Parent in denial

[Anonymous]

The only times that I have been successful in convincing an elder to move, whether to a better set up home or to a facility is by telling them that they can maximize their autonomy and control by making a CHOICE now, but if they wait for a crisis, they and/or spouse will end up wherever there is a bed that they can afford. If there is receptiveness, strike while the iron is hot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, I think you have your answer Op!

NP with a similar parental setup, I am missing whatever definitive answer you are alluding to

[Anonymous]

If you can, take your dad away from her. If you can’t, leave them be for now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only times that I have been successful in convincing an elder to move, whether to a better set up home or to a facility is by telling them that they can maximize their autonomy and control by making a CHOICE now, but if they wait for a crisis, they and/or spouse will end up wherever there is a bed that they can afford. If there is receptiveness, strike while the iron is hot.

NP. Hopefully this works for OP. We tried this with my husband’s parents and got blank looks and “what could happen that we’d leave our home?” Meanwhile my morbidly obese FIL is basically immobile and has to have the fire dept come and pick him up off the floor every few weeks. The firemen have even encouraged assisted living and get no traction. They told my husband they’ve seen it all and that his parents will need a major tragedy to wake up.

[Anonymous]

Another option is to call ahead/advise that an email outline your concerns will be sent to either parent’s physician.

Briefly state your concerns about your parents’ situation and your concern for their welfare.

I did this often on behalf of my late parents. The doctors can be a huge resource and help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only times that I have been successful in convincing an elder to move, whether to a better set up home or to a facility is by telling them that they can maximize their autonomy and control by making a CHOICE now, but if they wait for a crisis, they and/or spouse will end up wherever there is a bed that they can afford. If there is receptiveness, strike while the iron is hot.

NP. Hopefully this works for OP. We tried this with my husband’s parents and got blank looks and “what could happen that we’d leave our home?” Meanwhile my morbidly obese FIL is basically immobile and has to have the fire dept come and pick him up off the floor every few weeks. The firemen have even encouraged assisted living and get no traction. They told my husband they’ve seen it all and that his parents will need a major tragedy to wake up.

Definitely not a 100% success rate, just the only thing that has ever worked for me.

[Anonymous]

If you can move your Dad, do it. Have all siblings in agreement, make the best decision you can, and move him. This is not discussed with Mom. Siblings though need a united front.

Mom joins him or she decides not to.