Twin parents...

[Anonymous]

Today I learned that some parents of twins are reallllllyyyyy sensitive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just state the obvious... "well, they are two different people" usual shows the stupidity of the comment

I say something along those lines already but I want to more so put someone in their place and stand up for my dc at the same time. I have thought about saying "we don't compare them" or something along those lines so that it makes the point but isn't too hostile.

What are the comments you're getting?

I have fraternal twin girls (some people think they're identical but I don't think they look that similar at all) and I've never had anyone compare them? They're 11 now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just state the obvious... "well, they are two different people" usual shows the stupidity of the comment

I say something along those lines already but I want to more so put someone in their place and stand up for my dc at the same time. I have thought about saying "we don't compare them" or something along those lines so that it makes the point but isn't too hostile.

Why do you feel you need to “put people in their place”? I really think you are doing more harm than good, assuming people are well intentioned. Look - it won’t go away. Just point out to your kids that they are special and embrace it. It was always extra attention for my triplets, or an easier way to meet friends. They are proud of it now (in college).

I have twin boys and one is more petite than the other. I hate the comments about how much smaller he is than his brother and I find them to be so rude and potentially harmful to them. I want to correct the person in front of them so that they see I am standing up for them.

But that's YOUR issue - equating smallness with something bad or to be ashamed of. I raised a girl small for her age and we always talked about how she could fit anywhere during a game of Hide & Seek, etc. You're the one attaching meaning/value to a physical attribute.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just state the obvious... "well, they are two different people" usual shows the stupidity of the comment

I say something along those lines already but I want to more so put someone in their place and stand up for my dc at the same time. I have thought about saying "we don't compare them" or something along those lines so that it makes the point but isn't too hostile.

What are the comments you're getting?

I have fraternal twin girls (some people think they're identical but I don't think they look that similar at all) and I've never had anyone compare them? They're 11 now.

Apparently Mary Kate and Ashley are fraternal but I've never been able to tell them apart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just state the obvious... "well, they are two different people" usual shows the stupidity of the comment

I say something along those lines already but I want to more so put someone in their place and stand up for my dc at the same time. I have thought about saying "we don't compare them" or something along those lines so that it makes the point but isn't too hostile.

Why do you feel you need to “put people in their place”? I really think you are doing more harm than good, assuming people are well intentioned. Look - it won’t go away. Just point out to your kids that they are special and embrace it. It was always extra attention for my triplets, or an easier way to meet friends. They are proud of it now (in college).

I have twin boys and one is more petite than the other. I hate the comments about how much smaller he is than his brother and I find them to be so rude and potentially harmful to them. I want to correct the person in front of them so that they see I am standing up for them.

But that's YOUR issue - equating smallness with something bad or to be ashamed of. I raised a girl small for her age and we always talked about how she could fit anywhere during a game of Hide & Seek, etc. You're the one attaching meaning/value to a physical attribute.

NP. Yeah sorry but a small boy and a small girl are two completely different things. Petite girls / women are socially acceptable and even admired. Petite boys/ men not so much.

[Anonymous]

This usually happens with Baby Boomer relatives who don’t know my kids that well and are trying to get to know them. But it comes out all wrong. Like they’ll spend 15 minutes with the kids, one will catch the football that particular time, and they will go on to later say oh So-and-so is “the athletic one.” Or they’ll have one conversation with them and think the one who happened to interact more on that topic is “the talkative one.” As though twins must always be opposites or something. It’s extraordinarily grating to me but I do think it comes from an attempt to know them better. I usually just say “we try not to compare them.” But it’s kind of human nature. I have two same-breed dogs and I get these same silly questions and comments about the dogs too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just state the obvious... "well, they are two different people" usual shows the stupidity of the comment

I say something along those lines already but I want to more so put someone in their place and stand up for my dc at the same time. I have thought about saying "we don't compare them" or something along those lines so that it makes the point but isn't too hostile.

Why do you feel you need to “put people in their place”? I really think you are doing more harm than good, assuming people are well intentioned. Look - it won’t go away. Just point out to your kids that they are special and embrace it. It was always extra attention for my triplets, or an easier way to meet friends. They are proud of it now (in college).

I have twin boys and one is more petite than the other. I hate the comments about how much smaller he is than his brother and I find them to be so rude and potentially harmful to them. I want to correct the person in front of them so that they see I am standing up for them.

But that's YOUR issue - equating smallness with something bad or to be ashamed of. I raised a girl small for her age and we always talked about how she could fit anywhere during a game of Hide & Seek, etc. You're the one attaching meaning/value to a physical attribute.

You can't compare a small girl to a small boy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just state the obvious... "well, they are two different people" usual shows the stupidity of the comment

I say something along those lines already but I want to more so put someone in their place and stand up for my dc at the same time. I have thought about saying "we don't compare them" or something along those lines so that it makes the point but isn't too hostile.

Why do you feel you need to “put people in their place”? I really think you are doing more harm than good, assuming people are well intentioned. Look - it won’t go away. Just point out to your kids that they are special and embrace it. It was always extra attention for my triplets, or an easier way to meet friends. They are proud of it now (in college).

I have twin boys and one is more petite than the other. I hate the comments about how much smaller he is than his brother and I find them to be so rude and potentially harmful to them. I want to correct the person in front of them so that they see I am standing up for them.

Your reaction is probably more damaging than helpful. Teach them to celebrate their differences. You (unfortunately) aren’t going to change these comments. If they see you responding with confidence yep - smaller one is nimble and great at XXX it will set a good example. They can tell it bothers you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This usually happens with Baby Boomer relatives who don’t know my kids that well and are trying to get to know them. But it comes out all wrong. Like they’ll spend 15 minutes with the kids, one will catch the football that particular time, and they will go on to later say oh So-and-so is “the athletic one.” Or they’ll have one conversation with them and think the one who happened to interact more on that topic is “the talkative one.” As though twins must always be opposites or something. It’s extraordinarily grating to me but I do think it comes from an attempt to know them better. I usually just say “we try not to compare them.” But it’s kind of human nature. I have two same-breed dogs and I get these same silly questions and comments about the dogs too.

Yes, thank you... "the athletic one" or similar drives me nuts. I think I am going to stick with the "we don't compare" because it's happening more just as they are becoming more aware.

[Anonymous]

I mean this happens to non twin siblings too and I assure you it's not just non twin parents who make comments and parents of twins say silly things too. Perhaps work for yourself

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just state the obvious... "well, they are two different people" usual shows the stupidity of the comment

I say something along those lines already but I want to more so put someone in their place and stand up for my dc at the same time. I have thought about saying "we don't compare them" or something along those lines so that it makes the point but isn't too hostile.

Why do you feel you need to “put people in their place”? I really think you are doing more harm than good, assuming people are well intentioned. Look - it won’t go away. Just point out to your kids that they are special and embrace it. It was always extra attention for my triplets, or an easier way to meet friends. They are proud of it now (in college).

I have twin boys and one is more petite than the other. I hate the comments about how much smaller he is than his brother and I find them to be so rude and potentially harmful to them. I want to correct the person in front of them so that they see I am standing up for them.

OP, your kids can see that one is shorter than the other. Even if no one ever mentioned it again, this is happening. Stop blaming others and come up with a narrative for the twins that works for your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Today I learned that some parents of twins are reallllllyyyyy sensitive.

Maybe, but going out with twins attracts quite a bit of unwanted attention. So many people want to ask questions, tell you about the twins in their lives, tell you your hands are full, they don’t know how you do it, they always wanted twins. You get the same questions and comments over and over and over — for years and years.

Are they identical?
Are they boy/girl?
Who is older?
Do twins run in your family?
Did you know you were having twins?
How many weeks did you make it?

I never knew so many people ask which twin is older. The first time I was asked, I wondered if the guy didn’t understand what twins are, because of course, they’re the same age. Apparently people really want to know who was closer to the exit. I know my “younger” twin has internalized that is better to be the “older” one because they’ve been asked a million times who is older, but they’ve never ever been asked who is younger.

No one comment is bad in isolation, but getting the same ones ad nauseam your entire childhood does have some effect.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think the best thing you can do is to reply that you’re so grateful for having two great kids and getting to know them as unique individuals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just state the obvious... "well, they are two different people" usual shows the stupidity of the comment

I say something along those lines already but I want to more so put someone in their place and stand up for my dc at the same time. I have thought about saying "we don't compare them" or something along those lines so that it makes the point but isn't too hostile.

"They are individuals, so we don't compare them."

But - people do compare their kids all the time. Twins and siblings - parents notice the differences between their kids all the time, and compare them. It's not necessarily horrible, I think usually it's pretty harmless.

That depends on what's being compared. Jake looks more like dad and Ben looks more like mom is fine. Jake is so much more athletic than Ben is not fine.

Is it not? So much is in the context and tone. My sister is so much more athletic than me. I’m not athletic. This does not cause me grief. Conversely, physical resemblances (and lack thereof) can hurt too. On the latter point people sometimes seem oblivious that not all siblings share biological relationships, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Today I learned that some parents of twins are reallllllyyyyy sensitive.

Maybe, but going out with twins attracts quite a bit of unwanted attention. So many people want to ask questions, tell you about the twins in their lives, tell you your hands are full, they don’t know how you do it, they always wanted twins. You get the same questions and comments over and over and over — for years and years.

Are they identical?
Are they boy/girl?
Who is older?
Do twins run in your family?
Did you know you were having twins?
How many weeks did you make it?

I never knew so many people ask which twin is older. The first time I was asked, I wondered if the guy didn’t understand what twins are, because of course, they’re the same age. Apparently people really want to know who was closer to the exit. I know my “younger” twin has internalized that is better to be the “older” one because they’ve been asked a million times who is older, but they’ve never ever been asked who is younger.

No one comment is bad in isolation, but getting the same ones ad nauseam your entire childhood does have some effect.

Well said. Non-twin parents would never understand this on their own but you've explained it very well.