Having a hard time socially

[Anonymous]

People are annoying. I'm in a similar situation as the OP. I have had friends and an active social life in the past, but now I just do not want to deal with anyone other than my husband and family (in small doses!).

It only worries me when I read things about how important social connections are as we age or when I worry about what if I need someone to pick me up if the car breaks down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m finding myself becoming a bit of a recluse. I had good friends but those relationships faded, then not so great friends, mom friends, and now no friends. But beyond that, I don’t want to interact with people and I increasingly dread people. I’m fine with my immediate family, cashiers to some extent (not the Trader Joe’s ones) but anything beyond that like most neighbors, a doctor, an acquaintance, someone new, extended family… I dread it. I wah and also dread meetings. It’s like this massive social anxiety set in over time and like I don’t know how to talk anymore or feel like it’s worth it. I tried to force myself interacting more (volunteered for two years somewhere, lots of exposure at sporting events) and I think it made things worse bc in the end it was pointless.

Seriously though what's the point anymore. Boy/girl/fri END - bound to end. If you're a gody believing person, you will always have someone. Curious - what happened with the Trader Joe cashiers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think saying that you have autism or need medication is a little bit rash. I think when you’re an introvert, and especially a mom, it’s hard to be around our kids all the time. I have teenagers who are still Velcro babies, who loved to hang out with me and chat with me and be around me and sometimes it is exhausting. As a natural introvert I really enjoy spending time alone.
It does sound like you suffer a little bit from social anxiety though and I think the best way to approach that is exposure therapy. Start by trying one thing new that is very short and doesn’t involve a lot of interaction and see how that goes. Maybe go to an exercise class where you’re around people but you don’t have to talk to people. Know where the door is if you need to get out, but you might find yourself enjoying it. After that, try something else. Just noticing the problem as a huge step!

Right?? All those "experts" out there were wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need a reset, OP. As in, medication for anxiety. Then therapy. I'm not sure that therapy will do its job if you're not medicated for it. Do you have a significant other who can accompany you to your doctor's appointment for the meds? No doctor will refuse you, BTW, but you do need to get a prescription. I got mine with a virtual appointment, but perhaps yours won't want to do that.

Some meds for anxiety might have unwanted side effects. You might have to try several. Maybe none will work. But you owe it to yourself to at least try for several weeks.

You need to fight this because there will come a time when you will really need friends, and know how to communicate with people. Being in good health and able-bodied doesn't last for ever.

If you have autism in addition to your social anxiety, you might never find a ton of joy in socializing with people. But your downward spiral is very concerning, and your goal is to stop yourself from hardening into your recluse status. Which is what you are right now.

Typical on this site - sending advice to reach for meds. Not needed in most cases.

OP you should have an eval with your Dr for hormone changes though. Does dementia run in your blood family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m finding myself becoming a bit of a recluse. I had good friends but those relationships faded, then not so great friends, mom friends, and now no friends. But beyond that, I don’t want to interact with people and I increasingly dread people. I’m fine with my immediate family, cashiers to some extent (not the Trader Joe’s ones) but anything beyond that like most neighbors, a doctor, an acquaintance, someone new, extended family… I dread it. I wah and also dread meetings. It’s like this massive social anxiety set in over time and like I don’t know how to talk anymore or feel like it’s worth it. I tried to force myself interacting more (volunteered for two years somewhere, lots of exposure at sporting events) and I think it made things worse bc in the end it was pointless.

Seriously though what's the point anymore. Boy/girl/fri END - bound to end. If you're a gody believing person, you will always have someone. Curious - what happened with the Trader Joe cashiers?

The forced small talk! Last time was comical bc the cashier was even more deeply introverted than I am. And here we were making polite chit chat in the most painfully awkward forced way for what seemed go on forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need a reset, OP. As in, medication for anxiety. Then therapy. I'm not sure that therapy will do its job if you're not medicated for it. Do you have a significant other who can accompany you to your doctor's appointment for the meds? No doctor will refuse you, BTW, but you do need to get a prescription. I got mine with a virtual appointment, but perhaps yours won't want to do that.

Some meds for anxiety might have unwanted side effects. You might have to try several. Maybe none will work. But you owe it to yourself to at least try for several weeks.

You need to fight this because there will come a time when you will really need friends, and know how to communicate with people. Being in good health and able-bodied doesn't last for ever.

If you have autism in addition to your social anxiety, you might never find a ton of joy in socializing with people. But your downward spiral is very concerning, and your goal is to stop yourself from hardening into your recluse status. Which is what you are right now.

Typical on this site - sending advice to reach for meds. Not needed in most cases.

OP you should have an eval with your Dr for hormone changes though. Does dementia run in your blood family?

There is no dementia but I am planning a big full check up after the summer bc I have never had hormones tested.

[Anonymous]

Friendships end, OP. Most friends are friends for a season, not forever. We grow apart, or move, or find we don’t click anymore. And that’s okay! That doesn’t mean there was anything wrong with either friend, or that you didn’t mean something important to each other.

Seasons turn, kids grow up, dogs die…everything changes and everything ends. It’s still worth showing up for the journey, though, isn’t it?

[Anonymous]

You need medication/therapy OP.

[Anonymous]

OP, do you have a job? I’m just wondering because you don’t talk about colleagues. I think I would start there if you don’t work. You need a full life outside of your home. I am very introverted but my professional life means that I have to be social. It keeps me from leaning too far in to my natural tendencies. Get a job if you don’t have one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you have a job? I’m just wondering because you don’t talk about colleagues. I think I would start there if you don’t work. You need a full life outside of your home. I am very introverted but my professional life means that I have to be social. It keeps me from leaning too far in to my natural tendencies. Get a job if you don’t have one.

I wah. We’re all remote. I have many colleagues but no contact beyond chat and zoom meetings.

[Anonymous]

I’ve heard that perimenopause and menopause can have this effect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve heard that perimenopause and menopause can have this effect.

OP said they plan to do a full checkup soon

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need a reset, OP. As in, medication for anxiety. Then therapy. I'm not sure that therapy will do its job if you're not medicated for it. Do you have a significant other who can accompany you to your doctor's appointment for the meds? No doctor will refuse you, BTW, but you do need to get a prescription. I got mine with a virtual appointment, but perhaps yours won't want to do that.

Some meds for anxiety might have unwanted side effects. You might have to try several. Maybe none will work. But you owe it to yourself to at least try for several weeks.

You need to fight this because there will come a time when you will really need friends, and know how to communicate with people. Being in good health and able-bodied doesn't last for ever.

If you have autism in addition to your social anxiety, you might never find a ton of joy in socializing with people. But your downward spiral is very concerning, and your goal is to stop yourself from hardening into your recluse status. Which is what you are right now.

Typical on this site - sending advice to reach for meds. Not needed in most cases.

OP you should have an eval with your Dr for hormone changes though. Does dementia run in your blood family?

There is no dementia but I am planning a big full check up after the summer bc I have never had hormones tested.

Check the other forums health or there used to be one for perimeno/meno, could be helpful before you visit with Dr.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People are annoying. I'm in a similar situation as the OP. I have had friends and an active social life in the past, but now I just do not want to deal with anyone other than my husband and family (in small doses!).

It only worries me when I read things about how important social connections are as we age or when I worry about what if I need someone to pick me up if the car breaks down.

I was literally saying this EXACT same thing to my sister the other day. I’ve pretended to be an extrovert most of my life and at 55 I’m over it. But, I know how important connections are as we age. It’s a conondrum!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are annoying. I'm in a similar situation as the OP. I have had friends and an active social life in the past, but now I just do not want to deal with anyone other than my husband and family (in small doses!).

It only worries me when I read things about how important social connections are as we age or when I worry about what if I need someone to pick me up if the car breaks down.

I was literally saying this EXACT same thing to my sister the other day. I’ve pretended to be an extrovert most of my life and at 55 I’m over it. But, I know how important connections are as we age. It’s a conondrum!

Can't one be an extrovert and still get annoyed at people? It happens we're just not in the mood sometimes.