Why was my nephew so offended by this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not getting into an elite college is nothing like being dissed by your friends. College acceptance is based on your performance. By comparing the situations it’s like saying being dissed is his fault.

+2

[Anonymous]

What you said was a backhanded commiseration. It sounds like you’re relating to him, while at the same time, reminding him that he’s at an elite university and you’re the real victim here.

Sort of like if my beautiful 20 year old niece was upset because her boyfriend cheated on her and was feeling ugly, and I said “I totally get it. I was also once young and beautiful, but now I am middle aged and invisible”. It’s sort of like a “girl you have no idea what being ugly really feels like”.

Even if you didn’t mean it that way, that’s how it comes across.

[Anonymous]

Get him a fake ID already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe his friends are ditching him because he’s a jerk.

+1 I find it strange that he's in his fourth year of college and all his friends are 21 and he can't seem to figure out how to make new friends.

Or get a fake ID

But yeah, weird response OP. I guess you were trying to say there are different ways to feel lonely and isolated, but it does sound like he was looking for a sympathetic ear (or for you to get him a fake ID) and instead you told him a pretty irrelevant story.

Anyway - just send him a text saying you hope to talk to him again soon.

[Anonymous]

Well unfortunately fake ID'S are harder to get.

[Anonymous]

He thought you were taking a dig at him.

[Anonymous]

It came across as you were trying to one-up him. “Well at least you are at an ELITE university and you HAVE friends! I didn’t have either!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It came across as you were trying to one-up him. “Well at least you are at an ELITE university and you HAVE friends! I didn’t have either!”

And an older adult one upping someone still in school comes across as extremely immature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get him a fake ID already.

Ha! This would have been my advice.

[Anonymous]

I think you should call or text and say something like — hey, I’m sorry that I couldn’t give you the right support last night when we talked. Just want to say I love you and am here for you if you want to vent more. I know it’s a hard situation for you. Love you!

IMHO, you both took a little bit of a wrong turn but it’s better to just move on from it.

[Anonymous]

What you said was a perfectly normal and kind response. He’s upset, so I’d let it go.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry Larlo, it's tough to feel left out. Back in my day, fake ids were easier to get! Hang in there, your birthday is only a few months away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry Larlo, it's tough to feel left out. Back in my day, fake ids were easier to get! Hang in there, your birthday is only a few months away.

+1 yeah, that’s sounds right.

OP, the example you gave was not even remotely comparable. But hanging up on you was odd.

[Anonymous]

Well one can see why you didn’t get into an elite university. But he was rude, he should have already been aware you are kind of dumb.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should call or text and say something like — hey, I’m sorry that I couldn’t give you the right support last night when we talked. Just want to say I love you and am here for you if you want to vent more. I know it’s a hard situation for you. Love you!

IMHO, you both took a little bit of a wrong turn but it’s better to just move on from it.

No way. There is nothing to apologize for. Take off the first sentence