Celebrating milestones & uninvolved sibling

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does he have to do anything? If you want to do something you should. If he’s not interested, leave it alone.

He doesn't have to do anything.

As I said, I am going to work with dh to plan it, my brother can show up if he wants to. Yesterday, I felt like it would be rude to plan something without his input, even if his input is that he's not interested or can't handle it. According to some here I should just take the hint. Well, I have in a lot of instances but figured he might want to be involved in something for our parents. Maybe even suggesting it is too much though.

I WANT to plan something for them, so will do that.

It's not that suggesting is always too much. It's the "we need to" that's too much. There's no need and no we here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does he have to do anything? If you want to do something you should. If he’s not interested, leave it alone.

He doesn't have to do anything.

As I said, I am going to work with dh to plan it, my brother can show up if he wants to. Yesterday, I felt like it would be rude to plan something without his input, even if his input is that he's not interested or can't handle it. According to some here I should just take the hint. Well, I have in a lot of instances but figured he might want to be involved in something for our parents. Maybe even suggesting it is too much though.

I WANT to plan something for them, so will do that.

This is how my narcissist coworker responds when being called out. The whole yesterday I said this but today now I am saying...

"Well that is what I said before but it is today so what I said before doesn't matter today so you are crazy for bringing it up, due to my revising the history of what i said, today"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does he have to do anything? If you want to do something you should. If he’s not interested, leave it alone.

He doesn't have to do anything.

As I said, I am going to work with dh to plan it, my brother can show up if he wants to. Yesterday, I felt like it would be rude to plan something without his input, even if his input is that he's not interested or can't handle it. According to some here I should just take the hint. Well, I have in a lot of instances but figured he might want to be involved in something for our parents. Maybe even suggesting it is too much though.

I WANT to plan something for them, so will do that.

But it is not about the parents, it is about you, because the idea is yours. No one has to be interested in your idea. So your guilt tripping here (I love the parents and you don't bro) falls flat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does he have to do anything? If you want to do something you should. If he’s not interested, leave it alone.

He doesn't have to do anything.

As I said, I am going to work with dh to plan it, my brother can show up if he wants to. Yesterday, I felt like it would be rude to plan something without his input, even if his input is that he's not interested or can't handle it. According to some here I should just take the hint. Well, I have in a lot of instances but figured he might want to be involved in something for our parents. Maybe even suggesting it is too much though.

I WANT to plan something for them, so will do that.

Send him a message "i want to plan something, if you want to help let me know - np if you don't!"

Done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does he have to do anything? If you want to do something you should. If he’s not interested, leave it alone.

He doesn't have to do anything.

As I said, I am going to work with dh to plan it, my brother can show up if he wants to. Yesterday, I felt like it would be rude to plan something without his input, even if his input is that he's not interested or can't handle it. According to some here I should just take the hint. Well, I have in a lot of instances but figured he might want to be involved in something for our parents. Maybe even suggesting it is too much though.

I WANT to plan something for them, so will do that.

It's not that suggesting is always too much. It's the "we need to" that's too much. There's no need and no we here.

+1

OP should do what they want and mind their own business about what other people want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does he have to do anything? If you want to do something you should. If he’s not interested, leave it alone.

He doesn't have to do anything.

As I said, I am going to work with dh to plan it, my brother can show up if he wants to. Yesterday, I felt like it would be rude to plan something without his input, even if his input is that he's not interested or can't handle it. According to some here I should just take the hint. Well, I have in a lot of instances but figured he might want to be involved in something for our parents. Maybe even suggesting it is too much though.

I WANT to plan something for them, so will do that.

This is how my narcissist coworker responds when being called out. The whole yesterday I said this but today now I am saying...

"Well that is what I said before but it is today so what I said before doesn't matter today so you are crazy for bringing it up, due to my revising the history of what i said, today"

Huh? I read the posts and thought about it. You're all correct, he doesn't need to do anything. Have you never thought about something, based on what others have said, and reconsidered your stance?

Where did I revise history?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does he have to do anything? If you want to do something you should. If he’s not interested, leave it alone.

He doesn't have to do anything.

As I said, I am going to work with dh to plan it, my brother can show up if he wants to. Yesterday, I felt like it would be rude to plan something without his input, even if his input is that he's not interested or can't handle it. According to some here I should just take the hint. Well, I have in a lot of instances but figured he might want to be involved in something for our parents. Maybe even suggesting it is too much though.

I WANT to plan something for them, so will do that.

It's not that suggesting is always too much. It's the "we need to" that's too much. There's no need and no we here.

That text was already sent a few weeks ago. I can't unsent it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does he have to do anything? If you want to do something you should. If he’s not interested, leave it alone.

He doesn't have to do anything.

As I said, I am going to work with dh to plan it, my brother can show up if he wants to. Yesterday, I felt like it would be rude to plan something without his input, even if his input is that he's not interested or can't handle it. According to some here I should just take the hint. Well, I have in a lot of instances but figured he might want to be involved in something for our parents. Maybe even suggesting it is too much though.

I WANT to plan something for them, so will do that.

Send him a message "i want to plan something, if you want to help let me know - np if you don't!"

Done.

This would be guilt tripping him into doing something he has no interest in. Right, everyone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does he have to do anything? If you want to do something you should. If he’s not interested, leave it alone.

He doesn't have to do anything.

As I said, I am going to work with dh to plan it, my brother can show up if he wants to. Yesterday, I felt like it would be rude to plan something without his input, even if his input is that he's not interested or can't handle it. According to some here I should just take the hint. Well, I have in a lot of instances but figured he might want to be involved in something for our parents. Maybe even suggesting it is too much though.

I WANT to plan something for them, so will do that.

Send him a message "i want to plan something, if you want to help let me know - np if you don't!"

Done.

This would be guilt tripping him into doing something he has no interest in. Right, everyone?

Are you really trying to be sparky and telling us here at DCUM that we are so stupid and you are so right because of this "gotcha" you came up with? OK. Fine. You are smart. You know everything. You have never done nothing wrong. Your brother let's you down. Your parents let you down even though you do so so much for them. We here are disappointments because we do not understand you and are illogical. Happy now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does he have to do anything? If you want to do something you should. If he’s not interested, leave it alone.

He doesn't have to do anything.

As I said, I am going to work with dh to plan it, my brother can show up if he wants to. Yesterday, I felt like it would be rude to plan something without his input, even if his input is that he's not interested or can't handle it. According to some here I should just take the hint. Well, I have in a lot of instances but figured he might want to be involved in something for our parents. Maybe even suggesting it is too much though.

I WANT to plan something for them, so will do that.

It's not that suggesting is always too much. It's the "we need to" that's too much. There's no need and no we here.

That text was already sent a few weeks ago. I can't unsent it.

Lady, you brought up the text here for discussion.

Take a few minutes to think of your comeback. We will wait.

[Anonymous]

You sound exhausting, good God.

We get it, you're a martyr always sacrificing yourself for everyone else and your brother is a selfish jerk. Blah blah blah. Just send him a text saying you are thinking about planning something for them. See if he responds or not. My guess is he won't. Dealing with you must be a nightmare and I certainly wouldn't want to plan something with you.

[Anonymous]

OP, you sound really angry. I don't mean that in a snarky way; I mean that honestly. Can you text: "Hey, I'm planning something for Mom and Dad; I just wanted to give you a heads up." If he wants to offer to help, he can; if not, that's fine, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does he have to do anything? If you want to do something you should. If he’s not interested, leave it alone.

He doesn't have to do anything.

As I said, I am going to work with dh to plan it, my brother can show up if he wants to. Yesterday, I felt like it would be rude to plan something without his input, even if his input is that he's not interested or can't handle it. According to some here I should just take the hint. Well, I have in a lot of instances but figured he might want to be involved in something for our parents. Maybe even suggesting it is too much though.

I WANT to plan something for them, so will do that.

This is how my narcissist coworker responds when being called out. The whole yesterday I said this but today now I am saying...

"Well that is what I said before but it is today so what I said before doesn't matter today so you are crazy for bringing it up, due to my revising the history of what i said, today"

Huh? I read the posts and thought about it. You're all correct, he doesn't need to do anything. Have you never thought about something, based on what others have said, and reconsidered your stance?

Where did I revise history?

The Narcissist's Prayer

That didn't happen.
And if it did, it wasn't that bad.
And if it was, that's not a big deal.
And if it is, that's not my fault.
And if it was, I didn't mean it.
And if I did, you deserved it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does he have to do anything? If you want to do something you should. If he’s not interested, leave it alone.

He doesn't have to do anything.

As I said, I am going to work with dh to plan it, my brother can show up if he wants to. Yesterday, I felt like it would be rude to plan something without his input, even if his input is that he's not interested or can't handle it. According to some here I should just take the hint. Well, I have in a lot of instances but figured he might want to be involved in something for our parents. Maybe even suggesting it is too much though.

I WANT to plan something for them, so will do that.

This is how my narcissist coworker responds when being called out. The whole yesterday I said this but today now I am saying...

"Well that is what I said before but it is today so what I said before doesn't matter today so you are crazy for bringing it up, due to my revising the history of what i said, today"

Huh? I read the posts and thought about it. You're all correct, he doesn't need to do anything. Have you never thought about something, based on what others have said, and reconsidered your stance?

Where did I revise history?

The Narcissist's Prayer

That didn't happen.
And if it did, it wasn't that bad.
And if it was, that's not a big deal.
And if it is, that's not my fault.
And if it was, I didn't mean it.
And if I did, you deserved it.

But but OP is a VICTIM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does he have to do anything? If you want to do something you should. If he’s not interested, leave it alone.

He doesn't have to do anything.

As I said, I am going to work with dh to plan it, my brother can show up if he wants to. Yesterday, I felt like it would be rude to plan something without his input, even if his input is that he's not interested or can't handle it. According to some here I should just take the hint. Well, I have in a lot of instances but figured he might want to be involved in something for our parents. Maybe even suggesting it is too much though.

I WANT to plan something for them, so will do that.

It's not that suggesting is always too much. It's the "we need to" that's too much. There's no need and no we here.

That text was already sent a few weeks ago. I can't unsent it.

so why are we still talking about this?