport starts because she won’t be able to fit it in.

Why in the hell are you still letting her go? It sounds ilke she makes all the decisions in your household because you're afraid to say no to her.

She hasn’t gone all summer and doesn’t have upcoming appointments because of the fall sport. I wasn’t clear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our daughter asked to see a therapist about a year ago for someone to talk to and it’s made things much worse. We were very supportive but somehow it’s turned into all about us being bad parents and a complete shut down of doing anything in the house. Anything at all now. Now she yells at us, slams doors and says she will not put up with the way we talk to her. It was a huge mistake.

We are thankful of preseason sports training and sports camps that she wanted to go to because sessions needed to be cancelled. We think she will want to stop in August when her school sport starts because she won’t be able to fit it in.

Why in the hell are you still letting her go? It sounds ilke she makes all the decisions in your household because you're afraid to say no to her.

She hasn’t gone all summer and doesn’t have upcoming appointments because of the fall sport. I wasn’t clear.

But you are still "supportive," allowing her to slam doors and yell at you. I would have put a stop to that pronto.

[Anonymous]

Some therapists are bad therapists, some kids would have gotten worse with or without therapy, and some parents are bad parents and their kids realize that in therapy. No way to know without knowing you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our daughter asked to see a therapist about a year ago for someone to talk to and it’s made things much worse. We were very supportive but somehow it’s turned into all about us being bad parents and a complete shut down of doing anything in the house. Anything at all now. Now she yells at us, slams doors and says she will not put up with the way we talk to her. It was a huge mistake.

We are thankful of preseason sports training and sports camps that she wanted to go to because sessions needed to be cancelled. We think she will want to stop in August when her school sport starts because she won’t be able to fit it in.

Why in the hell are you still letting her go? It sounds ilke she makes all the decisions in your household because you're afraid to say no to her.

She hasn’t gone all summer and doesn’t have upcoming appointments because of the fall sport. I wasn’t clear.

But you are still "supportive," allowing her to slam doors and yell at you. I would have put a stop to that pronto.

It’s very easy to judge another anonymously when you haven’t lived our lives. All of us have our own struggles. Remember that. We are all doing the best we can.

[Anonymous]

Just an anecdote: we had a much better experience with an older therapist. The problem is most practices only have openings with their new practitioners, who tend to be young. I sometimes think you shouldn’t be able to get licensed until you are 50+, somewhat jaded, and have seen some stuff

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just an anecdote: we had a much better experience with an older therapist. The problem is most practices only have openings with their new practitioners, who tend to be young. I sometimes think you shouldn’t be able to get licensed until you are 50+, somewhat jaded, and have seen some stuff

Very good point. The last person I would let any teen see as a therapist is a woman younger than about 35.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some therapists are bad therapists, some kids would have gotten worse with or without therapy, and some parents are bad parents and their kids realize that in therapy. No way to know without knowing you.

Precisely. And 100% of bad parents think they are great and flawless and anything short of absolute adoration and compliance is a problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our daughter asked to see a therapist about a year ago for someone to talk to and it’s made things much worse. We were very supportive but somehow it’s turned into all about us being bad parents and a complete shut down of doing anything in the house. Anything at all now. Now she yells at us, slams doors and says she will not put up with the way we talk to her. It was a huge mistake.

We are thankful of preseason sports training and sports camps that she wanted to go to because sessions needed to be cancelled. We think she will want to stop in August when her school sport starts because she won’t be able to fit it in.

Being really occupied with sports, camps, out of the house and off phones is really the best thing for most kids apart from serious mental health or trauma issues. Being more externally focused than stewing.

[Anonymous]

Perhaps family therapy would be better for you and your teen? At a minimum, ask your dc if they want to pause therapy for 3-6 months to assess how they feel after a break. Sometimes a pause in therapy helps us to process all that we learned/dealt with and gives us an opportunity to see how we actually feel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Court-mandated divorce therapist for my friend's kid.

Kept pushing kid to take an interest in dad's new baby (half sister) when they were 12 years apart in age.

Covid isolation ended the therapy. No good came of it.

Is this a joke?

I would always want my kids to take an interest in their other parent’s baby. It’s their sibling. I would be doing my kid a disservice by not telling them that siblings are important.

You want women’s freedom, but that’s also the freedom to be let go.

It doesn't matter what you would want. If you're expecting a teen to take an interest in a half sibling 12 years younger, which very well may be the product of the teen's own broken home, you're nuts. Horrible burden of expectation to put on a child.

You’d think differently it was your family. You are actually putting a burden on the team by encouraging a life of resentment.

Nothing good will come out of it. The teen will have a strained relationship with father, child and step mom.

You think that’s all nice, but you’re not enough. Your teen needs both parents.

You encouraging teen to not take interest is you using the teen for your own resentment.